What Words Lack
by Zlorecile
Summary: "Always moving forward, never turning back; engulfing everything around her" Mute, heartbroken; around people for the first time. Calista starts over in Konoha. Civilization isn't as easy as it seems. Getting close to people brings pain. Is it worth it?
1. White Carnation

"Calista." A whoosh of sand and a husky voice greeted me from my left. I immediately put down the fruit in the bowl I was mashing and jumped up. I pulled my long white hair back so I could see the man's face, though I already recognized it from the voice. It was the only voice I had heard for nearly 7 years after all.

I looked up at my best friend with a large grin. "Gaara! I thought you wouldn't come today! Kiyo missed you so bad! I didn't though because I knew you would come! Kiyo just doesn't have faith in you but I do!" I rambled about obnoxiously, poking my tongue out at the white wolf cub on the ground that was wagging happily. I wanted to hug Gaara, but his sand never let me that close.

Gaara's lips twitched but he didn't smile. It made me sad. He never smiled anymore. He used to when we were five... But now at age thirteen, he never did. He was changing. I had felt something was wrong before… but this was beyond that. The deathly look in his eyes even was what scared me the most. I was never afraid of him, but I was afraid of losing him.

"C'mon! Let's eat! I made some bread and then I was mashing up some fruit to go with it! Oh wait actually! Here, I will go in and get the bread and then you can mash up the fruit for me ok? It's so lovely out that we can eat out here! It will be like playing house and you can be the mom and I will be the dad!" I grinned widely, not caring that I had gotten it mixed up.

I walked inside of the house and instantly my smile fell. I put my hands in my head. I was worried I was annoying him. I talked so much after all. I didn't know what I would do if I couldn't talk. I sighed, no; Gaara was my best friend, my only friend. Sure, he was busy preparing for the chunnin exams with his teammates that were to take place in less than half a year. He was to travel down in 3 months and then be gone for about three. I didn't want him to go. I wanted him to stay with me.

But this was the way of life. I hadn't even seen any other living being besides Gaara. I lived in this old abandoned cottage on the outskirts of Suna. Nobody knows about me. Gaara discovered me when he was younger; he is the only one who was ever able to sense me. That's just how strong he is. I am glad that the hidden village didn't know about me; I knew that they would kill me if they did. My last village tried after all, or so Gaara told me. Ninja were evil, all of them. Except for Gaara though. Gaara was the nicest one Alive. I would gladly give him my life and I was sure he would do the same. I wanted to believe that anyways.

I smiled and picked up the bread and a small kunai Gaara had given me to cut it with. "Did you get that fruit smashed Gaara?" I asked with a big smile, walking out. He nodded his head.

I sat down and slowly started cutting the bread. Gaara was looking at me like he sometimes did his eyes boring into me. It made me blush and also broke my concentration. I slipped and cut my finger. It was a small cut, but it bled something terrible. I reached to stick it in my mouth but gaara grabbed it. I stared at him quizzically as he lifted it up and stuck it in his mouth.

Being touched by Gaara was rare, Touching Gaara was nonexistent. This was why it made every time we came in contact more special to me. I held it in my memory. I blushed slightly, turning my pale green eyes away. He let go and the bleeding had stopped. I smiled sheepishly and handed him a piece of bread for him to put some of the fruit on. I did the same.

"How is your training going?" Gaara spoke, breaking the silence.

I was always eager for him to talk-as it was rare-so when he asked a question I jumped at the chance to answer it. "Good! I learned a new Technique! It took me a while but I got it down. You know how you have your sand armor? Well, I wanted to try something like that so I went to the river and well… I didn't tell you but I have been working on I for nearly a month. I finally got it though! You should check it out later!"

"Like my sand Armor?" He asked.

"Yeah! Only this is using water. Later on I want to try it with ice but I'm not yet experienced enough. I thought that since our abilities are so alike then I might be able to do it too! It doesn't come as natural as yours though, 'cause I had to learn it and all. It's also pretty underdeveloped but… I like it. This way when you leave I can fight and it will be like I have a piece of you there with me!" I grinned.

It took him a long moment of silence before he spoke "Your chakra is immense, it makes sense that you should be able to do that."

Silence engulfed us as we continued to eat. It was a sign of good friends when you could sit in silence and not feel uncomfortable. Just feel like everything is right. He reached out and pulled me against him, letting me lean against his chest. I knew I was lucky. Two touches in one day.

Once we were done he gave the crumbs to Kiyo. I smiled at his kindness. It showed that there was still some of the old Gaara left. Whenever he came he had that look of death in his eyes, but by the end of the visit he would be back to the gaara I loved, smiling slightly and talking to me.

Oh yes, did I forget to mention? I, Calista no last name, loved Gaara of the dessert, the one who carries a demon and could kill me with the twitch of his hand.


	2. Purple Hyacinth

Three months passed quickly. Gaara still tried to come out every evening but often times he couldn't make it. As it neared three months he only came out one a week. He was changing as always. Every time he would smile a little less. One time he even glared at me because I dropped some syrup that would have hit his foot had the sand not caught it. I pretended it wasn't happening, I chatted his ears off like normal. I laughed at nothing funny. I eagerly answered all of his questions. I did everything I could to keep him happy.

But it didn't work. His visits were infrequent. He started to show up late at night instead, but I was ok with it. It wasn't until the day before he had to leave that I finally dared tough any serious topic. We were lying in a small oasis that I got water from; the only place with grass really. It was a beautiful place, the oases of the desert. We were looking at the night sky, at the stars. Our bodies were nearly touching and our hands were interlaced. I was wearing a chest wrap and some shorts. My hair was sopping wet; we had just gotten done training.

"It's bird, snake, monkey, horse, dog!" I told him the hand sequence.

"Why do you tell me?"

"Well surely you must have some wind and water users in the village. Maybe some of them can learn that technique. It's pretty strong… though I have only done small ones. Big ones would attract attention you know." I smiled sheepishly. "But that one is called Black Dragon blizzard. That's what I named it at least because it looks like that." I laughed again.

"Why would I want to teach them how to get stronger?" Gaara said so low I almost didn't hear. I turned over on my side looking at him. He looked right back at me.

"They are part of your village. Sure, ninja may be evil but surely if you are nice they will be nice back."

I was taken aback by his growl. "That isn't how it works." His icy tone sent shivers down my back. Something that was hard to do.

"Gaara… what's wrong with you lately?" My brow was creased with concern.

He rolled over and looked at me for a long moment. I looked down, suddenly feeling like I had been out of line.

"Calista," He said, I didn't look up. He reached for my chin and tipped it towards him, forcing me to look him in the eyes. His cold green eyes.

I swallowed hard. He just stared at me for a long moment as I waited for him to let me go. He didn't. Without warning he kissed me hard, rolling on top of me. The kiss was unsure, hard and held almost fear in it. There was something else though, something in it that I couldn't place. I felt my breath catch in my throat, unable to resist and yet thinking that we were way too young to be doing that sort of thing.

Gaara had no such reserves. He pinned me down with his body and sand, making me unable to resist even if I wanted to. I wouldn't have, but the thought of not being able to if I wanted to scared me. I opened my eyes and stopped kissing him back. No matter how much I loved it, no matter how much I wanted to looke myself in it. We were too young, and more selfishly: I loved him too much. If he continued at that pace, I would never be able to resist him.

He opened his after a minute and looked at me. I gently pushed against him, a cue for him to get off of me. His eyes were no longer emotionless. He glared at me. I gasped slightly as his sand tightened its grip around my forearms and ankles.

"Y-you're hurting me Gaara." I said with a worried frown. This wasn't the gaara I knew. His eyes flashed black and gold, but only for a minute.

"You're making me mad." He growled his tone deadlier than I had heard before. I felt my eyes water. Not with pain or fear, but from an ache of the heart. Gaara had never treated me so coldly; he had never even hurt me. I didn't understand.

"Stop it Gaara!" My water armor cracked and melted beneath us. I let out another small gasp. He got up and I watched as his eyes flashed dark again, sand beginning to cover my body. Kiyo growled but from his spot but one look from Gaara made him whimper and back up.

"Gaara! What is going on?" I was filled with fear for the first time. I had never been afraid of Gaara before. This technique I knew too well. Sand coffin. I felt a few tears leak out and mingle with the sand that was now up to my neck.

"You're just like them." He growled. I looked into his green eyes as they flashed black and gold. "**I want to taste your blood. I want to let it mingle with my sand.**"

The raw hate in his words. The pure intent to kill. It felt like a blade had been plunged in my heart. "Why?" I cried out. "WHY! Do you hate me this much Gaara! Why are you like this! You've turned into a monster! What happened? Just te-" My mouth was cut off by sand. My tears were streaming freely now. I was going to die. I was so confused; I didn't know what had brought this on. It made no sense to me at all. I didn't think of fighting back, the thought didn't even cross my mind. I just stared sadly at the boy I used to know.

"You talk too much. You always talked too much. Spewing lies into my ears, sweet lies that you knew would affect me." He held out his fist.

I tried to tell him it wasn't true. I tried to tell him that he wasn't making any sense. I never got the chance. My mouth was covered with sand, the sand around my throat to tight to allow for talking I could barely breathe.

His black and gold eyes looked into my sad green ones and he clutched his forehead in his hand. His sand wavered and I knew I would have been able to break out if I tried. I didn't though. Once again the thought never occurred to me. Gaara let out an earsplitting cry and I winced at the sound. My heart winced too. He was suffering in pain. I was left helpless to watch as the eternal battle raged on inside of him.

His hand twitched and I felt the sand around my throat tighten in a weird manor. It pressed in random spots, harder and harder. I saw black in my vision at some points, at others I felt as if I was choking. Others spots brought pure pain. One spot made me choke and brought great pain. He pressed hard, and it felt like something broke. It wasn't right. I mentally screamed. The pain was too much.

And then the sand was gone, disappearing back into his gourd and dropping me harshly onto the floor. I clutched my throat. He looked back up with Green eyes and I opened my mouth to say something. No words came out.

"Calista…" He started walking towards me; I could see the sorrow in his usually stoic eyes. I could see the pain. My eyes watered and I backed up, not knowing what had happened. I was afraid. It was cruel of me, but I was afraid of that pain, afraid of being killed. I was a coward. He had done something though in the pressing of the throat, in the sand over my mouth. Something and for now I couldn't even talk. I couldn't even tell him it was ok.

My heart melted as he walked up to me. "Please, forgive me…"

I opened my mouth to tell him I was ok, but no words came out. I looked shocked. He misread the expression and his face hardened.

"I understand." He said, turning around. I reached out for him but his sand stopped my hand. My tears fell harder. I tried to call out to him, I couldn't. I couldn't talk! I gripped my throat falling to my knees and crying. He turned around.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. Calista… I'm leaving. I won't return." He turned around to walk away.

I widened my eyes and shook my head. I started to run after him. I opened my mouth to cry out, but this time blood gurgled to the surface. I fell to my knees spitting it out. He turned back, widened his eyes and then looked at the ground. He disappeared in an aura of sand

Somehow, I knew then that this was it. He left. He didn't understand. He had misread my whole reaction.

_Come back! I love you! Please! GAARA! _I cried over and over again, mouthing the words and not understanding why only blood came out. My heart was breaking. I felt Kiyo crawl up beside me, whimpering. I buried my pale face in the wolf cubs white fur.

_Kiyo I can't do this._ I mouthed silently, wiping off some blood. I noticed that the sun had come up. I had been out there crying for too long. _He isn't coming back. I can't see him. I-I-_ I was torn apart as more sobs rocked my body.

I hit the ground in heartbreak and frustration. I thought that my voice would have come back by now. I told myself that I just needed to rest. I needed to wait and then it would come back, so would Gaara. Then I would tell him how much I loved him and he would understand and...

I stopped my thoughts. I couldn't lie to myself like that. Even if-when-my voice came back, he wouldn't come with it. I picked up Kiyo and ran.

I didn't know where I was running, just that I was. The sun was high and I was eager to get out of here. My throat hurt, and I was thirsty. I hadn't taken a single item with me. I had nothing left to remind me of Gaara besides Kiyo and my water armor.

I honestly don't know how long it was until I had collapsed. I honestly couldn't tell you if it was day or night, or how far I had traveled.


	3. Zinnia

Authors note: Ok so…. I made a slight mistake with Jiraiya in timing and such…. But meh it will all go down ok in the end. Lol.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto in any way. All rights go to respective owners.

When I woke I was in a bed, Kiyo curled up on my chest. I timidly sat up and looked around. It was a hospital bed. There were lilies in the window. I was dressed in a white Kimono and my white hair had been cleaned. It fell in loose curls to my chest.

_Where am I? _I wondered. I looked out the window and saw green. I widened my eyes. It was a small village, but there was no sand anywhere. I bolted out of the bed and clutched Kiyo close.

_We need to get out of here! There are people! This is a village! People! _I screamed mentally at Kiyo. I yanked the door open and practically crashed into a man. I fell to the floor with wide eyes. His eyes widened slightly as well. He had spiky white hair and two red streaks coming down from his eyes. His eyes were black and on his head was a weird medal thing with two horns. It wasn't like a ninja headband that Gaara had. This one was deferent in design and shape. The kanji on his forehead meant oil.

"Ah… Hello there. Sorry to spoke you like that." He said, reaching his hand out. I backed away from it, hitting the bedside.

"Hey calm down!" He said. "I won't hurt you."

I said nothing, just stared. This was my first contact with people for more than 7 years. I didn't know what to do. He sighed and knelt down. He reached out his hand with a large smile that made you want to trust him. I looked at his extended hand, not sure what I was supposed to do with it.

He laughed. His laugh was comforting. "You shake it silly!" He reached out and took my hand, shaking it. I looked at our hands. I had only held hands with Gaara.

"So what's your name? Where are you from?" He asked. "You gave us quite a shock. I found you collapsed in the desert. You had been out there for a day by the time I found you. We took you here and then they treated you. You have been asleep for about three days."

I swallowed hard. I opened my mouth to say my name, but no words came out. I clutched a hand over it. It still hadn't come back. Kiyo licked my hand comfortingly but I felt tears sting my eyes. I looked up at the man with pleading eyes. He seemed to understand. His eyes softened.

"You lost your voice huh? That explains all the blood then..." He sighed and stood up. "Stay right here, I will be right back."

He turned to leave and I reached out, grabbing his leg with a light hold. I didn't want him to leave. I was scared of someone else coming through that door. He just gave me a reassuring smile and disappeared.

I looked towards the window again. I was not in a ninja village, and so far there were no ninja around. I swallowed hard and moved to a chair, waiting for something to happen. _What am I going to do Kiyo? I just want to go back home…_

The door opened after a few more long minutes passed before the white haired man returned. HE held out a pad and pen. "here you are! Problem solved huh?"

I took the pad and looked at it. Gaara had taught me how to write long ago, so I was pretty fluent with it. It came to me easily. I wrote down one word: CALISTA

Holding it up to him, the man read it aloud. "Calista eh? Pretty name. I'm Jiraiya!" He patted me on my head. "Now where do you come from?

_A few miles outside of Suna. _I wrote.

He seemed puzzled. "Outside of the village hidden in the sand? Not in but outside?" I nodded. "How did they not know about you?"

_One of them did_

"Who?" His eyes bore into mine and I looked down at the pad, writing a name.

_Gaara. _I smiled sadly.

He lifted an eyebrow. "Gaara of the dessert?" I nodded and he seemed to be contemplating something. I looked around the room nervously.

_Can I go now? _ I scribbled.

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, let's let the nurses take a look at you and then I can take you back home ok?" Jiraiya proposed. I shook my head. "You don't want to go home?"

I shook my head and picked up the pad. _I don't have one _I wrote.

He frowned. "We will talk more about this later. For now let's just get you out of here ok? I will go talk to the nurses." He left shortly after.

I pet Kiyo and tried to distract myself as the nurses came in. They all looked at me with weird expressions. A male nurse came in but was sent away, which confused me to no end. I pushed it to the back of my mind and instead listened as they spoke to me. One of the nurses looked at my throat for a while and shook her head. "I'm sorry but our technology isn't advanced enough to heal your throat. You will live, and it won't pain you but… I'm sorry. There may be no technology out there for this."

I had expected as much, but it still hurt. I opened my mouth to make noise to scream, to do anything. Nothing came out. I felt my eyes tear up. One of the nurses put a hand on me. "Please, it will be ok. You will get used to it eventually don't worry."

She was trying to comfort me and I appreciated it. I just didn't know how to react.

"Well, your uh... clothes are right there. You are free to leave and that nice man paid your hospital bill. But... You might want to consider wearing something else. Going around in something like that is dangerous for someone like you." She gave me a sincere smile and then left, the nurses following.

Her words confused me. What was wrong with wearing those clothes? I shrugged and undressed, putting on the clothes. It was nothing more than a chest wrap and short shorts. I shrugged, not seeing what was wrong and stepped outside the door with Kiyo.

I didn't know the customs of these people, or any people. Gaara once told me that people always bowed to him. I wondered if that meant I was supposed to bow to people. Someone walked by and stared at me with wide eyes. I bowed low. Another did the same thing and I bowed. I made my way down the hallway like that until I felt a hand grab my arm. I looked up to see Jiraiya.

"Calista. We need to leave here. You should have waited for me to retrieve you." He seemed distressed over something. I narrowed my eyes, wondering what right to act like this he had.

We got out of the hospital and onto the streets and the stares got worse. Every single eye was on me. I knew now that I was not imagining things. I looked up to Jiraiya fearfully, wondering what was wrong with me. He looked back with a reassuring smile and picked up his pace slightly. He stopped and took off his red jacket, draping it over me. I reached to uncover my face but he just shook his head. I stopped and we continued. I was blinded.

Once we were out of the town, he pulled us aside and over to a river. I now took off the red jacket and looked quizzically at him. I looked around for the pad. I couldn't find it. Kiyo wined and licked my face.

"Looking for this?" Jiraiya pulled out the pad he had gotten for me. I took it with a bow. He laughed.

_Why were they looking at me?_

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You mean you don't know?"

I shook my head.

He led me over to rock and sat me down. "I will have a long talk with you about this later. For now we need to get back to my village. Nar-"

"OI! I'm back!" Loud male voice screeched out. N orange blob ran into the rocky area besides us. I instantly recognized the headband. It was the same one Gaara wore only with a different emblem. This kid was a ninja.

With a squeak I hid behind Jiraiya, hoping he would protect me from the man. Kiyo hissed and growled menacingly, though I was pretty sure he failed at the tactic. I clutched Jiraiya tightly.

"Oi! Naruto! You scared her."

I widened my eyes. How did Jiraiya know the ninja? Was he associated with them?

"huh?" He asked quizzically, rubbing the back of his head with a confused look. I narrowed my eyes. He looked harmless but he would kill me if he had the chance.

Jiraiya looked back at my glare with a raised eyebrow. "Yo kiddo, You scared of Ninja?"

I rolled my eyes. _As if… why would I be scared of the evil creatures? _I thought nervously.

Jiraiya laughed. "Don't worry kid, this is Naruto. He couldn't hurt you even if he wanted to. His voice seemed to hold a deeper meaning to it. I let it slide and though I did not see a reason not to believe this man, but I found it hard to shift the logic of what Gaara had always told me. He told me to stay away from people, that they would hurt me. Especially Ninja. I would never believe this man over Gaara but… Gaara was a nice ninja so perhaps this man was too. I put my head in my hands, trying to block out the thoughts. "Besides, I was a ninja! I'm as harmless as can be!"

Naruto scoffed at that. I widened my eyes. He used to be a ninja? He was so nice on the outside but if he was a ninja then surely he should be evil… right?

"Hey, you alright?" The concerned blonde was in my face suddenly. I gasped and fell backwards, landing on my butt.

"Whoa!" He reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me back up. He froze, staring into my face for a second with wide eyes until Jiraiya bonked him on the head and cut him off with a sharp look. He smiled sheepishly and then turned back to me with a widened grin. The grin he wore was a lot like Jiraiya's. It made me feel like I could trust him. "What's your name?"

He looked at me expectantly and when I didn't answer his smile dropped. I reached for the pad but before I wrote it all down Jiraiya intervened on my behalf.

"Her name is Calista; she didn't give a last name. She is not from around… she is mute."

"Mute?"

"She can't talk."

He looked at me with an expression in his eyes that made me shift. It wasn't exactly pity, more like empathy. He grinned big again. "Well that's ok! I'm Naruto Uzumaki! And I'm going to be Hokage one day!" He pointed to himself. "Believe it!"

I opened my mouth and though no sound came out I was sure that they understood the notion. I was laughing. Kiyo looked at me, confused. I smiled and pet his head.

"Whoa! So cool!" Naruto gushed, sweeping Kiyo up in his arms, who didn't seem to mind. He had sensed that I was ok with this harmless ninja and as such also relaxed. He licked Naruto's whiskered face with his rough tongue. Manny people didn't know, but wolves had rough tongues like a cat. "What's his name?"

_Kiyo _ I wrote.

"C'mon you two. We need to get back to the village. We will be stopping in a cottage about a mile from it that belongs to me. Calista is going to stay there while I talk to the Hokage understand? Naruto, nobody, not even Sasuke or Sakura is to know of her. I don't want her involved in the exams."

"Sure sensei." He said with a quizzical look. I didn't like how they talked about me like I wasn't there. Naruto shot me a smile and then stood up. He pointed in a random direction. "This way! We'll get there by night if we run!"

They started to move and so did I, but then they stopped.

"Here, get on my back. We are going to be running. It will take us forever if we go at a regular pace." Jiraiya said, bending down. I shook my head. "Look you may not want to be carried but if we w-"

I put my finger up to his mouth, cutting him off. '_Look' _I mouthed. I jumped up and into a tree, looking down at them. Jiraiya didn't seem surprised but Naruto widened his eyes.

"You're a ninja!" He pointed. I shook my head no. He seemed quizzical but before he could question more Jiraiya cut him off with another stern look.

Together we traveled for the rest of the day. It was nightfall by the time we arrived at the cottage. It was a simple one room structure. He slipped me inside. "I need to go right now. I will be back later with something to eat. Sorry we couldn't get anything for you in that village, we had to leave. I will send someone over with food later tonight just do me a favor?"

I didn't see what else I would do. I nodded.

"Don't leave this cottage until someone wearing a forehead protector that looks like Naruto's comes to retrieve you. I am going to cover it in a Genjutsu so it is important that you remain hidden. And wait for someone to come and bring you food and talk to you." He looked serious. Naruto was waiting outside the Cottage.

Jiraiya turned away and I reached out. He looked back and I waved goodbye. He smiled and ruffled up my hair. Then he disappeared.

I retreated to the bed. I didn't know what was going on, it had all happened to fast. It had only been four days or so. I was unconscious for most of that as well. I sighed. This place needed some cleaning up and I might as well do it.

It was a small two room cottage, with a bathroom and a bedroom/kitchen. The bathroom it had a single toilet and a round tub along with a small sink.

The bedroom held a small bed and a single dresser and a dozen candles. A small table with three chairs and a sink and fridge made up the kitchen. There was also a stove. It looked a lot like the cottage that I had lived in. I lit all the candles to give me more light, as it was practically pitch black.

I was in the middle of scrubbing, when Kiyo dropped the rag he was carrying to me and growled at the door. I froze, also turning. I wish I had a weapon with me, but there wasn't even any water nearby. I reached out to turn on the sink and try to generate some when the door knocked.

"Calista?" A familiar voice called out. I immediately dropped what I was doing and ran to the door, swinging it open and revealing Jiraiya. I smiled and stepped for him to come in. But, Then I realized I was not alone. I glared at an old man behind him. The old man smiled warmly despite it and walked in. He pulled out the chair next to the table and sat in it. Jiraiya did the same with the other free chair. HE motioned to the last free one for me to take.

I took a seat and the old man pulled out two large white bags and set them on the table. "Hello Calista. My name is Hiruzen Sarutobi. The third Hokage of Konoha." He smiled warmly again.

I was sure that if I was holding something I would have dropped it. Gaara had told me about how his father, the Kazekage was a cruel man. I gulped in fear that this man was like that.

"No need to be afraid Child. We are here to ask you some things and to help you." His eyes held no lie but I looked to Jiraiya for reassurance. He nodded his head.

"Answer his questions Calista."

I nodded and got up, walking over and picking up the pad. The Hokage was emptying the contents of the bags when I sat back down. He first handed me a stack of clothes. "This is a nightgown for you to wear tonight. There is also an outfit for you to put on tomorrow."

I looked at the white nightgown. It was cotton. I smiled, having been afraid it was that silk. Gaara had brought me a silk nightgown once. I hated the feel of it. The clothes were of an odd fashion. I looked at them closely. They were white with black trim. A pair of long pants and a halter top like thing with a jacket over it that I was sure would go down to the floor and engulf my hands. It buttoned up the front completely and had a hood that was entirely too big. I shrugged off the weird design and placed it aside. I tried not to blush as I noticed the white underwear. It was embarrassing to be given it by a guy.

"And this is your dinner." The Hokage said, taking out a large plastic container and chopsticks, along with a bowl of assorted fruits. I smiled and was so hungry I took off the lid, revealing Ramen. I gulped. I didn't like cooked foods. I didn't know what it was, but cooked foods tasted bad to me. However, I was so hungry I would eat it. I smiled my thanks and then started to devour it.

"Now Calista, we need to know a few things." The old man started again.

I looked up, still eating and waiting for him to continue. "What is your last name? What clan are you from?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"You don't know?" He asked.

I nodded my head in confirmation. He and Jiraiya shared a glance.

"Calista, I think we need to start from the beginning. Tell us everything you know from as far back as you remember" Jiraiya said. I sighed and taking a last swallow of the food in my mouth, I picked up the pad. I angled it so they could read as I wrote.

_When I was young, so young I do not really remember the incident; I was moved from my village. There was blood. I just remember running until my legs gave out. Running and then finding a small cottage. It was sandy; I had arrived just outside of Suna. Perhaps… five miles?_

"They didn't sense you?_" The Hokage asked. _

_I don't know. One person did. About a month after I got there I found him. He was a year older than me. We became friends. _

"Who was he?"

_Gaara. He was nice. He warned me about being seen by others. He was really nice. He brought me food and shelter and was my best friend. He warned me about the evil ninja. He was the only nice one around there. He also helped me learn all the jutsu I know!_

I smiled at the memory. I looked up and into the eyes of the two men. They seemed to be concerned about something. "You mean you had no contact with anyone of the outside world?" Jiraiya finally asked. I shook my head. He sighed.

"What happened that made you leave then?"

I felt tears sting my eyes.

_He started acting differently and then a day before he had to leave he lashed out. I-_ I had to stop writing because round drops were appearing on the paper.

"Was that how you lost your voice? He attacked you?" Jiraiya put a hand on my shoulder. I bit my lip and nodded. He sighed.

I took this opportunity to ask a question of my own. _Why did we have to leave like that? Why did people look at me like that, even Naruto?_

He looked at the paper and then frowned. "Calista... I suppose this is to be suspected after going so long without seeing people. Look... Have you ever looked in a mirror?"

I shook my head, not since I could remember. I had no Idea what he was getting at. He reached into the white bag and took out a small mirror. "Calista, look in this."

I don't know why, but I felt an apprehension grow in my stomach. I was deathly afraid that I was horribly disfigured or so ugly that that was why Gaara had left me like that. I reached for it slowly and then held it up to my face. I immediately wanted to slam it back down, but was unable to.

Pale green, almost white eyes stared back at me. Pale lashes surrounding them. A small nose, lips that were a soft pink and slightly plump. Skin that was as white as the clothes I had received. All of it framed by soft, shiny white hair that had a small hints of blue and a slight wave to it. What was the most abnormal was what was surrounding my eyes. Soft streaks of light blue, almost transparent, were in the corner of my eyes. They spiraled out for an inch and a half, twisting in elegant patterns.

I gasped, this couldn't be me. I didn't feel like I should look like this I was…

"Beautiful." The Hokage finished for me. Jiraiya reached out and took the mirror from my hands.

I shook my head, putting it in my hands. This wasn't right. I didn't have much to compare myself with, but I knew the truth. I was beautiful, unnaturally so.

"The odd pattern on your skin, and the way you look… It was a good thing that your friend kept you away from others. Also… I think it is best that we don't let others know of you yet. I won't force you, but I would like it if you were to come to the village. We can see what you know about jutsu, we can train you until we are confident you can defend yourself. We can give you an apartment and I will not require that you become a ninja of the leaf, only that you do not betray us. Understand that I am taking a risk right now in letting you in our village, knowing nothing about you."

I took in the hokage's words carefully. If I said yes, then I would be taken care of, but there would be some restraints. I would be looked at weird, I would me hated perhaps. I would be surrounded by the cruel ninja. If I said no I would be left vulnerable. I would most likely die.

Taking a deep breath I wrote one last thing on my tab.

_I will go with you._

They both smiled, looking relived. "I will send someone over to retrieve you early tomorrow morning. Bathe, finish eating and rest up tonight ok?"

I nodded and with a pat on the head, Jiraiya and the Hokage left. I sat with Kiyo and finished my food; we bathed together and then went to bed. I was in a slight shock. I reached up and touched my face. I couldn't believe that any of this was happening.

"Gaara… What are you doing right now?" I asked the moon.


	4. Chrysanthemum

I woke to someone gently nudging me. I rolled over with Kiyo and looked into the face of a man. His eyes widened for a moment before they stilled. He wore a mask over his face and his forehead protector covered his left eye. He had unruly white hair. He smiled at me, or at least I guessed he did because the corners of his eyes crinkled like that. "Hello Calista." He greeted.

I nodded my head politely, scrambling out of the bad with Kiyo at my heel. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and he looked away for a second before looking back.

"I am Kakashi Hatake" He greeted and held out his hand. I took it and shook it nervous without Jiraiya. "I will give you a few minutes to get dressed and stuff, I will be waiting outside where we can take you to your apartment and I will get you something to eat. How does that sound?"

I nodded my head and grabbing the clothes I disappeared in the bathroom. I now understood the purpose of the long clothes and oversized hood. I buttoned it up all the way and walked out. Kiyo was wiggling happily in my arms.

He led me a mile to the gate. Right before we approached he reached over and nudged my hood. I took the cue and pulled it up over my head. Kakashi passed by the gate and led me down and to the side of town, where an apartment building was. He led us up to the top floor and opened the door to an apartment. It was large, too large in my opinion.

The walls were white and the carpet was light grayish blue. There were four rooms. A kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom and a living room area. I widened my eyes and went to explore each room. The one we had entered into was the living room. It was empty. The kitchen was straight ahead. It held a dining table with five chairs, it was wooden and black and the chairs were white. There were all stainless steel appliances and though it was all empty it was a large fridge. There was an espresso machine and a microwave and a stove and oven as well.

I ran into the bathroom. There was a large mirror, a white sink and a toilet. What struck me as odd though was the lack of a bathtub. I noticed another door and opened it. It led to a patio outside. IT was on the top floor so I didn't have to worry about peepers. The bathtub was a large wooden one. It was an outside one. I smiled. Unless someone was on the roof they wouldn't be able to see me.

I reinterred to check out the last room. The bedroom was pretty empty, there was a king sized bed with a soft fuzzy white blanket. There was a large closet with a sliding door; the door was a big mirror. There was a dresser and a bookshelf. There was a small lamp on a nightstand. It was empty, but would work for me.

I turned around and let out a gasp when I saw Kakashi behind me. Or, I would have had I been able to. Instead air just came out. I closed my mouth and instead just smiled. This ninja seemed like a good man too.

"I am glad you like it. I am supposed to take you out today to get a few necessities and then later see what kind of Jutsu you can do. There is a very important test going on for our ninja so it is pretty empty out there." He reassured me. "We can stop and get breakfast too."

I nodded my head and ran back to get my notepad and pen. He smiled. "We will get you some of that too." He said, referring to the paper.

_Thank you _I held the pad up to him. He just shrugged it off. I reached down and picked up Kiyo and pulled my hood over my face, stepping into the crisp morning breeze.

The air here was full of moisture, unlike Suna. It would fit my power better.

Kakashi led me through the town. I got stares due to my weird outfit and the way that Kakashi was always so close and protective of me. I blushed.

He took me to a few stores. Together we bought seven outfits, one for every day of the week. He also bought me seven nightgowns. We got shampoo and conditioner and other hygiene products. He bought plates and silverware and bowls and pots and pans. He bought me a few books on the history of this world, and everything up to date. We went grocery shopping and bought all the groceries I could ever eat. I was smiling brightly despite the heavy load. That combined with the fact that the hood made it so that I could barely see was spelling disaster.

I struggled more and then felt my burden relieved. I looked over to see Naruto now juggling the items. I grabbed a box just as it fell of the top. I added a few more to balance out the load and give us both a load I could handle.

"Hey Calista! Hey Kakashi! I passed my test!" He grinned foolishly. "The next round of the exams starts in a few days! I can't wait! I am going to show them all what I can do!" He waited for praise.

"Be careful on the next round." Kakashi said. Naruto rolled his eyes and I lifted enough to let him see my smile. He smiled back and I noticed that he didn't stare. This kid was special, I could tell that much.

"Naruto you idiot! Don't just run off like that!" A high pitched female voice rang out, approaching us. I tensed up and looked down. Naruto looked at me and then at the two approaching figures.

"Sakura! Sasuke! You're just mad because I'm too fast for you guys to keep up with!" He shouted. I smiled under my hood. Kakashi looked down at me and then made a signal with his finger. Two masked men appeared.

"Take this stuff back to her apartment." He ordered. The masked men grabbed the items out of Naruto, Kakashi and my hands. I gladly let them relive me of the weight. Then in a flash they were gone. I looked to Kakashi for an explanation.

"Read the books I got you." He said, making me scowl. He turned to the other three. "We were just about to eat actually. Naruto, would you take her to get something to eat while I talk to Sasuke?"

Naruto nodded his head and pulled me along. I felt eyes bore into me and some whispers as we ran through the street. We stopped in front of a ramen booth. Naruto took a seat. He ordered a big helping of ramen and some egg yolk for Kiyo. He looked to me as if asking what I wanted. I took out my pad.

_I don't like cooked food... Sorry._

He looked at me like I had grown another arm. I reached over and flicked him on the forehead.

Once we finished our breakfast/lunch, Naruto took me to a field. Kakashi was already there.

"Ok Calista, I want to see a list of jutsu you can do. Can you write them all down for me?"

I nodded my head and pulled out my pad. I sat down on the ground, pulled back my hood so I could see better, and began writing. Kiyo tried to get in the way by laying on the bad but a stern look from me had him retreating and chasing bugs on the ground.

_Body replacement  
cloak of invisibility  
Clone  
Rope escape  
Transformation jutsu  
Body flicker jutsu  
Beast wave palm  
Beast wave violent Wind Palm  
Beast of wind  
Great sandstorm technique  
Wind enhanced water wave  
Great Waterfall Technique (still kind of underdeveloped)  
Grudge Rain  
Watercutting sword  
Stormy Blockade  
Tearing Torrent  
Water Dragon Whip  
Black Dragon Blizzard  
Twin Dragon Blizzard  
One horned White Whale  
Swallow Snow Storm  
Tearing Dragon Fierce Tiger  
Wolf Fang Avalanche  
Ice Spikes  
Water Armor_

I tried to think of more, sure there was, but it just wouldn't come to me. I handed the list to Kakashi and he looked it over with a stoic face, though his body tensed. "So you are a Wind and Water user?"

I nodded.

"I am going to have to have you demonstrate a few of these for me." He requested, handing the pad back to me. I nodded again and he led me and Naruto a few more miles out and to a small lake. It was large enough for what I needed.

"How did you learn so many techniques Calista?" Naruto asked, appearing next to me.

_My best friend Gaara_ I wrote. Naruto gapped.

"You mean that red headed freak from the sand? That weird guy is the one who taught you these?" He asked, stopping.

Red headed freak? I felt my blood boil. Kiyo growled and the sound of a slap resonated through the forest. Kakashi turned back. Naruto was holding his read cheek with wide eyes and I was glaring with tears in my eyes. He was here? I thought he would be but… I wasn't sure. And this is what people thought about him? He got enough from that at the sand and now he comes here, to the chunnin exams and gets treated like it by guys who don't even know him?

I spun around and continued walking. Gaara was here. I might see him then right? It was a good two months that he would be there. I could see him and maybe tell him what really happened, why I left and then… well I could make up some lie about losing my voice to not make him feel guilty.

"Ok Calista, I want you to do a few simple jutsu first." Kakashi said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded my head slowly, snapping out of my trance. I removed the large jacket and felt their eyes on me. I blushed and look down. Kakashi nudged Naruto and he looked away.

"Ok, fist can you perform a clone?"

I made the sign for rain, snake, and then tiger. An exact replica of me appeared to my left. Kakashi nodded his head. "Ok, Body flicker technique?"

I made the sign for the ram and then disappeared, reappearing about five feet away. Kakashi read further down the list. He raised an eyebrow.

"I am going to have you perform some wind techniques, then water, and then see how you do missing them together to make ice." He waited for my nod and then continued. "Ok, Beast Violent Wind Palm."

I closed my eyes to concentrate. Once I was done I made a series of hand signals and then opened my eyes, jutting out my hand towards the lake as to not hurt anyone. A condensed amount of sign that was mixed with my chakra formed a demonic like claw that extended from my right hand. I shot it out and picked up a tree and tried to move it. I threw it into the lake with a bit to much force and only managed to soak us all.

Silently laughing nervously at their soaked forms I cut off the jutsu. Kakashi smiled beneath his mask and Naruto started gushing on about how cool that was. I just looked down sheepishly.

"Ok, I think that that proves that you have the wind technique down. No for water… A simple Water cutting sword."

I nodded my head and made three hand signs, I mouthed the words: Water slicing blade and held out my right hand. Instantly a sharp jagged sword was in my grasp. I slashed behind me and cut into the tree. I then let go after a nod from Kakashi and it returned to water in the ground.

He rubbed the back of his head. "ok, if you have enough Chakra left I want you to try Ice release: Twin dragon blizzard. I have never seen that one."

I widened my eyes and shook my head. I pulled out my pad. _It is too dangerous. I haven't fully perfected it. It could get out of control!_

He nodded his head. "Then just show me the black dragon blizzard. We are a good five or six miles from the village. They might see it, but they won't be able to know what happened. Don't worry."

I nodded my head-albeit reluctantly- and made a long series of hand signs. Bird, snake, monkey, horse, dog. I then shouted with no voice: _Ice release: Black dragon Blizzard Jutsu_!

I took a step back Kiyo hopped up and sat on my shoulder. I targeted a group of trees on the other side of the lake. Getting my footwork in I took a step back, my fist propped and then I shot my fist forward.

A black swirling mass sot out from my fist, instantly think the form of a black dragon head with red glowing eyes and red glowing mouth. It was larger than I had meant it to be, its mouth was the size of Kakashi.

I realized fast that it was a mistake. It rose up nearly a fourth of a mile into the sky, roared and then charged back down. It went farther than I had meant for it to. In the blink of an eye it was nearly a quarter mile away, crashing through the trees with ease. When I finally cut it off by crashing it into the ground, a large strip nearly half a mile long and ten meters wide was empty, everything surrounding it frozen in ice. I fell down on my knees. It had been too long since I used that Jutsu, I had overestimated myself.

Naruto and Kakashi instantly ran to my side. I held out my hand. They helped me up. Naruto continued gushing about how cool it was. I was frowning. I got my jacket and put it back on. The water in the lake was less and I felt guilty for that. Luckily, it wouldn't last long because the ice would melt and then s.

"We can go now. We will test your hand-to-hand later ok?" Kakashi said, crinkling up his eyes. I nodded and together the three of us made out way back to the apartment. I noticed a black haired kid standing outside of it and instantly looked down, hiding my face behind my hood.

"Sasuke what are you doing here?" Kakashi asked; his voice hard and tense.


	5. Stock

"It's my apartment, why wouldn't I be here." Sasuke's voice was cold, smooth calm. It reminded me too much of someone else's. I visibly flinched.

"Why are you really here Sasuke?"

"I saw something odd from outside. A black dragon in the sky. I want to know what it was.." Kiyo growled at him, sensing my tension.

I winced and grabbed Naruto's hand. I pulled on him and he got the hint. We ran together, past the Sasuke guy. He reached out and grabbed my cloak. The hood fell off but I managed to hide my face into Naruto's chest. Kakashi reached out to stop him when he made to go after me and Naruto. Together we ran upstairs and into my room. I noticed immediately that all of the items were unpacked and put away. There was also a light blue couch in the living room along with a table and a board game on it.

"What's wrong Calista? That was Sasuke. He's my teammate. I know he can come of cold but he's really a nice guy." I looked up into his eyes. He blushed and looked down. Kiyo jumped down from my shoulder and went over to the newfound water and food bowl, checking them out.

Frustrated I walked over and lifted his face with both of my hands, forcing him to look at me in the face. He widened his eyes and looked concerned. I stared into his blue eyes. After a long moment he relaxed. I put my forehead to his and took a deep breath.

Pulling away I grabbed my pad. _I am just a human. _He looked at it and then at his feet. I could tell he was ashamed for staring, but I wanted him to know that I may look different, but I wasn't.

"Sorry for staring Calista… and sorry for saying those things about your friend." I could tell that he really was sorry. Naruto was a good kid. I put a hand out and smiled. I grabbed his hand and led him into the kitchen.

_Are you hungry?_ I wrote.

"Yeah!" He yelled.

I smiled and pulled out some premade sushi we had bought fresh that morning. I gave him half and me half. We sat down in silence. I hadn't even finished half of mine before Naruto was done with all of his. I laughed silently and gave him half of what I had left. With a sheepish grin he also ate that.

We had just finished when Kakashi and Jiraiya walked in. "Sorry for taking so long. I had to report to the Hokage about your progress. " He said. I nodded my head.

Jiraiya walked over and ruffled up my hair with a big grin. "Oi! Naruto you got a girlfriend already! I told you that all my tricks worked!"

Naruto shouted and blushing reached out to bonk the white haired man on the head. I opened my mouth with more silent laughter. I was going to like it here.

An hour later Kakashi and Jiraiya left to go do work. Ten minutes after that it was twilight and Naruto said that he had an important test tomorrow, part of the exams. He turned to leave and I held up the pad.

_Can you tell me how Gaara does? Tell me if he makes it through them o?. I heard that they were dangerous. _My eyes watered. Naruto smiled and gave me a thumbs up.

"I will for sure! Believe it!" He yelled and then left. I waved after him.

I found myself smiling as I walked back to the bed. I pulled out one of the books about the history of the ninja world, reading all about how it was formed and such. I read about 20 pages before I started to get into it, really into it.

When it got too dark to read by the light I lit a candle and folded the book page I was on. Undressing I walked out onto the platform stark naked. The cold didn't bother me in the least. I ran the water in the tub, filling it up to the top. Grabbing my toothpaste I brushed my teeth while waiting for the water to cool down. I grabbed the bag of shampoo conditioner and soap. I left Kiyo in the house, not wanting him to jump in with me. I needed to relax.

I stepped back out on the balcony and into the water. It was the perfect temperature for me. I sank in and leaned against the side, my whole body covered in the large tub. I started to mouth the words of a song that I had listened to often. I just now understood the meaning of the words.

_I just can't believe you're gone_

_Still waiting for morning to come_

_Wanna see if the sun will rise_

_Even without you by my side_

_When we had so much in store_

_Tell me what is it I'm reaching for_

_When we're through building memories_

_I'll hold yesterday in my heart_

_In my heart_

_They can take tomorrow and the plans we made_

_They can take the music that we'll never play_

_All the broken dreams, take everything_

_Just take it away but they can never have yesterday_

_They can take the future that we'll never know_

_They can take the places that we said we would go_

_All the broken dreams, take everything_

_Just take it away but they can never have yesterday_

_You always used to say_

_I should be thankful for everyday_

_Heaven knows what the future holds_

_Or at least how the story goes_

_But I never believed them till now_

_I know I'll see you again, I'm sure_

_No, it's not selfish to ask for more_

_One more night, one more day_

_One more smile on your face_

_But they can't take yesterday_

_They can take tomorrow and the plans we made_

_They can take the music that we'll never play_

_All the broken dreams, take everything_

_Just take it away but they can never have yesterday_

_They can take the future that we'll never know_

_They can take the places that we said we would go_

_All the broken dreams, take everything_

_Just take it away but they can never have yesterday_

_I thought our days would last forever_

_But it wasn't our destiny_

_Coz in my mind we had so much time_

_But I was so wrong_

_No, I can't believe that_

_I can still find the strength in the moments we made_

_I'm looking back on yesterday_

_They can take tomorrow and the plans we made_

_They can take the music that we'll never play_

_All the broken dreams, take everything_

_Just take it away but they can never have yesterday_

_They can take the future that we'll never know_

_They can take the places that we said we would go_

_All the broken dreams, take everything_

_Just take it away but they can never have yesterday_

_All the broken dreams, take everything_

_But they can never have yesterday_

By the time I was done I realized that I was crying. That song finally had a meaning to me. I may never see Gaara again, but the sun would rise, I would smile again, and I would always hold all of our memories close to my heart. Like when he taught me how to swim, when he showed me my first Jutsu. All of those memories would forever remain in my heart.

Gaara had changed. I didn't know what had happened, perhaps it was all for the mean ninja. I hadn't met a mean ninja yet, I suppose that that Sasuke guy sounded cold and mean, but that was probably just an act. I was sure that it would all be ok.

I was so consumed in my thoughts that I didn't notice someone approach until there was a kunai at my throat. I let out a silent scream and moved to fight back. It was useless; he pressed it closer to me. I froze.

"Why are you here?" I recognized it as the man from earlier.

I said nothing, I couldn't talk.

"Answer me!" He hissed out. The blade pressed harder against my throat.

I heard Kiyo yapping behind the door. I closed my eyes, I was still crying slightly. I opened my mouth

_I CANT TALK! _I silently screamed.

He was getting frustrated. He grabbed my wet hair and pulled my face to the side, giving him a good look of me.

I closed my eyes and felt his grip slacken for a minute before regaining its earlier strong hold. I winced and opened my eyes. He was glaring at me. I recognized the man. Naruto's teammate from earlier. Sasuke. But those eyes. I recognized those eyes. They looked like Gaara's. So much like Gaara's. I gasped and I felt more tears streaming from my eyes.

"Why won't you talk?" He growled, dangerous.

_Can't _I mouthed.

He seemed to understand. "You can't talk?" He asked.

I tried to nod my head but his blade was in the way. He lifted it just enough to allow me to nod or shake my head. I nodded.

"You aren't from around here?" I nodded my head. "What is your name? Why are you here?"

I didn't respond. How could I. I felt the teas come up again, afraid of being killed by this ninja. I knew that it was a mistake to come here. I should have stayed in the forest. I closed my eyes and prepared for him to hurt me. He didn't.

"SASUKE! What the hell do you think you're doing! You bastard!" A familiar voice rang out. I opened my eyes to see Naruto running at Sasuke with a fist raised. He removed the knife from me and I took the opportunity to grab the towel besides me and wrap my body completely and securely. I then hid behind the tub as I watched Naruto throw punches at Sasuke.

I winced, not liking this. _Stop… _I mouthed. _STOP! STOP THIS! _

Emerging from my hiding spot I ran to Naruto and blocked one of Sasuke's punches with my arm. He widened his eyes when it didn't leave a mark, instead there seemed to be a ripple over my skin. Water Armor.

I wrapped my arms around Naruto's neck, crying. He didn't seem to know what to do. He held onto me awkwardly. I brought my head up from his chest and reached out to his face. His cheek was swollen from a hit from Sasuke. I kissed it gently like gaara used to do whenever I got hurt when we were little. I spoke the apology with my eyes.

He rubbed the back of his head, his usual smile in place with a blush. "Don't look at me that way." He grinned with a blush, rubbing my hair like Jiraiya did. I let go of him and stood behind him, looking down and not at Sasuke.

"Who is she? Why is she in this village and why do she not have a forehead protector? She is obviously a ninja." He glared. I looked up at Naruto.

"Sasuke you bastard! She's here because Jiraiya brought her here! That's all I know. She's having a hard enough time as it is and you have to try to kill her you bastard!" Naruto yelled, gripping my shoulder.

I stood still. "She's a danger to this village. You saw what she did. That dragon, it was her wasn't it? We don't know anything about her. She is probably a rogue ninja."

"Jiraiya and the Hokage and Kakashi-sensei all trust her. So do I." I was happy hearing Naruto. He trusted me even though he didn't know me for more than two days. It meant a lot to me.

Sasuke huffed. "How can you trust her when you don't even know her? She is too strong to be normal. She's a freak."

I tensed up. Naruto glared. He seemed to take this personally. "Shutup Sasuke."

"Why should I. She isn't normal."

"Shut up Sasuke!" Naruto growled, he made hand signs for a clone jutsu, while Sasuke made the signs for a fire jutsu.

Thinking fast I ran in between the two of them. I made the sign for the tiger. Water release: watter dragon whip.

Instantly a shield of water surrounded me. I sent out whips to exterminate Naruto's shadow clone ninja and I was close enough to Sasuke that when he released his technique the fireball just hit against the water and disappear. I panted. That Jutsu was too powerful for me. I fell to my knees while Sasuke and Naruto both looked at me with wide eyes. The water disappeared And Kiyo scratch against the door fervently.

I panted heavily. Naruto walked over and reached to pick me up. He froze though, seeing another figure walk over to me.

I widened my eyes as I looked over and saw the Hokage. He grabbed Naruto and Sasuke both by the ears. "You idiots! What do you think you three are doing fighting like this! Naruto you could have seriously hurt Sasuke! And Sasuke! You could have burnt down this building! Calista! Well... I will think of something to yell at you for later! You two!" He pulled harder on the ears of Naruto and Sasuke. "In my office now. And you-"

He turned to me and I tensed up with wide eyes. "You get some sleep!"

I watched as he stormed off. I blinked several times, not sure exactly what had just happened. "Don't worry about them. They will be ok. Sasuke just suspect everybody and Naruto wants to protect them all."

I spun around to see Jiraiya. I nodded my head. "Here, you should go in and get dressed, get a good night's sleep." He grinned. I smiled as well. I bowed goodnight and went in to the yapping and worried Kiyo.

I slept surprising well that night despite the nightmares.


	6. Scarlet Zinnia

I woke up to the sun in my eyes. It had been three days since I last saw anyone, and I was getting a little lonely. Not that I wasn't used to it, but it was intimidating knowing that there were busy streets below me and I could do nothing about it. I wondered if today I someone would come and see me. I missed Naruto, but I had heard that he just finished the test.

Checking the clock on the wall it was nine. The birds chirped happily. I walked over to the window and threw the curtains open, In a simple white nightgown with Kiyo yapping at my feet, I smiled as well. This was a good place, a fresh beginning. I knew I could get used to it.

I let the sunrise kiss my face and noticed Sasuke walking out of the apartment from below. He had his hands in his pockets. He must have finished the next test, which must mean that Naruto was also ok. He also must have felt my eyes on his back because he turned around, staring straight into my eyes. I didn't move and he just stared at me before spinning around with a deeper frown than before. I sighed, not sure what had made him hate me.

"Ah, I see you're already up."

I spun around to see Jiraiya smiling over at me. I smiled back.

"Today I want to test your hand to hand if that is ok. Kakashi is busy with something else so he won't be able to. I am going to take you to someone who should be able to test you well." Jiraiya turned around.

I ran over to my pad. _But can't you spar against me?_

He smiled. "Yes. But this is also so you can meet the two men who I want to become your sensei's during your time here. If that is ok with you?"

I frowned and wrote some more. _Why can't you be my sense?_

He grinned and patted my head. "Naruto is more than I can handle by myself. Sorry but our hands are full."

I pouted slightly and Jiraiya made me smile by making a funny face. This man was weird, but I liked him.

"Ok, so I will give you half an hour to eat and get all ready ok?" I nodded and he turned to go.

I watched him leave and then scrambled to eat as fast as I could. Kiyo yipped eagerly for his food and I dished some meat into a tray. he was getting bigger every day and soon he would have to start hunting for his own food. I frowned at the thought of my little baby growing up.

That thought made me giggle silently. I wondered if that was how a mother felt. I was sort of like a mother. I took care of Kiyo, I fed and bathed and walked him. I also took god care of gaara whenever he came and visited. I tried to… I just wasn't enough to get him to stay.

I saw something drop into the bowl of fruit and reached up, touching my face. Tears. I smiled sadly at the bowl and Kiyo nudged my leg with his foot.

_But they can't take yesterday…_

Jiraiya was waiting at the training ground besides a two men I did not recognize. I had been hoping that Naruto would be there, but Jiraiya had explained that he needed to rest. I looked at the two men and was glad that I had my cloak on to cover up most of my body and face.

I looked over the two men carefully. One was a tall man with a green vest like Kakashi's. I had read that they signified rank. It meant that he was a Jonin if I remembered correctly. He had a headband on and a cigarette in his mouth. Black hair and a beard with black eyes. He was smoking a cigarette. I scrunched p my nose as did Kiyo.

The other was also a Jonin. He had two scars on the right side of his face, dark hair tied up into a spiky ponytails and dark eyes along with a goatee. His ears were pierced and he wore a meshed shirt under his green flak jacket, a deer skin coat over that and hand guards. His eyes were the most striking thing, I felt as if they were calculating her every move. I looked down.

"Ah Calista! Finally here! Meet the two men the Hokage has chosen to train you." He smiled, turning to the two men.

I nodded my head politely. Jiraiya walked up and patted my head. I took the cue and pulled down my hood. The two Jonin were obviously trained to hide their reactions but the one smoking widened his eyes while the one with the spiky hair raised an eyebrow.

"Calista this is Asuma Sarutobi" He pointed to the one with the cigarette. "And this is Shikaku Nara" He motioned to the one with calculating eyes and spiky hair.

I wasn't going to lie, they were intimidating. They held an aura of power over them. I bowed slightly in greeting again.

The one named Asuma grinned. "Hello there. Asuma Sarutobi, Jonin." He waved.

The one named Shikaku also lifted his hand in a greeting. "Shikaku Nara, Jonin commander."

Jiraiya grinned. "Well! Now that we have the greeting taken care of, I will leave it to you. However…" He looked to the two men. "If you want to use Jutsu take her outside the town. I gave you the list of jutsu written down. I want you to see what else she knows. Teach her anything she needs to know. She is going to go in for an inspection soon, so don't worry about having to trust her. Also… remember that she has no formal training. Be careful."

He patted my head. "Later Calista. Behave for these two, They're good men."

I nodded my head and he disappeared. Sighing I grabbed my pad. I wrote quickly.

_Hello_

"So what they informed us is true, you lost your voice." Asuma said sadly. I nodded my head, shy. I was mad that Jiraiya had left. I didn't know these ninja, and I was still weary of them.

"Let's get down to business." Shikaku said. "We are going to be your teacher, me more than Asuma probably. He has three others under his command. I am a Jonin commander so I also have some great responsibilities. That is why you have two teachers, to share the work and teach you different things. Asuma is good at melee, while my specialty is midrange and tactics. We need to know a little about you."

I nodded my head, getting my pad ready. The two men sat down on the grass, motioning for me to join. I did. I took out my pad in preparation to write. Kiyo looked at the two of them and then jumped off my lap.

"What's your friend's name?" Asuma asked as Kiyo jumped up into his arms, liking his face. I silently giggled.

_Kiyo_

They nodded their heads. "How did you lose your voice?" Shikaku asked.

_Damage to my frontal... l... some weird word that starts with an L. I think…_

Asuma looked at me with a gentle expression while Shikaku just nodded.

Shikaku spoke again. "What element are you?"

_Water and wind_

"Two?" I nodded

"Ok, now tell me, why are you here?"

I hesitated. _Because Jiraiya found me and brought me here._

Shikaku shook his head. "Calista, do you want to be a ninja?"

I hesitated. I wasn't sure to be honest. I looked down at my feet. If I was a ninja, would I become evil like Gaara said ninja were? Would I even be able to become a ninja? I picked up my pen. _I cant_

"why not?_"_

_I am not strong enough._

They looked at each other, and then back at me. I raised an eyebrow.

"Calista, some of the ninjutsu you know goes beyond what we are even aloud to teach our students here, some of it I have never even heard of. You may not have gone through formal teaching, but you do have enough skill to become a ninja if you have training. Tell me, who was your former trainer?"

I grinned at the question. _Gaara! _I wrote it in big letters, proud of it.

They widened their eyes. I looked between them with curiosity. Asuma looked at Shikaku. "That's the kid from the sand? Who made it through the exams without a scratch right?"

I tilted my head to the side.

"Tell me Calista, does this boy have red hair, green eyes and carry around a gourd?" Shikaku asked. I nodded my head.

"He's here right now... Did you know that?"

_I thought he might be… _I suppressed a sniffle. I knew that he wouldn't want to see me. Asuma opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off by pressing a finger to his mouth and writing.

_Shouldn't you guys test me now?_

They nodded and stood up, sighing. I felt like I had done something wrong.

"Ok Calista, Asuma is going to test you in hand-to-hand ok? Do you have any Shuriken or Kunai?"

I shook my head no. Shikaku took off a pouch around his leg and handed it to me. I gingerly took it and strapped it to my arm. I picked up Kiyo and put him on my shoulder.

We took our stances three meters apart. He pulled out a weird jagged weapon and held it in one hand. Instantly It lit up with chakra, forming a larger blade. I pulled out and held the Kunai in my hand, nervous. I wasn't very good at Melee fighting or close range. I was also pretty frail.

I charged at him with the Kunai raised, I knew that there were holes in my offence. I tried to swipe at him but he caught my wrist effortlessly. I widened my eyes and then tried to bring my foot up to meet his head. He met that with another arm, blocking the foot. In a last effort I brought up my other arm and aimed it towards his gut. It hit but then he disappeared. I widened my eyes and moved to turn around, before I could though, a blade was at my neck. I tensed. Why hadn't I thought of using a shadow clone? I was so stupid.

I frowned and then Asuma relaxed and came off of me. "You need work. Your attacks were good, but full of holes. They were Genin level." He said.

I looked down in shame, but he spoke up. "But don't worry. At your age they are pretty close to where they should be. A little catching up and you should be fine." He grinned. I nodded slowly. He was .

"I want to see some more of this long range Jutsu" Shikaku said. I turned to look at him. "We are going to go outside of the village like Jiraiya suggested."

Asuma nodded and together we moved.

We went to the same spot as before. I realized that this was a designated training ground. Asuma looked at the destruction caused by me earlier that week and whistles. I looked down.

"What happened there? It's like a tidal wave came out and whipped everything away." He said. He looked to me and I shrugged as if I didn't know. They raised their eyebrows but said nothing more.

"Ok, the Hokage requested you show us more of what you can do. We looked it up and we are curious about this Twin Dragon Blizzard."

I grabbed my pad to protest but Shikaku's hand stopped me. "Jiraiya said you would refuse and the Hokage needs us to check this out. This is part of the reason why I am here. Trust us that if this gets out of control, we can stop it by stopping you. "

I wasn't sure. This Jutsu was still underdeveloped, I didn't know…

"Everything will be alright, don't worry about it Calista." Asuma reassured.

I reluctantly nodded my head and looked at the lake. I reached out and grabbed Asuma and Shikaku. I pulled them close to me so that they were practically touching me. I handed my pad to Shikaku and Kiyo to Asuma.

I made the sign for the snake, rat, dragon, monkey, tiger and then dog. _Ice Release: Twin Dragon Blizzard! _I mentally shouted.

I thrust my arms out to either side as I shouted to the heavens a mute cry. From both my arms erupted black dragons just like the one I had created earlier. Red eyes and red mouths. They show into the air and around the lake with speed rivaling most. They reeked destruction on the forest as they twisted and turned before shooting up into the sky and joining together to form a black tornado. My hair whipped around me from the blast and the tornado spun like crazy through the forest.

I gasped, it was draining my Chakra. This jutsu was too powerful for me and I had not fully mastered it. I usually only used this jutsu with gaara, his sand could detain it. And then, with a grunt of effort I cut off the jutsu. Breathing heavily I fell to my knees, panting. Shikaku knelt beside me while Asuma stayed standing. Kiyo licked my face.

My vision was fogging up. I started to swagger, my legs feeling so tired, my arms as well. I fell to the ground with a grunt. Strong and muscular arms reached out and caught me. I fell unconscious looking into the eyes of Asuma, a gentle grin plastered on his face; a caring look in his eyes.


	7. Single Rose

I woke up in my room, Naruto's face inches from mine, staring at me intently.

I blinked several times and his intense staring face turned into a big smile. "Calista! Thank goodness I thought you would die!" He yelled, wrapping his arms around me in a hug, flattening me to the bed. I widened my eyes, still not used to so much physical contact. I timidly put an arm on his back.

That was when Jiraiya walked in.

"Oi Naruto! You guys are too young for that kind of thing! What have I been teaching you?" Jiraiya exclaimed with tears in his eyes. I promptly blushed and pushed Naruto away. Naruto chuckled nervously and I crawled out of the bed. I had been changed into some casual clothes: A white vest with black trim and some kaki black pants. "I am glad you are awake though. You gave us all a scare when you used up all of your chakra on that jutsu. You have been out since yesterday noon."

I grabbed a clip next to the bed and roughly bunched up my hair behind my head in a messy bun. It was to keep the hair out of my eyes. I grabbed the pad next to my bed and looked around for Kiyo. I didn't see him so I went to whistle. A whistle came out. I froze, Naruto and Jiraiya looked at me while Kiyo came running. I whistled again, a large grin came out on my face. I wondered if this meant I was going to get my voice back. Hope lit up on my face but Jiraiya looked sad.

"Calista… Whistling is nothing more than blowing air out your mouth while holding your tongue in a certain position. I don't want you to get your hopes up… I'm sorry Calista." He spoke softly. I realize he was right and smiled up at him. He was right and getting my hopes up would only hurt me.

My voice wasn't coming back. It was frustrating; it felt like I had lost a limb. I felt stunted, stupid, and challenged. I couldn't even communicate right. I felt tears threaten to flood up. I was such a baby, I was always crying. I would always cry in front of Gaara for the littlest thing. Here I was, crying again.

"Calista?" Naruto asked, trying to walk up to me. Jiraiya put a hand out to stop him. I stood up and heard him say before I walked out onto the patio, "It's finally sinking in. Give her some time alone."

It was sinking in. It was dark out, night time. I was so weak, pathetic, and annoying as it was. Well, at least now I couldn't be annoying. I knew it was pathetic to wallow in self pity like this. I sunk down and leaned against the door, looking out at the moon.

I opened my mouth to make noise. None came out and it felt so frustrating, the feeling didn't have any words to go with it. It was as if my stomach was trying to stretch apart, as if it would erupt from the helplessness of it.

Kiyo jumped up and started to lick away my tears gently. I let him with a sigh.

_This is our new life isn't it Kiyo?_ I mouthed. The wolf cub tilted his head to the side and just licked my cheek again.

I let my eyes close, tears still falling as I fell asleep.

It was morning when I woke up next; I was in my bed again. Someone had picked me up. I mutely yawned and stretched. I was alone in the apartment. Or so I thought.

"Morning sleepyhead." I looked over and saw Asuma and Shikaku. I wondered if my apartment was public property the way everyone just walked in.

"Were here to take you to the Hokage." Asuma said. He reached for a cigarette but I jumped up. I grabbed it with a frown before he could light it up. Holding it in my own hand I ran to the bathroom and flushed the toilet.

Shikaku laughed. "She got you there."

"Wah! That was my last one!"

"Then you shouldn't have tried to light it up in her room. Honestly."

"So mean Shikaku!"

I just laughed and took the time to brush my hair and pull it back up. I brushed my teeth and stepped out, feeling refreshed. I grabbed an apple, a piece of jerky for Kiyo and myself and then my pad and pen.

"You ready?" They asked.

I put on a large straw hat that had a white fabric hanging off all sides, a little part in the center. It made me think of the Hokage's hat. I smiled at that. It hid my face and my hair was pulled up.

We walked swiftly through the streets and I looked at everything around me with wide eyes. I hadn't been to this part of town, and I noticed the large building that was seen from everywhere. I fondly stared at everything from the large heads of the Hokage's carved into the wall, to the little ramen shops that Naruto had taken me once before.

We entered the Hokage's office too soon for my liking, as I had not received a chance to look around well enough. I sighed. We walked into a room with a large wooden desk and a maroon rug underneath it. It had large windows overlooking the town.

We walked up to the desk, where The Hokage sat. Asuma and Shikaku bowed, I followed suit.

"Rise," The Hokage said and we did so. He looked at me and nervously I took off the hat, not wanting to seem rude. He looked at me for a long minute before smiling.

"Calista, tell me, what would you like to do in regards to this village? Do you wish to stay?"

I thought it over, my heart pounding. To stay in this village? I didn't know. I wasn't sure what I could bring the village, what they could benefit. I wasn't sure if I even belonged around people. I thought it over in my head for a long minute before nodding my head slightly.

The Hokage smiled. "I am glad. But in order to stay here we are going to have to search your mind, do you understand?"

I tilted my head to the side. The Hokage elaborated. "I will have to have one of my men, Ibiki Morino and Inoichi Yamanaka, search your mind. It will be a thorough search; he will be digging into all you memories. It will be invasive, and once he is done there will not be anything those two will not know. He will give me a full report of it in a file and then I will know. Also, I think that it is only right that I tell Jiraiya as he will be taking care of you, and if you have a permanent teacher, I will give them a file as well. Do you understand what this means?"

He spoke bluntly, truthfully. I hesitated. I had nothing to hide, so I didn't really see the problem. I nodded my head yes.

The Hokage smiled. "Now one last thing. Do you wish to be a ninja of the leaf village? If so we could train you, make you stronger. If you clear the mind searching test and prove to be no threat, you could become a ninja for us. Would you like that?"

I widened my eyes. I wasn't sure if I would be strong enough. I was afraid of failing and being disappointed but… I knew that if I said no I would regret it. I nodded my head again.

The Hokage smiled. "Good. When you pass this test, which I have faith you will, I will assign Asuma Sarutobi and Shikaku Nara to be your teachers on alternating days."

They both nodded their heads. I looked at them, wondering if they were glad or mad or upset that they had to take me on as a student. Shikaku didn't seem very upset and Asuma was grinning as usual. I turned back to the Hokage and nodded my head as well.

"One more thing Calista before I have them escort you to the intelligence and Interrogation Division."

I tilted my head alongside Kiyo.

"I don't want you walking about unescorted. Trust Kakashi, Asuma, Shikaku, Jiraiya and anyone they assign to escort you. Nobody else though." He said sternly. "Until these exams are over I want to keep you a secret. You will be training every day with Asuma or Shikaku, it will be rigorous, but it will bring you up to speed with the rest of the ninja here."

I had reached for my pad while he was talking. _NARUTO?_

He smiled as he read it. "Yes, you can trust that troublemaker as well."He laughed as I grinned. He just shook his head. "Now go, they are waiting for you Calista."

I put my hat back on and we left.

Asuma and Shikaku led me to a stone building; inside the building was a stone room that we went into. A single stone chair sat in the middle of the room. There were two men dressed entirely in black.

"You must be Calista. I am Inoichi Yamanaka." A man with blonde hair that was spiky and hung in a high ponytail, going down to his waist. I inclined my head politely.

"She doesn't speak." Shikaku said when he opened his mouth with a questioning glance. He shut I and grunted in understanding.

"I am Ibiki Morino" Another one said. He had two long scars on his face with a headband that covered his head. His face was hard and I found him highly intimidating. I looked down and resisted the urge to take a step back.

"Don't be afraid, they just look intimidating, it's their job." Shikaku said with a grin, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I nodded my head. "Here, take off that hat and do what they tell you to. They will walk you home when it's all done ok?"

I nodded and removed the hat. The two interrogators made no visible changes in their stances or actions, but I felt them tense. Shikaku and Asuma left with one last reassuring smile my way.

"Why don't you have a seat? This will take quite a while so just relax and soon it will all be over. Ibiki will be writing down the results that I gather as we go along. Do you understand? "'

I nodded and took a seat. Inoichi put a hand on the top of my head and closed his eyes. Everything went black after that.

When I came too, it was late in the day. It was the same day, I was sure. I didn't feel anything as I came too, more like I had just woken up. Kiyo was curled up in my lap, he also stretched and yawned. I looked into the eyes of Ibiki and then Inoichi hopefully, wondering if I had passed. Inoichi looked to Ibiki. They were talking.

"Gaara was that kid from the Chunnin exams, who passed without a single scratch…" He whispered so low my ears barely picked up on it.

I reached for my pad to ask them what they meant but they interrupted me before. Ibiki turned on me, his face close to mine. I would have fallen backwards if the chair hadn't been supporting me. He smiled slightly. "You pass." It wasn't like I thought I would fail, but I was still nervous. Inoichi sighed and offered out his hand. I took it to stand up.

"Here, I will walk you back home. It's late so we shouldn't see anyone but just in case…" He handed me my hat I took it and slipped it on. I waved goodbye to the other scarier man and then grabbed Inoichi's sleeve as we walked outside together. The crisp night air greeted us but I was fine with that. I like the cold. I picked up Kiyo who curled up on my shoulder against my neck.

He looked over to me. "Ibiki will finish writing the report and give it to the Hokage." He said. I nodded my head. We walked in silence for a minute or two before Inoichi spoke up again.

"Your throat. He did that and yet I sensed no hostility to him from you. Why is it you forgive him so easily?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I looked down and smiled, picking up my pad. _He didn't mean too. It was an accident. Even if it wasn't, he has given me too much. I'd be dead if it wasn't for him. He gave me Kiyo too… I owe him my life so if he wants to take it, then it is his choice._

Ibiki looked at me as if I was crazy when I held up the pad. He then smiled softly. "You are a good kid Calista, you know that?"

I blushed and looked down. We walked for a few more seconds in silence before his hand came out in front of me, preventing me from walking. I looked up at him curiously and he looked ahead.

I looked over to see what he was looking at and froze. My eyes widened and I lifted up my head so fast that my hat fell off, revealing my face.

_Gaara… _I whispered silently. Inoichi tensed up and placed a hand on my shoulder. Gaara was standing right there in front of me with two others. A blond girl with ponytails and a man dressed in black with purple face markings. It was dark out so I could barely make them out. But I saw him.

Gaara had his arms crossed, he also held that look in his eyes, the same look he held the day that I lost my voice. I reached out with my hand, my eyes wide as if I could touch them. I opened my mouth, trying to shout. I couldn't.

I looked at Inoichi and without any warning ducked under his hand and ran forward. The three sand ninja tuned my way, the blonde and markings one widening their eyes. Gaara stared at me, his expression unchanging as I ran towards them.

"Who is she?" The blonde shouted, sounding shocked. She looked to Gaara and almost looked afraid. I ignored it and opened my mouth again. _GAARA!_

I had almost reached him when I felt a hand reach out and grab me by the back of my cloak when I was about two meters from them. I looked up to the face of Inoichi. He looked down at me as if disappointed. I heard Kiyo yapping after me, as he had fallen out as I ran. He had the writing pab and pen in his mouth as he tried not to trip over it.

_Why? _I mouthed. He seemed to understand that. Then again he was a mind reader so he probably had a lot of experience understanding body language and such.

"My job is to protect you Calista. If I let you charge at these three I will have failed my mission." He said with a serious tone. I reached for my pad.

_Just let me say hi! Please Inoichi sama! _I hastily wrote it down, hoping that he would let me. He read it and shook his head. The three sand ninja's eyes were on me. I was shrouded in darkness, but I was sure that Gaara recognized me.

Inoichi took the pad from me and held onto it tight, not about to let me protest any more.

"Who the hell are you two?" The man with purple markings yelled. I looked over at him, but my eyes trailed to Gaara didn't answer.

"She is a ninja of the leaf. A genin." Inoichi spoke up.

"Yeah, well what does she want with us?" The blonde one growled.

I couldn't move my eyes from Gaara. He was looking at me, but it was as if he didn't even recognize me.

"That is her business." Inoichi said.

They both glared at him. The blonde finally speaking. "Can't she talk for herself? Or does she need a guard to do that to?"

I tensed up and looked down, biting my lip.

"She can't talk. She lost her voice." Inoichi said. I looked up at him and he was looking at Gaara.

I looked at him as well. His eyes narrowed slightly but other than that he made no move. I realized I felt tears threaten in my eyes.

The two sand ninja looked at each other and were about to talk when Gaara spoke. His voice was like a breath of fresh air and shockingly cold at the same time.

"Let's go." He said. I felt my heart break all over again. I moved to take a step forward but Inoichi stopped me with a stern look.

_Gaara… _I shouted. _GAARA! _He walked away. I felt the tears slip over. _Gaara! Please... Gaara! Please…_

Gaara looked back once and then in a swirl of sand, he disappeared. I gasped, falling to my knees. I buried my head in my hands. _Gaara… I'm sorry… Gaara…_

And that was when I broke down. Really broke down. My heart was broken, I didn't know why. He looked at me like I was nothing, like I was a thing. Even before when he looked at me with hate, there was always softness in his eyes. Not this time. This time he had changed.

I felt a hand rub my back, and didn't even bother looking up when I felt another join it. I could feel the chakra signature and smell him too well. The Hokage.

"I thought I would check on your progress." He said gently.

"Lord Hokage. She passed; Ibiki is finishing up the report for you. I think you will understand more when you read it."

I blocked out the rest of the conversation and just wrapped my arms around myself and let it all out.


	8. Sweetpea

The next day flew back fast, and the days turned into weeks which turned into two months. It was becoming rather repetitive. I would wake up and get ready right when the sun rose. I eat breakfast and then would go and train with Asuma, Shikaku or Jiraiya. Sometimes Naruto would join for his raining, though after a while he said his important test was coming up so he had to get ready for it and couldn't train. So after that it was just me and Asuma or Shikaku. The Hokage would come and watch, taking my out for lunch or dinner when we were done. He would do that at least once a week.

And then after the training I would go home and be confined to my apartment. I would bathe every night out on the balcony. I hadn't gotten any more interesting visits. In fact it was boring. I had long ago finished all the books on the history of the village, as well as some history on other villages. Apparently the large Chunnin exams were going to come up. A battle in front of everyone. That was two weeks from today. I was invited to watch so long as I hid my face.

So right now, I was in the bath again, soaking my body. I was aching all over from the rigorous training. Cuts littered my once flawless skin. I smiled though; it felt good to have my mind taken off of things. Really good.

I closed my eyes and sunk deeper and deeper into the water until my face was covered up to my nose. I silently blew bubbles, laughing at the ridiculousness of it. One more week…

In one week Gaara would be gone. I had heard the rumors about him. They said he had killed three shinobi during one test and a few others during other times. In cold blood. I wanted to deny these rumors. But I couldn't.

I ran my pale hands through my white hair with a sigh. This shinobi life was so boring right now. Naruto assured me it would get more interesting as time went by. He said that missions were really fun. Right now I wasn't allowed to do any by myself, and I couldn't have a team either because there were all even teams. It was a little lonely. Naruto and Asuma always talk about the bonds of a team, and Shikaku is still close to his old teammates. It made me slightly jealous, made me yearn for a connection like that. I had one with Gaara... but that was before he changed.

I sighed again, loudly. I began to whistle a soft tune. I had found out after not so long that I could whistle quite easily. It was the only thing I could do to make noise, so obviously I made a lot of it. I think I was getting quite good; I was able to hum basic songs but nothing more.

Kiyo splashed me, knocking my out of my concentration. He had grown a few inches in the past month. I thought he was looking good. His fur was still as soft and silly as ever, though that may be from bathing with me every night. He loved to swim around in the water and I had even built a little ramp for him to get in and out of the tub. He swam around in circles before finally getting tired and jumping out. He climbed down the later, shook off, and then walked inside through a dog door I had built. I sighed and was about to go back to my musings when I heard something.

I tensed up, some water immediately forming to my body in a clear and invisibly thin armor. I reached over as if I was going to get out. Grabbing my pen and pad. I wrapped a towel around me. And stepped out. I scribbled something on the pad and turned it to face the direction of the invader.

_Making a habit of peeking Sasuke?_

I smirked as he walked out from the shadows. "You saw me. Impressive." He muttered, looked at my face and luckily having enough respect to avoid my body. For the most part.

I nodded my head and wrote some more. _Why are you here? Haven't I proven that I am not a threat to you? I had my mind thoroughly searched. _

He just stood there, hands in pockets and shoulders slumped. I had seen him walking along the streets, a large fan base always around him. Girls seemed willing to kill for him. I found it kind of funny to watch though I felt bad when I would be laughing, he would be hiding and I swear he would see me and glare. He deserved it though, for peeking at me. Twice.

_Are you just here to peep at me or do you have a purpose?_

He smirked. "I actually came to talk to you. But I will wait until you put some clothes on and invite me in."

I hesitated. The Hokage told me not to be escorted by anyone other than Naruto or those who he or Jiraiya or Kakashi or Asuma or Shikaku assigned. I thought about it for a minute. Sasuke wasn't escorting me though, he was just hanging out. I didn't see the harm in it.

I sighed and motioned for him to follow me as I walked inside. We went through the bathroom and then into the living room. He opened his mouth but I put a finger to his lips before he could talk. He widened his eyes and I pointed at the sleeping form of Kiyo on the couch.

He raised an eyebrow but complied nonetheless. I pointed to my bedroom and he nodded his head, getting the clue.

I went to the bathroom and changed into some white shorts and black tank top. It was extremely soft cotton material and made me feel warm and comfortable. I slipped a robe on over it all and ran a hand through my hair, ringing out some of the water and brushing it so it wouldn't be impossible to brush it the next day.

I walked into the bedroom and shut the door behind me, the pad and pen in my hand. Sasuke was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. I moved and sat myself in the bed, cross-legged and leaning against the wall. I patted the spot next to me and he hesitantly came to join me. His whole body was tense though. It wasn't my problem.

_So what did you want to talk about? I'm dressed now. _I wrote, he watched as I wrote it.

"Hardly..." He muttered under his breath. I heard and resisted the urge to knock him upside the head. "There are a few things I wanted to talk to you about. The first is your power."

I raised an eyebrow but said nothing, waiting patiently for him to continue.

"That black dragon I saw in the sky. That I keep seeing. It is you isn't it?"

Now, if I lied, I would be a liar. If I told him yes, I could be called a liar. I sighed and nodded my head.

"How? How did you learn jutsu like that?" He asked, startling me by putting his hands in my shoulders and looking intensely at me. I gasped and widened my eyes.

He let go of me, looking slightly ashamed at his impulse. I didn't trust this man, so I didn't want him near me, not so close. Sure, he couldn't hurt me with my armor, but if enough force was applied, even the water would ripple and break.

"Sorry" he mumbled.

I shrugged and began writing again. _I discovered it with the help of a friend._

"Who?" He asked.

I was going to answer, but decided against it. Gaara was going to participate in the exams and if I told Sasuke he might want me to reveal weakness's Gaara had. I could never do that. So instead I shook my head no.

Sasuke sighed but seemed to understand. "Your elements are water and wind right?"

I nodded.

"I have fire and lightning. So my fire could melt any ice techniques... but you could put out any fire I have with your water and your wind could beat my lightning." He spoke calmly, smoothly, but there was something under it all.

I nodded my head again.

"Train with me!" He spun around on me again. He put his face close to mine.

_Why? _I wrote, nervous with him so close.

"Because your strong, challenging and-" He moved his face close to mine. I figured out easily what he was trying to do and with a yelp moved my head back. He kept coming, his eyes closed.

I gasped and grabbed my pad, holding it over my face and preventing him from making contact. I closed my eyes, hoping it had done a good job. I felt him back away and timidly looked over the top of the pad.

He was smirking. I raised an eyebrow, but still didn't move the pad. He let out a laugh. I was now extremely confused. He had just tried to kiss me, I rejected him, and now he was laughing?

"That's another reason I want to train with you. You don't look at me like as man."

I tilted my head to the side before setting down my pad so I could write again. _Cause you're a boy. _I smiled. Sasuke didn't seem to find that so funny.

"What I mean is, any other girl in Konoha would be fainting with pleasure right now to just have me in their room. You are unaffected. Why is that?"

I gave him a 'are you stupid' look. _What's so great about you? _I thought for a minute, looking at him and then continued writing. _You are good looking. You're strong from what I hear, and… _I looked up, trying to think of anything else. _Well that is just about it. _

He frowned. "Aren't those things enough?"

I shook my head. _I don't even know you._

"Tch whatever, will you spar with me one of these days?"

_If you get Kakashi's permission. Then after the Chunnin exams._

He frowned but nodded anyways. "Why don't they want you to be seen until after the exams?"

I shrugged. Sasuke just sighed and turned around. "Fine. I will see you then."

I looked at the clock, it was nearly midnight. I moved and lay down completely on my bed. I hardly ever slept with covers, as they were to warm. I didn't bother watching as Sasuke left, instead choosing to turn off the lamp and close my eye, trying to get some sleep.

"It isn't smart to be inviting people in at night." A voice came from my window seconds after Sasuke left, the window I always left open for the fresh breeze.

I bolted upright. I had another visitor but it took me a moment to remember who this one was. The man with the purple markings I had seen besides Gaara. I narrowed my eyes, but made no effort to move. He invited himself in, landing on the floor and besides my bed.

I grabbed my pad. _Who are you?_

He smirked. "Kankuro. And you are Calista right?"

I didn't know if I should answer. I pointed to the window, motioning for him to leave.

"I'm not leaving until we talk." He smirked again. I glared.

_I've had enough talking for the night. _

He read it and laughed. He walked over to my bed, helping himself to a seat. I scooted away. Who did this man think he was! I don't even know him and he appears in my window asking to talk! He could want to kill me for all I know.

"Who are you?" He asked.

I frowned, didn't he know my name? He had said it himself.

I started to write Calista but he stopped me, his hand on mine. I glared. I stood up and off of the bed, walking over to stand against the wall and away from him.

He just grinned. "So, who are you? How did you know Gaara." He asked. I tensed at his name, my face softening.

_Tell me how you know him first. _

He walked over to me, read it, and then looked into my face. "I asked first. Wouldn't that mean it's the polite thing to do to tell me first?"

I glared but he did have a point. _I know him from when I was younger_

Kankuro widened his eyes at this. "You lie. I would have seen you if you hung out with my brother. I would have known."

I widened my eyes. Brother? This man was Gaara's brother… Which meant that he would be like Gaara right? They had the same blood. Perhaps this man would know why Gaara had been acting so weird. I didn't notice I had dropped the pad. I reached out with my right hand towards Kankuro. I held onto his shirt front. He didn't look like Gaara but his eyes… His eyes were so much like his.

I felt my eyes water and Kankuro widened his eyes, looking at me with an odd expression. "Whoa! What's wrong with you? Did I say something or-" I cut him off by letting go of his shirt and putting a finger to his mouth. I reached down and picked up the pad.

_You are really his brother?_

He looked at me like I was stupid. "Yeah, What of it?"

I put a hand on my mouth to hide a gasp.

"What's wrong with you?"

I began to write as quickly as I could. _You know Gaara well right as a brother? So then you can tell me. What happened to him?_

He looked at me in the eye. "Gaara's business is none of yours. You would do best to stay away from him before he kills you."

I furrowed my eyebrows. Gaara wouldn't… Or would he? Did I really know? I looked down.

Kankuro reached over and lifted my chin up, forcing me to look at him. I did,

"Stay away from Gaara. It would be a pity to crush someone as hot as you."

I narrowed my eyes and raised my hand to make a jutsu, planning to use wind for this guy. I was stopped though by another late night visitor.

"Let go of her Kankuro" The deep, husky voice of Gaara called out. We looked over and he was sitting on the windowsill. His red hair blowing in the wind. To my surprise, Kankuro let go of me and backed away instantly.

"G-Gaara I-"

"Shutup"

He did so and I was shocked. I knew that Gaara was strong, invincible but… This was pure fear in Kankuro's eyes. It scared me a little to see it there.

Bit more than scared, I was happy. I was happy to see Gaara. My face lit up in a smile and I ran towards him. But then… when he turned and his eyes locked onto mine… It was as if he was warning me not to come closer. I took a few more steps and reached out, but his sand came up and blocked me. I gasped.

He blocked me… Never before had he done that. I looked at my hand and then back up at Gaara. "Let's go Kankuro."

"Y-yes…"

I shook my head and tried to reach out again. The sand stopped me. Kankuro walked past Gaara and out the window.

Then it was just me and Gaara. We stared at each other for a long minute before Gaara finally spoke.

"How did you lose your voice?"

I tensed at the question. Of all the questions he could have asked, he asked the one I was the least willing to answer. I hesitantly walked back over to my pad, picking it up.

_I- _I hesitated. I couldn't tell him the truth. He would blame himself maybe. I didn't know but I couldn't tell him the truth. I thought up a feeble lie. _I was attacked by bandits. Trauma to the throat…_

He read it and said nothing. He believed me, I could tell. He stood up and walked over to me. He stood a few inches from me. I resisted the urge to reach out and touch him.

His sand reached out, touching my throat, caressing it almost gently. My breath caught in my throat. I wasn't afraid though. It was a gentle touch, a comforting one almost. I felt a tear drop down and mingle in with his sand.

"Why are you here Calista?"

I closed my eyes as his sand caressed my cheek, tracing along my lips. It was almost like old times. As if the time we shared two months ago… that time had never disappeared. I could almost imagine the two of us as we lie at the oasis with each other, the sand comforting both of us as I chatted to Gaara about some nonsense.

Then I opened m eyes… and it was no more. I looked sadly into the eyes of Gaara. I brought my hand up to touch the sand that was caressing my cheek as if touching Gaara.

_Gaara… _I mouthed. He understood. I smiled at him. His sand traced along my lip, just as his hand might caress my face in an almost loving manor. For what seemed too soon and yet like forever, we stayed like that.

But then he brought his sand back to his Gourd and the touch was no more.

"Stay away from me Calista."

I opened my mouth to argue but he shook his head.

"Obey me this once. Stay away from me. If you don't, I will never forgive you. I will kill you." His eyes show that he was every bit serious. I swallowed hard, a feeling of dread in my gut. He closed his eyes and disappeared, drifting like sand in the wind.

I regained myself and reached out, catching a few grains of sand. All that was left of him to me. I held my palm out with a small amount of sand resting in it. The wind picked up again and the sand blew out of my palm, flowing into the wind.

And just like that… It was over.


	9. Heather

The final round of exams were held a week later. I was in the stands besides Shikamaru and Asuma. The battle was raging on below. Gaara VS Sasuke. I was watching with every ounce of my interest. And that was when it happened. It was too fast for me to react.

Everyone fell unconscious. Asuma who was next to me made a hand sign. I looked around with wide eyes and saw Kakashi and Gai along with that Sakura girl still conscious in the other section. Here there was Me, Shikaku and Asuma. A loud bang caught our attention.

The boom happened from the Kage's stand. We all turned our eyes towards it. I looked over To Kakashi who had gotten ready to move but had been stopped by a group of Anbu.

My eyes were wide; I didn't understand what was going on.

I gasped as the next time I looked over to Kakashi and Gai, they had five ninja in front of them. And were engaged in a battle. I was suddenly glad I had left Kiyo home.

I looked back down to Gaara and Sasuke. Kankuro and the blond were down there, along with their leader. They were trying to contain Gaara. I swallowed, trying to get what was happening. He was down on his knees, holding his head. I moved to go and get him, but couldn't because Shikaku had a grip on me.

"It can't be! The Kazekage had the Hokage!" Asuma exclaimed with a growl. "They used a barrier ninjutsu."

That brought my attention back to the Hokage. Worry creased my brow. And then, I looked down. Four ninja were also in front of us like what Kakashi was going through. Asuma and Shikaku tensed, taking a stance in front of me.

Asuma and Shikaku engaged in a fight with the four ninja. They were skilled and were putting up a fight. I didn't know what to do. Gaara and Sasuke took off. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to follow after them, but two others were already going. Naruto and Shikamaru and Sakura along with a little puppy. I wanted to help... but I could do nothing.

I looked towards the wall. There was smoke coming out. I looked at Shikaku and Asuma. They were distracted. I knew I was going against orders. I knew it was wrong, that I could get into trouble.

I couldn't do anything else though. I slowly backed up, slipping out the door and running down the stairs. I ran towards the smoke, through the streets.

I stopped when I got closer to the villages wall. I saw nine ninja on the wall and I gasped as they took off in the direction of Naruto and the others. I wouldn't let it happen. I took off in pursuit of them. They were fast.

They had a little speed on me, but it was enough for me to catch up. They had also stopped; it gave me enough time to get within range.

There were eight or nine… no nine. There speed, their level... they were Jonin level. I didn't know the exact of it, but it was safer to overestimate them than underestimate them.

I was catching up. They had stopped. I pushed ahead as fast as I could. I saw it. The ninja ahead. I concealed my prescience as best I could. This was a suicide mission I knew that... but I knew well enough that the village was in danger. If I could buy them just a little bit of time… perhaps I could do my part to save the village. Perhaps I could save Naruto and the others. I saw Shikamaru up ahead Shikaku's son.

I couldn't believe it. He had caught all of them in a shadow technique like his father used. Shikamaru had fought earlier. He must have been exhausted.

I then realized something but not before Shikamaru did. He threw the shuriken, drawing out the ninth ninja. This man was smart.

One thing though, his shadow wouldn't go that far. I took a stance, my cloak covering my face. His jutsu was out.

"Shikamaru!" I yelled soundlessly. Someone came down behind Shikamaru and I recognized who it was immediately. I ran forward.

_Beast wave violent wind palm!_ I mouthed. I thrust my hand forward and immediately a massive amount of wind combined itself to the end of my arm, making a clawed hand extend from my own. I thrust it towards the ninja, forcing them to move back with wide eyes. My cloak still covering me, they had no idea who I was.

"Well, I finally caught up with you guys." Asuma said, startling Shikamaru. I smiled lightly, my palm chasing the Ninja. They easily avoided it but it kept them busy for a minute.

"Asuma! How did you..?" Shikamaru exclaimed.

Asuma smiled and threw the ninja he was holding to the ground. "Luckily calista here decided to disobey me, leading me right here."

He moved forward and I jumped out of the way. This was just like one of our practice drills.

I went to the left; he went down the center, his chakra blade poised. He took out one of the ninja with one hit. I made the mistake of letting myself get distracted and was knocked to the side, cutting off my Jutsu.

Two Shuriken were headed for Asuma and I made the sign for Water Release: Water Wave Palm. I shot out my palm and water shot forth from them, knocking the shuriken off course and instead forcing them to flow with the current and straight into one of the other guys.

Asuma grinned at me and swiftly took out the one who had thrown them with ease. Two launched at him fro ahead. He did little and they too were unconscious.

I ran over to Shikamaru. He didn't know me, but I had seen him with his father. He was staring wide eyed, and I would have been too if I had not seen Asuma do this very thing a dozen times before.

All nine ninja were unconscious. I walked over and stood besides Shikamaru, when Asuma turned towards us I looked down and moved behind Shikamaru, using him as a shield.

Asuma sighed. "You did well Shikamaru. You too Calista despite the fact that you went against orders..."

"Tch, yeah but it was way too much work." He complained. He sat down, no longer useful as a shield from Asuma

I smiled slightly at this. Asuma walked up to me. "Calista, what were you thinking? You could have been seriously injured."

I looked down ashamed.

"Asuma, who is she? Is she from another village?"

Asuma sighed. "No Shikamaru. She is a ninja in this village. Just keeping to herself for a while. She can't talk."

"I see?"

"We can have plenty of time to explain later. Right now Calista, I want you to head on ahead. They might need you now that they don't have Shikamaru. He is still tired from the exams."

I nodded my head and without another word, I left.

I hadn't used up much chakra so I sped up as fast as I could. I was catching up to Naruto and them. I was taking a slightly different route but it all worked the same. The way I was heading, I was heading towards the blonde and Sasuke.

I heard it: A fire style jutsu.

I tried to yell to Sasuke but of course couldn't. I wouldn't reach them in time. I saw Tamari Flying back. Towards me. I didn't know what to do. I reacted without thinking when I saw her in trouble.

I summoned the beast wave violent wind palm and was able to cushion her fall. I saw Sasuke then head out. I cut off the jutsu once she was on the ground. I wanted to holler after Sasuke. Another disadvantage to not having a voice. I looked to the blonde, who was staring at me with wide eyes. I threw my hood off, no longer caring if anyone saw me.

Finally recovering after a while, she pushed me aside and ran after them. I ran as well. I saw Kankuro holding an unconscious Gaara. They exchanged, the blonde heading ahead with him.

He stopped to confront each other and I stepped into view before they could fight.

"Get outta here calista! I got this guy."

I jumped over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder and shaking my head. I pointed in the direction of the blonde and gaara. I would do what I could, and leave gaara up to Sasuke and the others. It broke my heart, knowing he could get hurt… But what more could I do. I would rather protect the village, even if it meant harming my best friend. The headband I wore around my arm was proof of that.

He looked at me in pity almost. I smiled and reached up; I kissed his cheek and then gave him a push. He nodded his head. "Be careful Calista…"

I nodded my head.

"Don't bother coming after me when your done. My work will be done by then."

He disappeared and I turned to Kankuro. "You fool. It's such a waste for a pretty thing like you to have to disappear like this. But your friend is up against something more monstrous than your worst nightmare. Only it's real. If you are ever unlucky enough to catch up with Gaara, that's when you'll see it. But first of course… you'll have to beat me."

I glared. I wanted to finish this fight fast, but I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to. I gasped as he unveiled his puppets. I had never gone against a puppet master.

"Bring it on." Kankuro said.

I was more than willing to. He used a puppet. I threw two kunai at it and then widened my eyes. A substitution jutsu.

The real one was to my left. Two kunai show out of it and straight towards me. It hit, but didn't pierce my skin.

"What the-"

They bounced off, my water armor.

"Armor… Just like Gaara's sand armor…" He growled. I nodded my head, impressed that he had figured it out. It was my turn to attack.

His strength was long range. I was also long range. This would come down to power.

The puppets arm opened up, and I wasn't about to let it shoot out at me.

I made the signs and then shot my fist out. Black dragon Blizzard.

The dragon raged forward, charging straight toward Kankuro, who narrowed his eyes and put his puppets ahead of himself. The blizzard crashed into the one in the front, shredding it apart completely. The second puppet succumbed to the same fate, but it had slowed down the dragon enough to let him dodge. He was without his puppets though; it would be easy to trap him now.

I shot out another hand, and another dragon. This one shot out behind Kankuro and hit him from behind, crashing him into the ground. I cut off the jutsu before the dragons could join together and wreak havoc like they had before. Already the terrain was nearly destroyed, the ground frozen.

I jumped down. Kankuro was unconscious on the ground. I couldn't just leave him like that. He was Gaara's brother after all. Gaara: who was fighting Sasuke. I wanted to offer backup but I knew that if I got there I just might offer backup to the wrong person.

I knelt down and gently picked Kankuro up. His hood fell off. _Sorry… _I mouthed. I reached out and gently stroked his hair brown hair.

I took off my vest and then I picked him up and wrapped my body around his nearly frozen form. I held onto him tightly, rubbing his back and trying to heat him back up.

He stirred slightly and I pulled away so he could see me. "What the hell are you doing?"

I rubbed my hands on his shoulder again. He gave me a weird look. I pointed to the frost all around us.

"You were trying to warm me up? What the hell! I'm your enemy!" He exclaimed, trying to stand up. He fell over but I moved and supported him. He glared at me. I just smiled back

"Why are you helping me?"

_Gaara. _He seemed to understand my mouthing. I pointed to the direction of Gaara.

"You really do care about him huh?" He cocked an eyebrow. I nodded sadly and hugged him again, trying my best to warm him up and defrost his body. It seemed to be working. A few minutes later I saw the blond one fly through the trees.

"Kankuro!" She cried in distraught. I saw in her eyes how much she cared for Kankuro. It didn't seem romantic though, more like a love of a family.

"Get away from him!" She shouted, coming at us. Kankuro raised a hand.

"Don't Temari. She helped me... She defeated me but she helped me." He said with a raspy voice.

She looked at me and then back at him.

"Kankuro?"

"Don't worry Temari... Let's go get Gaara…" He said. I transferred him over to Temari. She took him and nodded her head. They moved towards them and I went as well.

We arrived to find Sasuke standing besides Naruto who was on the ground, facing Gaara who was also lying on the ground. I watched from the trees as the two widened their eyes and jumped over to Gaara.

"That's enough." Gaara said. I recognized that. His voice… It was lighter. I could see his eyes from here. Something was different. "It's over."

"But Gaara…" Kankuro looked shocked. Sasuke widened his eyes as well, but then looked in my direction. I smiled softly at him. He looked away and back at Gaara.

"Alright gaara." Kankuro said, bending down and helping his brother up despite still being half frozen. Gaara looked towards Naruto and Sasuke, and then without anything further, they took off.

I sighed in relief and walked towards Naruto and Sasuke. I rested a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, trying my best to ignore the strange markings on his body.

Sasuke glared and standing up walked off on his own, something troubling him. I bent down and picked up Naruto.

A medical relief squad took care of Sakura and Sasuke.

I hurried back to the arena. I didn't stop until I saw a large group huddled on the roof of the stands. I walked towards them but Asuma reached out, stopping me.

"No Calista…" He said firmly. I widened my eyes, trying to get towards the group. He held onto me tighter.

"Please Calista…" He said again. I didn't see the Hokage. I could see they were huddled around someone. I didn't see either of the Hokage.

I felt tears rise to my eyes, realization coming to me. I tried to push through. Asuma had had enough. He bent down and wrapped his arms around me. "Please Calista. You don't need to see that."

His words made it all so real.

_H-Hokage… _I mouthed. _Hokage! HOKAGE NO! NO! NO! NO!_ I screamed over and over again without sound.

_NO! This- This isn't real... Hokage... please… no… Sarutobi! PLEASE! Please… please…_

"He's gone Calista… It's ok.. He's gone." Asuma reassured, wrapping his arms around me tighter. I could tell that he was trying to hold back tears as well. This was his father. I was being selfish, making it harder on him, but I didn't care right then.

I turned around, wrapping my arms around Asuma's neck and crying into them. He held onto me tight and I was sure that I felt something wet on my neck as he buried his face into me and fell to his knees.


	10. Spider Flower

The funeral was the hardest part. I didn't go. I sat in my apartment. Asuma tried to get me to go, so did Shikaku. I refused though and eventually they got the hint. I wore a plain black T-shirt and black shorts. Everyone was at the funeral, the whole town asides from the guards and those working were there. Every ninja and citizen.

The streets were empty. I walked though them with Kiyo. It was raining, soaking me thoroughly. I didn't mind and neither did Kiyo. He seemed to sense my pain.

I walked by the ramen shop. I remembered when the Hokage took me there after training. I walked past the furniture store. I remembered when he let me pick out new curtains and bought them for me. I walked by the clothing store, and remembered when he got me a new cloak as a gift at random. It was too much.

I fell to my knees, the water and mud coating my legs. I slammed my fist on the ground with tears in my eyes. I didn't understand. This man had given me my life. I understood that this was the way of the ninja. That they died every day. I understood that but couldn't accept it. I slammed my fist on the ground again and again. The mud splashed up and onto my face.

I fell down completely, not caring that the mud was coating my face. First I lost Gaara, and now the Hokage, the man who gave me a reason to live. I still had Naruto, Shikaku and Asuma at least. But it wasn't enough. I was too selfish for that.

Those three, they were all I had but they had people important to them. Shikaku had his job; he had his son and family that he loved. Asuma had his students; he loved each one of them dearly. He also had his girlfriend. Naruto… I liked him and I knew he liked me but he had Sakura and Sasuke and Iruka and Kakashi.

I was jealous. Such an ugly emotion but I was jealous that I didn't have someone like him. I felt a rough tongue lapping at my tears, wiping them away. I looked at Kiyo.

The rain stopped and the sun came out. I realized that I wasn't alone. I had Kiyo. I would never be alone. Not since the day that Gaara first brought her to me.

~flashback~

"_GAARA! You're here! I thought you weren't coming tonight!" I yelled, running from the little hut towards him as fast as I could manage. I was wearing one of his fishnet shirts over a chest wrap. I had a white sash covering me like a skirt. I was barefoot as usual. It was becoming lonely without Gaara around; he didn't visit every night like usual. I was getting worried about him. He held something white in his hands and I looked curiously at it. He walked up to me and held it out._

_I gasped. It was a little baby wolf. "Oh my Gaara! That is so cute! Where did you get-" I hesitated, not knowing if it was a boy or a girl._

"_Him. He was bred the other day. A wolf puppy. His mother died and so we have nobody to take care of him. I told them to give him to me." Something in his voice sounded almost troubled, as if the memory of asking bothered him. I shrugged it off._

"_He is so adorable! Can I hold him Gaara? Can I?" I begged, _

_He nodded his head and held him out to me. I took him gently in my arms._

"_He is yours." Gaara said. I raised an eyebrow." A few months from now, I will be traveling to attend the Chinin exams. I will be gone for a while. This is to keep you company. He just opened his eyes for the first time yesterday." _

_I was sad at the reminder of Gaara leaving, but ecstatic at having the wolf with me. "what is his name?"_

"_Kiyo."_

"_Kiyo…" I repeated, cooing at the little wolf. I walked inside the little cottage with Gaara, placing the wolf down on my bed. It whimpered and curled up into a ball._

_I turned around to gaara. "I love it gaara… Thank you so much!" I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck in thanks. He gently placed a hand on my back. Gaara was always awkward with physical touch, and I was always using way too much of it. In a way we balanced each other out. Touchy and not touchy; talkative and silent; dark and light. We were perfect. I never wanted it to end. _

_~end flashback ~_

I visibly winced. Civilization seemed to bring with it more pain than living in the woods did. I ran a hand through my hair and pushed myself up.

"C'mon Calista. You're filthy." Asuma said, gently helping me up. He had appeared out of nowhere. I smiled gently and nodded my head in agreement. I wiped my face off and then smiled. Asuma picked up Kiyo.

He held out his hand for me. I stared at it and in that moment, I felt something. I felt as if taking his hand would symbolize my new beginning. The end of the old life I held. He was offering me his comfort. I smiled gently and reached out, taking it.

I was introduced to the ninja of the leaf shortly after. They stared at the band on my arm, and half of the men had fallen in love with me, while the other half hated me. The girls mostly were jealous or didn't trust me. I found out soon that wearing my hood at all times was to my best advantage.

I had also been working on something like what Kakashi wore a mask to cover up my face. I was sitting in my room, three months after the Hokage's funeral. I was trying to design something unique, that would cover up my mouth and hide my looks. It wasn't like I needed that part of my face anymore anyways.

I crumpled up another design in frustration and threw it across the room. Kiyo chased after it. He was getting big, too big to crawl up on my shoulder and I had begun to save up my money to buy a larger bathtub because he was outgrowing that. He had been hanging around Akumaru lately, the two of them would play around and it made me laugh, seeing how He was quickly outgrowing the little dog.

I sighed and put my head in my hands.

"There you are." I recognized the cook voice of Sasuke Uchiha. He had been more and more strained lately; I had been worried about him. When he was not on missions he was sparring with me or Kakashi. Kakashi to learn more skills with lightning, and me to learn how to use his brain to defeat those whose elements had an advantage over yours.

I was training with Asuma and Shikaku more and more as well. Shikaku, being practically the highest ranking regular ninja and on the council, was busy often; Asuma was always out on missions or training his group. I would only get about two hours a day of practice, excluding Saturdays and when I was sent out on missions.

The new Hokage was nice and pretty. She was smart, and I liked her. She seemed to like me as well and she reminded me a lot of the third Hokage. They had the same eyes. Determined and yet kind. She sent me out on odd missions, some solo and some with a team. They were getting progressively larger, but were usually C rank. At least I was no longer stuck catching cats. I shivered at the memory.

"hello? Calista?" Sasuke shook me out of my musing my putting a hand in front of my face. I grinned with a blush. We had grown closer in the last few months, and I knew the way he fought like the back of my hand. Vice Versa. Kakashi had taught me a new Jutsu he had learned from one of the seven deadly swordsmen. It was called water dragon bullet Jutsu. It was a little too strong for me though. I could only use it where there was water. Kakashi had told me that I could use it without water nearby if I trained hard enough. I guess I hadn't. The hardest part was memorizing the hand seals. 44 of them. Asuma had told me that the second Hokage could use that jutsu with only one hand seal.

I grabbed my pad. _Sorry, I have been spacing out lately. _

He rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand. "C'mon, the Hokage has a mission for me and you later today. We can train until then." He said.

I raised an eyebrow, grabbing my pad and pulling out of his grasp.

_Can I get dressed first?_

He seemed to only then look at what I was wearing. It was nothing more than an oversized shirt. He blushed and looked away. "Tch... you shouldn't go around like that… It's dangerous for you…"

_You shouldn't walk into a girl's house. I could have been naked! _I wrote angrily.

He smirked. "Yeah, Too bad huh? We co-"

He didn't get to finish before a wad of paper with the words PERVERT written on them was thrown at him. I huffed and walked into the bathroom to change. I put on my chest binding, a fishnet halter top that went down to my butt; over it went a pair of baggy white shorts. The last touches were and an open front blue vest over the chest wrap and fishnet. My headband tied around my right arm like Shikamaru had, only on white fabric instead of blue. I was the only ninja in Konoha to have a white one.

Lastly was the most important item: the cover for my head. It was like the Hokage's hat, but the veil was a white and see through, much like a wedding veil. It did its job though. I didn't wear shoes. It was something I had never quite outgrown. Having never worn shoes, it was hard to get in the habit again.

I walked out of the bathroom. He sighed. "You look better without that annoying veil."

I glared, quickly writing on my pad. _Better than being stared at. I will take it off when we get to the training grounds. _

He just made a Tch noise and grabbed my hand, pulling me out the door.

He pulled us towards the empty field. We were always using one outside of the village for safety purposes. My jutsu was made for mass destruction, targeting a large amount of people, destroying a village of weak people. Not for fighting an individual. I could do it, but it wasn't what I was meant for. I sadly thought that I was meant for a time of war.

People stared. Girls and guys alike glared. The girls glared because Sasuke was holding my hand, pulling me through the village. They didn't see that I was being pulled along roughly. The boys glared because Sasuke was holding my hand as well, not understanding why he always got my attention. I tried my best to ignore it and oddly enough, what bothered me more than jealous boys and girls were the old women who cooed at us, fussing over what a cute couple we would make.

I didn't have as good a relationship with Sasuke as Naruto or Kakashi or Sakura had. On the outside it may look like we got along best, well… as best as you could get along with someone who was constantly acting on whims, pulling and pushing you around.

In truth though, his three teammates knew him the best. They cared for him the most too. I thought the tough act he put up was cute. I just wish he wasn't so obsessed with Revenge. It was stupid of him. Blinding him. However, I also knew there was nothing I could do to talk him out of it. Didn't mean I didn't try.

When we were alone at the training ground, we always started with a few warm ups. And then we got into more serious stuff. Today we clashed my black dragon against his Chidori. We did it twice: the most either of us could manage. My stamina had been improving. I beat him both times, but he always got his revenge later when we did close combat.

I was still only at a Genin level when it came to taijutsu. Today was no different. In less than three minutes of me not using my jutsu and trying to rely strictly on hand to hand, he had me beat. Pinning me by my vest and pants to a tree with a few dozen kunai and shuriken, his smirk was mocking. I glared, hanging like doll in the air. He walked up to me; I was now the same height as him.

I rolled my eyes, wishing I had my pad to tell him to let me down no. I pulled against the objects pinning me, but not too hard. I could rip out of them, but that would leave me in my underwear and chest wrapping. I had to wait patiently for him to take the objects out of my clothes.

He looked at me and made no move to release me. "You are a mystery you know that?"

I sweatdropped. If he wanted to have some sort of deep conversation he should at least let me down first. I glared and nodded my head towards the Kunai closest to me.

"I will let you down in a minute. I like you there though. Makes you look like some sort of object on display." His mocking grin was plastered on his face and I resisted the urge to rip out of my clothes and just pummel him.

"You don't chase after me, you are on almost on an equal level to me, you know of jutsu that I have never even read about and you are always smiling. There was that day with the chunnin exams as well. You defeated Kankuro and yet you helped him get to Gaara, you also prevented Temari from sustaining any permanent damage. Whenever you looked at Gaara though, or even when people mention him, you put on that look in your eyes… You're doing it now."

I listened to his words and bit my cheek. I didn't chase after him because I didn't see what was so good about him. He hasn't read about the jutsu because I invented half of it. I was always smiling because I had no reason to be sad. I helped Gaara's siblings because I didn't want them hurt and because they were related to gaara. As for the look in my eyes, I didn't understand that.

"You're doing it now. It is a lonely look. And yet on you the sadness looks good." He said again. I frowned, blushing slightly. I didn't know what to think about that.

He brought his face close to mine, too close almost. "You… do you like me?"

I nodded my head with confusion. Of course I did, he as my friend.

"I don't think you get it I mean… Calista…" He turned around in frustration. I thought for a moment he was going to walk away. I gasped as he spun around so fast I could barely track his movements. He placed a hand on either side of me and then did something I never in a million years would have expected. His lips met mine in a hard kiss.

I gasped in surprise, and that was all he needed. He took the opportunity and I felt something slip inside my mouth. This was different from Gaara's kiss. It was less afraid, full of more confidence, and yet gentler. I didn't know what to do. I closed my eyes and felt his tongue as it explored my mouth. His hand snaked behind my head.

A million thoughts raced through my mind. We are too young for this. Should I participate? Do I like this? Do I hate this? I think I like his. I like this… What am I saying this is different from Gaara how can I like it?

I shut off all the thoughts by closing my eyes tighter and letting instinct take over. I moved my tongue, pressing it against his. I pushed against it and he pushed back. Our tongues entered a sinful dance, one I was unaware I knew the steps to until now. It was like an instinct, coming to naturally. My eyes opened for just a second and I found that his were closed. I closed mine again and felt his mouth around mine. He broke the kiss right as we needed air and moved it to the corner of my mouth, and then to my neck.

He sucked gently and yet with force on my neck. I didn't need to bite my lip to retain my moans, as that was one advantage to being mute: he couldn't hear them. I tilted my head, giving him better Access. He wrapped an arm around my waist and I felt him slowly removing the Kunai one by one.

They were soon all gone and I was able to stand on my own. I almost fell though as my knees grew weak. Sasuke had a good hold on me though. His arm held me against him and he continued the assault on my neck. My hands went up to his neck and wrapped around them.

I hissed as he nibbled on a sensitive part. I felt him smirk against my neck and his hand come up to touch a much more sensitive part of my body. I gasped slightly and it stuck inside my vest and there was not much fabric separating him from my breast. A flimsy chest wrap and a fishnet shirt.

He brought his mouth back up to mine and we kissed again before he went back to my neck, right bellow the ear. A very sensitive spot. His knee went up and nuzzled between my legs, pressing into me.

I opened my eyes with another silent moan, my head going back even more. That was when I saw it.

I gasped, and not because of Sasuke. I pulled away from him with a blush. He looked confused and then to where I was looking. He nearly fell over. I blushed crimson with him.

Asuma was standing a few meters away, his mouth agape and his cigarette on the ground. I rubbed the back of my head nervously. Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets but his eyes widened when he looked at my neck. He bushed deeper and looked down again.

I knew what he was getting at and I clasped a hand to my neck, ashamed that I had let my emotions get the better of me like that.

"Y-Y-Y- YOU LITTLE BRATS!" Asuma shouted, stomping over and grabbing Sasuke by the ear.

"What the hell let go of me Asuma!"Sasuke shouted. I bent down and picked up my pad.

"No! Don't even try to explain! I don't even want to know what or why or how or just no! This is so wrong!" He cried comedic tears and snatched the pad out of my hands. He looked at it and then freaked out even more.

_We were fighting and Sasuke pinned me to the tree with a few Kunai and Shuriken and T-_

I blushed and hid my face in my hands when Asuma started to go on about how we were too young and he was going to have to have the talk.

Luckily a new face arrived just in time to save us.

"Oi Asuma! What's going on- Whoa!" Jiraiya walked up to us, looking at my neck. He turned to Asuma with an evil glare. "Didn't know you liked the younger ones Asuma you perv-"

A shoe hit him in the face, silencing him.

"You're the pervert! It wasn't me! I got here because they were late reporting to the Hokage for the mission and there up against that tree doing... his leg was... and her hand was… and his hands were... and his mouth and... It was just…" Asuma let go of Sasuke, shaking his head as if trying to block out the images.

Jiraiya lifted an eyebrow and then laughed. "My, my, my. You sure did bag yourself a good catch Sasuke. Strong _and _beautiful. I couldn't be more proud of you!" He clasped a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, laughing. I buried my head further in my hands, embarrassed to death.

"What is wrong with you Jiraiya? They were- How can you support that!"

"Ah relax Asuma. It wasn't too long ago that I caught you and Kurenai doing the same thing."

Now it was Asuma's time to blush. Jiraiya grinned and handed me my hat. Put it on, still blushing.

"Well, let's not keep Tsunade waiting eh lovebirds?"Jiraiya laughed, walking with us towards the Hokage's tower.

I looked at Sasuke, our eyes met and I blushed, looking down.


	11. Bells of Ireland

"Why are you two so late?" The Hokage asked angrily. Jiraiya opened his mouth but Asuma stopped, him, clutching her desk and looking with horrified eyes.

"NO! Hokage… Please... Please! Don't ask!"

She raised an eyebrow and then looked at me. "Calista, you can remove your hat around me. I get that you might not trust me as much as the former Hokage, but trust me not to fall in love with you ok?" She said, laughing.

I blushed and took off the hat. Her eyebrows rose. She turned to Jiraiya. "Jiraiya, isn't she a little too young to be preyed on by you yet? You could have waited five more years until she was leg-"

"WHY! Why do you assume it was me?" The sage asked with tears streaming down his face. I laughed silently.

"Hokage-sama! Don't ask! Don't!" Asuma had started up again. She looked at me and my blushed. I nervously looked at Sasuke. The Hokage got a knowing glint in her eye but said no more on the matter.

"The reason I called you two here is simple. I have a C rank mission for you to complete but be careful; it may turn into a B rank very fast."

Sasuke and I now had our attentions focused strictly on business. "What exactly is this mission?" Sasuke asked.

"We have received a request to dispose of a group of bandits, about 30 of them, who are terrorizing villages near the border of the land of wind. You are to head out to a rendezvous point where you will be meeting up with sand ninja. Since our new treaty we are trying to strengthen bonds and besides, if the bandits go into wind territory, we will need that permission to pursue them. You will infiltrate and then discover just what their goal is. Dispose of them when you are done." She said, looking up from a piece of paper.

My hands were shaky as I wrote. _By dispose of you mean kill._

It wasn't a question but she nodded anyways. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Tsunade, they aren't ready for something like this. You know there may be Jonin or chunnin level Ninja among these bandits."

"Jiraiya they are both at a chunnin level. Sasuke has his chidori and his hand to hand, and Calista has jutsu that even I have never seen. Asuma reports to me that she took out two Jonin during the chunnin exams when we are attacked. Sasuke went up against Gaara of the desert, and survived. Their skill is enough and I am having them meet up with two strong ninja from the sand. Trust me on this Jiraiya, they can handle it." Tsunade said with confidence.

I felt Sasuke's eyes turn to me. "You defeated two Jonin before you defeated Kankuro?" He was frowning. I didn't answer him.

"That is beside the point. I am talking about eradicating this group. You can't be serious Tsunade! There 13, not ready to kill yet."

"Then when will they be Jiraiya! Sasuke has already killed in the line of duty. Calista is behind on that." Tsunade snapped back angrily.

"Lord Hokage. Calista is gentler than the others. Perhaps we should send her on a mission with me first, to see if she is even capable of it." Asuma spoke, glancing at me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about this. I wanted to prove myself but I didn't know if I could kill…

"Asuma! I assure you she is plenty hardy. She lived on her own for nearly eight years."

"She had a friend come and check on her though. He practically took care of her." Asuma spoke up again.

"Proving my point that she is hardy! She hung out with Gaara of the dessert for nearly eight years. Do you think she wouldn't have become accustomed to killing when around that boy? He mercilessly slaughtered a team in the second phase, threatened to kill his siblings, he also crushed Shiba and Midori to death for apparently no reason. He tried to kill team seven and if it wasn't for Naruto he would have! Do you think she wouldn't see death around that boy?" She growled.

Their eyes turned to me when I gasped, my hand over my mouth. I shook my head. _He wouldn't do that. _I wrote hastily.

The four others in the room looked at me. I narrowed my eyes, glaring at all of them. _I will do the mission. It will be a success. I will be ready to go tomorrow at dawn. _

I set the piece of paper down and then walked out, my hat on again. I stormed back to my house, not at all pleased. I didn't stop to say hi to Kiba as he played with Akamaru and Kiyo, they gave me a quizzical glance but I brushed it off.

"Hey calista?" Sakura called towards me. I turned around and looked in their direction. Sakura and Naruto were running towards me. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, but I put on a smile anyways. I waved.

"Hey calista! Where have you and Sasuke been all day?" He asked.

I blushed, thankful that it was hidden by the veil. I grabbed my pad. _Training, then we both received a mission._

"What no fair! Why do you get to go on a mission with Sasuke alone? Is it a long one?" Sakura asked with a tinge of jealousy. I grinned and raised five fingers. Five days we had: two of traveling and three to eradicate them.

"Eh! Sakura if you want to do a two man mission you could alwa-OWW!" Sakura interrupted Naruto by hitting him upside the head, making me smiled. I turned to leave but Sakura stopped me by placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey calista…" She said. I turned; she had a sad look on her face. I tilted my head, motioning for her to continue. "Calista… You and Sasuke get along well right? What kind of relationship do you two have? I mean are you two…"

I didn't know what to say. I felt like if I told her we had nothing, that I would be lying after what had happened just earlier. I hesitated for a minute before writing.

_Sakura, Don't worry. I am no competition for someone as pretty, strong, and kind as you. Sasuke cares about you, believe it._ I wrote, handing it to her. She blushed. I smiled and turned to go.

"Hey calista-"

I turned back.

"Thanks…"

I just waved it off and continued walking to my apartment.

I headed to the bathroom first, to see the damage done to my neck.

A few seconds later I was fuming, stepping out of the bathroom with a glare, dressed in the black baggy shorts and the chest wrap and fishnet shirt. I was ready to kill someone. I was going on a mission, representing the leaf village with these odd red marks left all over my neck!

I was prepared to Kill Sasuke; in fact I formulated several plans in my mind. I was practically on fire as I stormed around my room, looking for a way to cover up the marks.

"You need this?" I jumped as Asuma walked into my room. One again I was convinces it was public property.

I looked at the item in his hand though and my anger diminished. He was holding out a white scarf. With a grin I took it.

"Don't mention it. Really, don't." He said with a shudder. I smiled faintly at him. I hung up the scarf for the next day and prepared all my stuff. I made sure to pack extra pens and paper just in case. I also readied several kunai with explosive tags just in case. Shikaku had taught me how to do it.

"You sure you are ready for this?" Asuma asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him and gave him a reassuring smile.

_I am sure it will be fine. _

"You know, Lady Hokage can be a little harsh sometimes, but she didn't mean to put your friend down like that." He said.

I turned around and looked at him with a dropped smile. _It's ok. I understand what she means. She was wrong though. I have only seen one dead body. That was-_

I stopped writing because I was going to choke up if I thought about it anymore. I knew Asuma would know who I meant; it was his father after all.

"Calista, I can tell you still care about Gaara. I read the report on your past. I just don't want to see you hurt any more over this. You're a gentle girl. You should find somebody as gentle as you and be happy. If you chase after gaara, you will fall." Asuka placed his hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes.

His words held concern and undeniable truth. I appreciated it and was not so stupid I could not lie and say he was wrong. I looked up at him. _I will try _I mouthed. That was all he needed. His arms surrounded me in a hug. "Good luck on your mission tomorrow. I am sure you will do fine."

I met Sasuke at the gate the next morning. Asuma, Kakashi, Shikaku and Jiraiya were all there. I smiled at them.

"Be careful out there kid. This may turn into a dangerous mission." Jiraiya warned, patting me on the head. I rolled my eyes and waved to them. I started to walk away before I stopped. I ran back to Jiraiya and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. He laughed. I did the same to Asuma, Kakashi, and Shikaku. Asuma grinned, Kakashi crinkled up his eyes in a smile and Shikaku grunted and shook his head but hugged me back anyways. I then turned around, waving as I ran to catch up with Sasuke, who had not stopped to let me catch up. I was excited to get this mission going.

We traveled fast, eager to get to the border of the wind to complete this mission. We didn't talk much. Well... I didn't talk at all and Sasuke would just grunt to whatever I wrote.

We reached our meeting spot early, so we decided to sit down and rest a little bit. We sat together, leaning against the tree, our shoulders nearly touching. I had the scarf wrapped tightly around my neck, hiding the marks from the previous day. I was a little tense, awkward being so close to Sasuke. I couldn't stop thinking about what we had done. I took off my hat and placed it besides me, letting the breeze ruffle through my hair.

"I'm sorry." Sasuke said, breaking the silence. I tilted my head in confusion.

He looked away. "About yesterday. Kissing you like that."

I grabbed my pad. _Sasuke, don't worry about it._

He read it easily since we were so close; he just had to look at it.

"I noticed that you didn't resist though." He smirked, his cocky attitude showing through.

I blushed. _How could I have resisted! I was pinned to a tree!_

"But you kissed me back. I let you go and you were pretty into it."

I turned to face him. _I was just- _I hesitated, not knowing what I was doing.

"You don't need to be defensive. We could always continue where we left off though. We have a good hour until the other two meet us." He laughed.

I felt my heart skip a beat. I secretly wanted to take him up on that offer, to feel what it was I had felt the day before. I was too stubborn though; my pride to great. I would never admit it. I fiddled nervously with my hands and looked down.

Sasuke reached over, he unwrapped my scarf, revealing all the marks. "These. I made these." There was a sense of pride in his voice. I moved to grab the scarf; he held it back on the other side of him.

Glaring and embarrassed, I reached for it again. He moved it again. I went to sit back down like I didn't care but then moved fast, launching across his lap and for it. He moved it up higher and I reached, I then fell back down on his lap. He smirked and flung the scarf onto a branch above our heads. I gasped slightly as he took my waist with both of his hand and picked me up, then setting me so I was straddling him.

He leaned back against the tree, his hands on my waist and a grin on his face. "Every one of those." He said again, leaning so that his mouth was close to my neck. I tensed up with apprehension, but didn't fight back.

He gently kissed one of the marks, causing me to close my eyes. He kissed each and every one of them gingerly. "Don't let these disappear." He ordered. I bit my lip.

Sasuke wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closed. His free hand went up to my hair, taking a hold of it and gently pulling my head back, letting him look at the marks. I caught the gleam in his eye. He was proud of them. It made me squirm slightly.

"I wouldn't do that Calista." He growled against my neck. "I can feel you when you squirm. It excites me."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed and not sure how to react.

He darted his tongue out, licking one of the marks. He kissed it roughly and then broke away. "Open your eyes." He said.

I don't know why, but I obeyed. He was staring at me, his gaze penetrating my soul in a more intimate embrace than our bodied shared. The corners of his mouth turned up and he moved my hands inside of his navy blue shirt. I widened my eyes. He liked my reaction as I stared at his toned chest.

"You can touch it however you want." He said. "Know you are the only girl I have ever let do this."

It was too much. I got off of him stood up and grabbed my pad. He looked disappointed.

_Sasuke, we shouldn't do this. We are on a mission. _

He sighed. "I don't care. We have a good hour until the others are supposed to arrive. It's just a way to kill time."

My eyebrow twitched. Just a way to kill time? _So kissing me is just something you do to kill time?_I wrote angrily, resisting the urge to slap him upside the head.

He frowned. "I didn't me-"

He was swiftly cut off by me shoving my pad in his face. _Well you can find someone else to waste time with!_

He glared. I spun around, pad in my hands and went to walk over to the other side of the forest. Sasuke's strong hand caught my arm. I glared back at him. He yanked me forward and against him.

"You know that's not what I mean." He growled, pressing me up against the tree. I glared. "I meant that there was no harm. You liked it before didn't you?"

I made no response and he brought his lips closer to mine, his arm wrapping around my waist once more. I didn't protest. He touched his forehead to mine. "It isn't fair that you are the only girl that never looks at me." He brought his lips to hover over mine. I felt my heart race more and more.

"Whoa!" A female voice rang out. "Sorry to interrupt you two but-"

Instantly Sasuke and I separated, Sasuke glaring at the two ninja while I grabbed my scarf and put it on, then reached for my hat. I looked over before I had my hat on. It fell out of my grasp.

"Gaara, Temari?" Sasuke asked, his eyes slightly wide. I picked up my hat again, holding it close to me.

"Sorry we are early. We were in a hurry to leave." Gaara said; his eyes on me.

It was hard to breath. In that moment it felt like it was me and gaara alone. His hair had grown a little longer; his outfit was a little different. His face more calm and his eyes… they still held some of that hate, mostly sorrow but… other than that it was as if he changed. He had reverted to what he once was. I wanted to reach out, touch him. I wanted to feel him.

That fight with Gaara… this change was due to Naruto. Naruto had a way of changing people like that. He had a good heart and had a tendency to rub off on you. It made me happy that he had changed, but sad at the same time that no matter my attempts: I had been useless.

"_If you chase after gaara, you will fall." _Asuma's words rang in my ear, snapping me out of my trance. I forced my unwilling eyes away from Gaara and to Temari and Sasuke. But how could I forget about someone I had known nearly my entire life? I couldn't do it in the few months that I had been in the village.

"So According to our Hokage, our mission is to find out, infiltrate and then dispose of a group of two to three dozen bandits. We were told that the squad captain would be one of you two." Sasuke seemed a little frustrated at the last part. I rolled my eyes at his jealousy.

"Then I am squad leader. We need to formulate a plan that would allow us to get close to the enemy, to ask around without raising suspicion. Calista," Gaara turned his eyes on me, I looked at him, his strictly professional gaze. "I am going to have you think of a battle plan."

I nodded my head. He knew that I was best when it came to this. I closed my eyes for only a second before reopening them. I wasn't as good as Shikamaru or Shikaku, but I knew my stuff. I had learned from the best after all, Shikaku had taught me everything he knew.

I grabbed my pen and began scribbling away furiously; they huddled around, reading as I went.

_The first thing we need to do is find a way to get information. We can infiltrate their last attacked town, spend the night there, and try to get information that way. Tamari and I will visit the shops and such to find what we can. T-_

"Why you and Temari?" Sasuke interrupted me. I rolled my eyes.

_Temari and I have certain advantages that you lack, it will be easier for us to loosen the mouths of the village men. _I looked to Temari to see her smirking, understanding perfectly what I meant. _We will gather what we can, hopefully a motive. Once we know the direction, the patter they have, we will beat them ahead to the next village they are likely to ambush. We will Lie in wait, studying the outlay of the village. When they invade the-_

"Why not just go to them?" Temari asked.

_Because they already have the advantage of numbers, we don't want to ambush them on a terrain they know. _I looked at them. They nodded their heads and I continued.

_Once they are in the village I want Gaara to flush them out using their sand. We need to get them outside of the village and away from the people. We will have the element of surprise with us. Gaara will use his sand and I will use my Jutsu to take care of the mass of them. However, the strongest ones will slip through our defenses. I want Temari to stand back, protecting the village and taking care of anyone that gets close and Sasuke to watch for sneak attacks to us. If someone slips through our defense, Sasuke will take care of them, however if he slips past Sasuke, or gives him a hard time, don't kill him._

Sasuke spoke up again. "Don't kill them? Are you cra-"

"If they manage to slip through me and her, then they would be ninja, they would probably be powerful ones as well." Gaara interrupted Sasuke. "With that power comes rank. They would know things that the weaker ones don't. We detain them to question them."

I nodded my head. _Exactly. I want these ones detained. This will be your and Sasuke's main job. Find these strong ones. If we do not get any hints on a motive before we confront them, then this will be our only hope. _

"What will our excuse be for four ninja walking into a town? They will hear of us and then they will avoid the town." Sasuke said.

_That is why we will need a disguise. Any suggestions?_ I looked to the three of them. Sasuke had an ideal.

"Couples. We can disguise ourselves as young couples traveling to a neighboring village for a vacation or something."

I raised an eyebrow. _Ok we will do that. _I looked to the others, seeing them agree.

"The couples will be me and calista, and you two." Sasuke said. He had a glint in his eyes that made me raise an eyebrow.

"No" Gaara said. Ttamari and I looked at him

"Why not? Me and Calista would be the most convincing, since we have a bit of practice, and then you and Temari get along well too." I blushed red at Sasuke's words.

"It won't work. Tamari and I are related. It would be awkward and we would not be able to pull it off. If they needed proof we couldn't interact either. We look a bit alike as well. I know Calista from earlier years. We will get along well." Gaara stated. I didn't think I liked this one bit. I was almost afraid to be alone with gaara. Not because I was afraid of him hurting me, but because I was afraid of doing something stupid. I thought we would never see each other again. I hadn't thought about this. I wish I would have…

Sasuke gave in and Temari agreed. I reluctantly nodded my head.

"So the last attacked village is approximately one mile west. A small village without much too offer. Sasuke and I will head in first. You two can take a while getting suitable and then come with us. Tamari, I will take your fan with me. Calista, I will take your hat." Gaara said, standing up.

I gave up the hat and Tamari reluctantly handed over the fan. Gaara swiftly did a jutsu on the fan and his gourd, making them both look like large bags. He then destroying the hat completely with his sand. I gaped. "Start walking towards the village in an hour and a half. Don't spend to long gathering information. As around for the best inn they have, then wait for us to find you. Be careful." He looked at me and then turned around. Sasuke grunted and chased after him.

"I never thought we would all end up on a team together like this. You should have seen your guys face when I nearly caught you kissing. Priceless!" Temari laughed. I blushed and looked down. Temari smirked and picked up her bag. "Ok, first thing we will need is some normal clothes. Did you bring any" Temari asked. I shook my head, ashamed at my lack of planning.

"No worries. I have something you can wear. I will decorate your hair as well." Her eyes lit up with an evil glint.

I gulped. She was getting too into this.


	12. Fern

**First, I own NOT own Naruto.**

**This chapter has a bit of smut in it for a warning. It is nothing to intimate but some touching, just to be warned.**

An hour later we were both ready. I was wearing a light blue Yukata, my hair was down in its natural waves. Temari had put on a bit of make up to cover up the love bites Sasuke had left behind-not without an endless amount of teasing-and had opened the front of my kimono just enough to show a little. I looked in the little mirror. I looked older than I was, perhaps 15 or 16 instead of 13. Temari looked her usual age: 16.

Temari was dressed in much the same fashion, only red and black kimono instead of light blue and grey. Our headbands and weapons were all sealed away in our bags, which we carried. We headed to the village in silence. It was awkward for her to strike up a conversation with someone who was mute.

I sighed as we approached the gate, taking a deep breath and then putting on a large smile. I turned to Temari; she turned to me in understanding.

"Yeah! And then he was all like: Babe, you're almost as pretty as my girlfriend. His girlfriend is like, so ugly! Can you believe he said that?" Temari gushed when we were in front of the gate.

I held up my pad. _I think this is working. He's already annoyed with us. He hasn't gotten a good look though, so once he sees us his attention may be focused on us in another way. _

"No way! I agree! Men! You know there was one guy in another village I liked who did practically the same thing with me, he went and bought twel-"

"Who goes there?" The gatekeeper grunted.

We looked up. "Rangiku Haruno." Temari introduced herself. I smiled at her steeling of Sakura's last name. "Hinata Sarutobi" She said, pointing at me. I smiled that she gave me the same last name as the Hokage and Asuma. I nodded my head. The guard looked at us, and I mean really looked at us in a way that made me shift slightly.

He regained his composure a long minute later. "Go on in." He waved us. We nodded our heads in thanks and then walked in.

This was the first time I had ever done anything to make myself look good. It worked apparently for me and Temari were attracting all the right attention. "Where to start…" Temari mused.

I looked around and pointed at a restaurant that seemed a little rowdy, more like a guys place. I pointed. "Hah! Practically a bar! Perfect." Temari exclaimed, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards it. I clutched my back tight and made my way too it. Now we had an hour or so to gather what information we could.

We walked in and at first nobody noticed us. One guy did though; he nudged his friend and so on until all eyes were on us. I had never felt so vulnerable. Temari was better at this than me. She put on a polite smile and took my hand, leading me through the crown and sitting us down at a table, the only free one.

She called over a waiter. "Tea for the both of us… Some dango for me and-" She looked at me.

I picked up my pad. _A plate of anything fresh like fruit or vegetables. _I smiled. He pulled his eyes away from the two of us and to the pad.

"Something wrong with your friend?" The bartender asked.

"She's mute." Temari said. She was already scanning the crowd for someone who looked vulnerable and easy to get information from.

Someone came to us before we even had a chance to decide. A man in what we guessed was late teens with brown hair and brown eyes. He leaned over his chair to face us.

"Mute you say? I have a cousin was born that way. Same with you?" He struck up conversation. I smiled politely at him. His face reddened slightly and inside I was smirking a how easy this was going to be.

_Trauma to the throat. _I wrote.

"Really? What happened?"

I hadn't thought up a lie for this, I picked up my pen slowly, and started to write. Temari saved me though.

"Ah! It was horrible. We were attacked by bandits and she rushed in, trying to save me. One of the bandits caught her by the throat, crushed it completely. She gave me enough time though until the ninja came and saved us. It was horrible. I would have been dead if not for her." Temari put on a very convincing frown. I was impressed by her. Not only had she gained the man's sympathy, but she had also brought up the bandits.

The man stood up moved to sit at the same table as us. "Bandits, eh? I'm not surprised. Horrible people they are; deserve to rot in hell. Our village actually suffered an attack a few days ago. They didn't kill anyone, just stole money. It was odd. " He shook his head. "I lost my life's saving because of those bandits. There cruel aren't they."

I was amused by the news. Usually bandits killed or raped whenever they could. Something was off.

"Really they plundered this place? That is horrible! Where did they come from?" Temari exclaimed. I looked intensely at him as well.

"They came from the west, and left to the east. Apparently they are traveling north, towards the lord of the land of wind."

The waiter came and set down our food, Temari brushed him away.

I refocused on the information and carefully committed it to memory. I grabbed my pad. _That is just horrid! How many do you think there were?_

"Oh gosh, at least 30. They could have destroyed the whole village easily." He shook his head at the memory.

I met eyes with Temari. She gave the slightest of nods and I moved over to sit closer to him. I touched a hand to his shoulder, putting on a look of empathy. It wasn't hard, after all these people had just had nearly everything stolen, I felt pity for them.

The man gave me a small smile. Temari took his moment of vulnerability and exploited it.

"That is weird… to take nothing. Do you think they had a motive?"

"I am certain they did. I don't know what though. Nobody here does. There is a widespread rumor that they are after the feudal lords of the land of wind. They headed north, and we are almost positive that they will attack the village of Tsukaju next. It's horrible but none of us are brave or fast enough to get there in time. We just have to wait and see what happens."

That was all we needed. I looked outside as if checking the time and then stood up abruptly. I grabbed my bag and Temari's arm and pointed to the outside as if we needed to hurry.

Temari looked startled and bolted up too. "Oh my! I am so sorry to leave like this but we need to be at the inn in…"

I held up five fingers.

"Five minutes! I am so sorry! It was nice talking to you though!" She shouted as we ran out. We pretended we were in a hurry. She let out a smirk once we were out of view and we slowed to a walk.

"I think that's the Inn. Luckily we managed to get some information, along with the village we need to head to next. So they are after the feudal lords of the wind? That's odd… but to get more information we will need to talk to one of the bandits themselves."

I nodded in agreement. We definitely could not do this by ourselves. I sighed and together we walked into the inn. I let Temari take care of the clerk and check us in a room. Without incident we checked out a single room on the second story.

It was a bland room, a wooden stool, a wooden chair, a wooden desk and two beds. A simple washroom. I set down my pack on one of the beds and sat down, head in hands, trying to process the information and make something out of it. It was times like this that I needed Shikaku with his brains.

Heading for the feudal lords, needing money, not killing, powerful enough that nobody could stop them or just inspiring enough fear that nobody tried so far. So they weren't out for blood of innocents, or at least not excessively. Motive? I tried to think of the most common ones why they would attack the feudal lord. Land, money, love, religion, scorn, or revenge. I ruled out money and scorn. They had been gathering enough money, they wouldn't need that. They hadn't killed enough to have scorn. Land and power perhaps. Revenge too. Those two were the most likely. I wouldn't know for sure what motive until we caught one of them.

"What did you find out?" Gaara asked, walking into the room with Sasuke. I kept my head in my hands for another long minute while Temari explained.

"Well, we learned that they raided the village, but took no lives, only money. There is also speculation that they are headed towards the feudal lord of the land of wind or something to do with them. Tsukaju is where they are speculated to raid next. It has a popular tourism onsen that they say if lovers bathe in then they will stay together forever. It's perfect for an excuse to be there." She rubbed her hands.

"Calista? You ok?" Sasuke asked, walking over and putting a hand on my shoulder. I looked up with a start and grinned. I picked up my pad.

_Just thinking about a motive. Land and power or revenge. Those are what I came up with. _I wrote. I looked at him and Gaara; they had gone silent and were staring at me as if there was something was wrong. I tilted my head and Gaara instantly regained his composure. Sasuke just continued staring.

_Is something wrong Sasuke? _I asked, feeling self conscious. He shook his head. He looked at me for another long minute and then cleared his throat.

"Ok for sleeping arrangements I think we should have it as me and Calista in one room, Gaara and Temari in another. This way we have me, a short ranged fighter with calista: a long range fighter. You two work together well as siblings so this is just a precaution." Sasuke concluded. He grabbed my hand.

"I'll take her to the other room so no need moving yourselves; we will send your s-"

"No." Gaara said. Sasuke turned to look at him.

"Why not?"

"Because you will get distracted with her, then if an attack occurs you two can be caught off guard and therefore vulnerable and a hindrance to our plan. Calista and Temari will sleep together. You and I will be in the other room."

Temari and I looked between the two of them. Sasuke eventually sighed and let go of my hand with a scowl. "Fine." He walked out. I looked after him with a concerned expression. He had been acting so weird lately. I took a step to walk after him but Temari put a hand on my shoulder.

"Come on, we need to get a good night sleep so we can get ready for tomorrow to leave before the town wakes up." She said, leading me towards the beds. I took one last look at where Sasuke had been but decided to let it go.

"Goodnight Gaara" She said. He nodded his head in reply. I did nothing and just moved towards the bed. Once he was gone I stripped of my clothes and crawled into the bed. I grabbed my pad and wrote something before tearing it off and tossing the piece of paper to Temari.

_Why did they look at me like that? Did I do something weird?_

Temari, who was also in the bed, read it and laughed? "You really are stupid huh?"

I huffed. What was that supposed to mean?

"You're pretty on your own; imagine what you looked like when you actually try." She said. Her tone seemed almost… a little dark. I frowned. Was she upset with me? "Well we need to go to bed. 'Night Calista."

I sighed and reluctantly rolled over. I fell asleep within seconds.


	13. Red Camellia

**A/N: OK, so it is only fair to warn that this chapter has smut in it. My story will have a lot of this in it, Hence the M rating of my whole story. I will warn you in the authors notes though. I am not really satisfied with this chapter but oh well. I also like to have one chapter written at all times. I already have the next chapter written out but i wait for the one after that to be completed to post it. That way I know I can update at least once or twice a week . Thank you for the positive feedback though, as it makes smile. **

**And to state the obvious: I DON'T OWN NARUTO**

* * *

We woke up and silently bathed and packed. We were ready to go by the time the sun had peaked over the horizon. We were dressed similarly to yesterday, only to look more our age. It was a mellower look but still effective. We met Gaara and Sasuke and silently left.

It was an awkward silence as we left the village. In fact we didn't say a single word until we were about to enter Tsukaju. We stopped just outside of the village gates.

"OK, so remember. Calista and Gaara, Sasuke and I. We're all madly in love mushy gushy and all that crap, and we want to visit the springs to gain eternal love. Can you three do that?" Temari questioned. I slowly nodded my head. I was already feeling embarrassed.

Sasuke sighed. "Whatever you say Hun." He smirked darkly. I laughed silently as Temari gave him a sweet smile in return.

Gaara went to stand closer to me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and I widened my eyes, tensing slightly. This was too awkward; I didn't know how to react.

Temari looked at us and frowned. "Can't you guys act a little more natural? You're too tense. Here…" She walked up to us and put my arm on his shoulder. She pushed us closer together and instructed us to relax. We both took a deep breath and slowly did so.

She grinned, grabbing Sasuke's hand and intertwining the fingers. "OK let's go. Try not to mess this up." She glared at me and Gaara and then at Sasuke.

Sasuke and I nodded, knowing it would be the death of us if we didn't. And then, me and Temari putting on love struck smiles and Sasuke grinning lecherously at Temari, we headed for the gate.

The gatekeeper seemed to be used to couples like us. He didn't even question us and let us walk in. We sighed in relief.

"C'mon guys! Let's go check in at the hotel over there!" Temari exclaimed, way to girlish to be the real her. She took Sasuke's hand and dragged him to the inn that was part of the hot springs. We walked in and immediately managed to gain the attention of most of the people there. Gaara looked around at the men looking at his fake girlfriend and glared. Sasuke grabbed Temari in a bit more possessive manor. They were good actors, I had to I've them that. I was just blushing and looking down. Apparently I was doing a good job acting when not acting.

"How many rooms?" The Innkeeper asked.

Temari grinned. "Two!" She looked lovingly over at Sasuke who smirked.

The keeper nodded. "We have two available. One is upstairs that way," He pointed to his left. "The other is downstairs that way." He pointed to his right.

I frowned, this was going to be a slight problem as we would be noticed walking to each others room this late at night.

Temari didn't let her concern show. "Perfect!"

The innkeeper grinned. He looked at Gaara and me. "One bed or two?"

I reached for my pad but Gaara held me tighter. "One."

I blushed and Sasuke had a flash of anger in his eyes. It faded though as a quick look from Temari cut him off. The innkeeper grinned wider. "And for you two?"

"One." Sasuke growled. I watched as the innkeeper gave us both keys to the rooms.

"And with each room there is a number, and you just go to the hot spring that matches that number. There all private." He winked. I blushed deeper.

"Aww Sasuke! Let's go there first!" Temari gushed. "See you later Calista!" She hollered after us.

Gaara and I watched them leave to the room. "We will go too ours as well." Gaara said, turning. I looked helplessly after Temari and Sasuke, not sure what to do.

Gaara dragged me to the room where he swiftly picked up two towels. He handed one to me. "Undress."

I widened my eyes and reached for my pad. "Undress and put on that towel. We will go to the hot springs. " He said before leaving. I didn't even get a chance to write anything to him. He walked outside and towards the springs, leaving me alone. I felt my knees tremble.

I made sure he was gone and then removed my clothes. I folded them neatly and then wrapped the towel around my body. I walked out the door and down the hallway until I came across onsen number six.

I had been naked in front of Gaara many times before. I never was bothered by it, I thought it was natural, and he had never reacted. I learned as I went to Konoha however, that it was not OK. How I learned that? Well, walking around naked… Let's just say that Naruto learned that he should knock before entering and I learned that you can in fact go unconscious from a nosebleed.

I timidly stepped into the rocky pool. The hot water felt good against my skin as I sank down to my knees. The towel was wrapped around me tightly, and I was feeling nervous. I didn't see Gaara and that almost made me feel worse.

"You came."

I spun around so fast I nearly fell down. Gaara was standing behind me, wrapped in his towel. I bit my lower lip. His body was lean, but had just the right amount of muscle. It wasn't as toned as Sasuke or lee, more like how any long range fighter would be. Like Shikamaru. Just like I remembered. No... he had gotten more muscular in the few months we had been apart.

Trying to stop my cheeks from turning pink, I turned back around and looked down at the ground. I didn't have my pad with me so I was unable to speak.

I felt the currents of the water shift around me as he waded in as well. He stood behind me. I took a deep breath and was about to turn around when his hand sneaked around my waist and he pulled me against him. My heart stopped in my chest. He bent down to whisper in my ear.

"Don't look now. Someone is watching." He said. I felt my heart sink. What was I expecting? For him to be doing this because he wanted to? I was an idiot.

Remembering that we were being watched however, I forced my mind to turn serious. I leaned against Gaara and let the blush come to my face. He placed his lip right next to my ear. He mumbled again. "I activated my third eye. He isn't just a regular peeping tom. He has chakra."

I nodded my head. Gaara turned me around and looked me over. I blushed and turned back around. He put on a small smile and reached around, taking hold of my towel. I took a step forward, wading into a deeper part. I sank down.

"Babe, you know what they say about these springs?"

I turned back around. He had gotten rid of his towel. I blushed and turned around. Gaara was too good at this act. I was sure that I was pretty convincing as well. The catch was that I wasn't acting.

He walked up and into the water. He sank down next to me. He moved me around. "They say that if you are with someone in them, you two will be destined to be together."

I looked back at him with my blush apparent. I tried not to look down but my head was tilted that way. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. He placed a kiss on my neck. "He is probably a spy for the rogues. We need to convince him we are teens in love. If we continue like this I think it will scare him away."

I tilted my head to the side, giving him a better access to my neck and letting him know I understood.

He backed away and gingerly traced the love bites left behind by Sasuke. He wrapped his hand around my throat and it was all I could do to keep from tensing as I remembered the last time. It was cruel of me, but I was only human and this was only a reflex I could not help.

He didn't notice luckily. With one hand on the back of my neck, and one on my waist, he brought his mouth down to one of the love bites. He sucked on it, making his own mark over it.

I told myself the only reason for my reactions was because I had to do this for the mission. I couldn't fool myself or the heat rising in my body. He kissed my neck, gingerly, so much different from Sasuke. Sasuke was rougher, while Gaara was almost timid, afraid.

I couldn't help it. When Sasuke kissed me my heart sped up but when Gaara did the same thing, my heart stopped all together.

"It isn't working. If anything he looks more skeptical." He grumbled.

I bit my bottom lip and wrapped my arms around him. He nudged me and I jumped up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He held me against him and moved into the shallower water, which was only reaching my knees. He then leaned me against the rock.

He looked me in the eyes. "I love you." He said, low but loud enough for any eavesdroppers to hear. I almost turned away, almost left with that. I didn't know if I could do this. Live this fantasy of mine. To have the man I loved tell me how much he loved me; treat me with such care. Not when I knew that it would be ripped away in seconds as soon as the spy was gone.

I bit my lips and felt tears come to my eyes. A few slipped by.

"Don't cry." He said. He kissed away my tears. I tried to stop them. "Do you trust me?"

I nodded my head. His eyes sent me a silent apology. I nodded my head again, letting him know that it was OK, that I understood whatever he was going to do. It was for the mission.

He moved his hand to my leg. I tensed up, my breath catching in my throat. I widened my eyes. I didn't know he meant something like that. He cut of any protest with a look. His eyes were almost warning me to stay still and go with it.

He brought his mouth down on top of mine, his hand trailing up my thigh. I hesitantly wondered how he knew these sorts of things but pushed such petty thoughts to the back of my mind. His hand was so close to me, it was almost too much to take. I gasped as he stroked my thigh.

He licked my lower lip and I timidly opened my mouth. His tongue hesitantly touched mine. I pushed back with just as much fear and anxiety. His hand moved up further and stroked me. I let out a gasp and my legs gave out.

I would have fallen had it not been for his hand against my waist. He moved me to the edge of the hot spring and sat me down, never stopping the assault on my lips. I felt myself shaking and my heart beat faster than it ever had before as he brought his hand up to me again. His other hand moved to unwrap and get rid of my towel.

I hissed as the cold air hit my skin and I was exposed to Gaara. I didn't get why I was reacting like this now, I had never been embarrassed before when naked before him. Why was it so different now? Why was my body reacting this way?

Thoughts disappeared from my mind quickly however. Gaara deepened the kiss and his hand down below pressed a little harder. He was doing nothing more than lightly tracing me. It was too much though. I gasped and held onto him tight. He broke the kiss and looked into my eyes. I couldn't look at him. I shut my own eyes tight. I moved my forehead to his shoulder. I bit my bottom lip.

Gaara still had his hand down below, but his mouth was sucking on my shoulder. "I think he's getting stimulated by this. I also think he no longer thinks we are a threat." Gaara said, his voice calm and collected.

I hated him right then. He was doing these weird things to me and yet was perfectly calm.

"When I say to, I want you to act all embarrassed and push me away." He mumbled next to my ear. His hand unwrapped from my waist and traveled to my breast. "Now" He said as soon as he squeezed.

It took all my self control to move my hands to his shoulder and push him away. I wrapped my hands around myself and shook my head.

Gaara sighed and put on a smile. He walked over and wrapped his arms around me. "It's OK; I won't force you to do something you are not ready for."

I nodded my head. He wrapped the towel back around me and one around him and picked me up bridal style. He carried me back to the room.

He must have been smart enough to know that I couldn't walk on my own after he had done something like that. He entered the room and set me down on the bed. I sat up, legs still shaky.

"You did well." He said. I nodded my head slowly. "Sorry we had to do that."

I shook my head and stood up. I walked over to the bags and pulled out a plane white yukata. I retreated to the bathroom. I closed the door and sank to my knees. Asuma was right. I needed to get over it. This shouldn't affect me like this. How could I help it though? I was in love with him. I was nothing more than a confused teenager.

I shook my head and shrugged off the lingering feelings from Gaara's touch. I dressed quickly and walked out of the bathroom.

"You should get some sleep before the action starts. It is likely they will attack tonight." Gaara said, already wearing some shorts and getting in the bed.

I grabbed my pad. _Goodnight Gaara._

He nodded his head and got under the covers turning away from me. I this was a farce, that he never slept. It made me feel exposed, knowing i was going to be unaware while he was around me. I tried my best not to think of it or of what had happened earlier but I couldn't resist. I fell asleep with a blush.


	14. Striped carnation

**A/N:**

OK, so some of you might be wondering why I name al my chapters after flowrers. It is actually the flower meanings I name them after. here is the site I go to to get them: 

I woke up to Gaara gently shaking my shoulder. Tired and out of it, I smiled softly and reached up to touch his face like I would have in older times, when we were younger.

He widened his eyes as I stared at him with half-lidded ones. I stroked his pale cheek gently. It was smooth to the touch, which came from never getting injured. I could feel my grin growing the more I caressed his face, much like a little schoolgirl. I ran a finger along his mouth, his lips, then back up to his scar. Gaara closed his eyes as I traced it fondly, absently and groggily.

His eyes opened a second later. "What are you doing Calista?"

I narrowed my eyes, and then slowly they started to widen in realization. I pulled my hand away and got out of the bed. I grabbed my pad.

_Sorry Gaara! I was tired and you know how I get when I wake up or am really tired… _I said nervously. It was true. I would never have to drink, I only have to stay up late before I fall into a weird state, where I would babble on and not remember anything I said or talked about the next morning. It was much like being drunk, or at least that is what Jiraiya said.

"Don't worry about it." He grunted, pulling on some more appropriate clothes than the shorts he had been pretending to sleep in.

A knock on the door interrupted anything I was about to write. I gave Gaara a sharp nod and he walked over to the door. He opened it.

"You're so annoying." Sasuke was saying to Temari as he walked inside the room.

"Aww, why do you say that honey?" She asked with her voice dripping in sweetness. I shivered.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and looked over to me, taking in my lack of pants. I blushed and grinned nervously.

"What were you two doing?" Sasuke growled, looking to Gaara.

"We were sleeping." He answered back.

Sasuke glared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

I decided to intervene. I shoved my pad in Sasuke's face.

"We were just sleeping to get some rest before tonight." He read out loud, his shoulders nearly dropping in relief.

"Yes." Gaara said. "We were resting. Did you two go to the onsen?" He asked Temari and Sasuke.

They shook their heads. "No, we stayed in our room, scoping some things out. Did you two?" Temari asked.

Gaara nodded. "We were spied on; we think it was a henchman for the bandits. We had to convince him we were a couple. "

Temari raised an eyebrow. "Convince? How exactly?"

I blushed and looked down. Sasuke stepped closer to Gaara as Gaara spoke. "The most convincing way: We touched."

Sasuke balled up his fists. Gaara looked at him with a calculating eye, his arms crossed as always and his face void of emotion. "That was why I allowed Calista to rest; she was shaken up by the events."

I reached for my pad to try and reassure Sasuke, but he took action before I could. His hand reached out, snatching gaara by the front of the shirt. "Now you listen here you damn f-"

I interrupted him, taking hold of his arm and pulling it off of Gaara. Sasuke glared at me and I winced at the hatred in his eyes. His eyes were becoming more and more like how Gaara's were before. As if as Gaara's eyes lightened into what Sasuke's used to be, Sasuke's darkened into what Gaara's used to be.

I put my hands on Sasuke's shoulders and pushed him away nonetheless. He relaxes slightly, looking into my eyes still and letting me move him away

I smiled softly up at him. I felt Gaara's eyes boring into us. _'No, don't think of him. He means nothing to you' _I thought fervently.

"He to-" Sasuke had started again with a dark voice still, but I put a finger to his mouth to silence him. I didn't want this argument right now. I gave him a small smile and a light peck on the cheek. I knew it would calm his mind. It worked, but backfired.

He brought his hand up to my cheek and turned my head, his lips meeting mine in a hard kiss. A kiss meant to claim and put others in line. I blushed but didn't fight him. It felt wrong though, with Gaara watching. He let go after a long second. I stepped away, blushing

"We will talk more about what happened later. I'll let it slide for now." He growled, tough his voice was calmer.

I was shaky myself. I spared a glance at Gaara and Temari. Gaara's expression was unreadable while Temari had a smirk on her face. Eager, to distract myself, I reached back for my pad.

_Let's get ready for tonight. I will go change._

I held out the pad to Sasuke and then turned around to face the wall, where my back was resting. I bent down and picked up the blue yukata from earlier. I felt a pair of eyes on me and turned around, I glared at Sasuke who didn't even notice because he was too busy staring at my butt. I picked up a spare sandal and chucked it at him, hitting him in the face and causing Temari to laugh.

I stomped over to the bathroom, but not before jutting my tongue out at him. I sighed; tonight was going to be long one.

**~*V*~**

We all stood near the village's entrance moments later, having mapped out the area to the best of our knowledge. We had managed to memorize the layout of the town and the vantage points. I was currently in the front with Gaara; Temari and Sasuke were a few meters back, waiting to see who would escape us so they could detain them.

"There" Gaara observed, staring out into the dead of night. As soon as he said it the war cry came.

Bandits, at least 30 came charging at us. Their own little army.

"Not yet…" Gaara said. We waited; my fingers were tingling for Gaara to give the sign that I could form hand signs.

The bandits were lead by one man, one I made a mental to let slip by my fingers so he could be captured by Temari. They slowed down slightly as they saw us and Gaara gave the nod.

I took care of the soldiers on the left, while Gaara dealt with the right. He used his sand coffin to catch and obliterate several men. He sent torrents of sand after the others. He had gotten stronger, so much stronger.

I summoned a black dragon blizzard and instantly eradicated a few bandits. I heard their screams and did my best to ignore it as blood mixed with the black dragon's ice. I closed my eyes and allowed the dragon to do the work. I realized just how untrained these bandits were. They had no hope against even a genin. No, even an academy student could take all of these ninja out.

The last voice rang out for the last time and I opened my eyes, looking out at the massacre. I walked slowly up to one of the bodies. He had been killed by me. I winced as his cold, dead eyes bore into mine.

"Let's go Calista. Temari is interviewing the man we captured. We will depart as soon as she gets the information." Gaara said.

I ignored him and instead focused on the fallen bandit. Bending over I shut his eyes. I sent out a silent prayer: _Do not forgive me… _

I felt arms wrap around my waist and looked back into the face of Sasuke. "Come on; let's pack to return home while Temari finishes her interrogation."

I nodded numbly and allowed him and Gaara to escort me back to my room. The villagers were awake and waiting for us, shocked and wide eyed. I preferred it that way, for what came next was worse.

They felt as if we were their heroes. Once they had gotten over the initial shock, they were cheering and grateful that we had stopped them. They offered us gifts and drink and free room and board. Sasuke refused it all of course, telling them that we had to leave. I had to stop myself from glaring at their merriment.

They were happy, but at what cost? I knew the cost: the lives of 32 men. 12 of which I had killed myself. Men who possibly had families or loved ones, who had a mothers and fathers waiting for them. Some of the bandits didn't look much older than Tamari. I shook my head in disappointment and ignored the villagers for the rest of the walk back to the inn.

I walked into my room and packed in silence, a sick feeling in my stomach. I wanted to throw up. I felt gross. Those men had never killed, they stole, but they didn't kill. They deserved some time in a jail cell perhaps… or…

Anything else. They didn't deserve death. I shook myself. Maybe Jiraiya and Asuma were right. Maybe I was too soft. I didn't want to let them down; I understood that this was the way of the shinobi. I could see the logic behind it. When faced with enforcing that logic though, things were much different on the field than in a classroom with other wannabe ninja.

Civilization is so barbaric.

"Calista?" Sasuke asked. I realized I had stopped packing and looked back with a smile. He raised an eyebrow and I dropped my smile as I turned around, continue my packing.

I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. Mad perhaps… sad? I just didn't know. I repressed a sigh and continued to rearrange my clothes appropriately. I excused myself to the bathroom and changed into my regular outfit, coming back out with the white open fronted vest over a fishnet and chest wrappings, and black knee length baggy shorts. I used the scarf to cover up the even more prominent bite marks that gaara had made over Sasuke's. I would have to settle for going without cover on my face. The stupid redhead had destroyed my hat.

"Why don't you ever wear shoes?" Sasuke asked, looking at my feet. He took the Yukata out of my hand.

He was trying to distract me, I knew that. I would take advantage of it. I grabbed my pad and scribble down a bit of information. _I never wore them before, still not something I can get used to._

He took that answer. I finished packing and put the pack on my bag, turning to Sasuke. He already had his bag ready.

"We got everything out of him we could" Temari interrupted, walking into the room unannounced. She took the Yukata of hers and stuffed it in her bag

"We will send him back with you two to be interviewed. We also wrote up and copied a small summery of it all. Though I am sure that what you find from your ninja will be more proficient. The main motive for all of this was that this bandits had been wronged by the feudal lord. They were out to gain enough money to hire a mercenary group known as the Akatsuki to assassinate him. It was a simple case of petty revenge. " Gaara also came into view. He didn't look at me; his attention was solely on Sasuke.

I went over what he had told us. It troubled me. So I was right on my revenge theory. I wondered how he had Ben wronged, and more about this Akatsuki group. I would have to look into it when I got back to the village. I grabbed my pad.

"Very well. We will take him back and report to the Hokage that this joint mission was a success." Temari read aloud what I had hastily written down on the pad.

Gaara gave a curt nod. Together we all made our way out of the village, past cheerful villagers and with the mob's leader trapped in Gaara's sand. There was an eerie silence between us all. Sasuke was glaring at Gaara every few seconds, and Temari was smirking. Gaara was silent and emotionless. I imagined that I must look rather sad if my reflected anything I was feeling inside.

We walked together a half a mile outside of town. It was then that we stopped and sat down. I put my head in my hands and let the other three talk more about the bandits and such. I wasn't in the mood for it.

"Calista?"

I looked up to see who had called my name. Temari was frowning as she looked at me. I blushed in embarrassment and tilted my head to the side in questioning.

"We are going to separate now. You did pretty well. Your acting skills were priceless." She smirked.

"Yes. You are quite convincing." Gaara added. I had to stop my cheeks from going bright red. I knew what he was talking about.

_Thank you Gaara-sama, Temari._ I scribbled.

"Well, bye Calista; Later Sasuke honey" She winked. I felt a sting of something in my stomach as she addressed Sasuke like that but pushed it aside.

"Later" Sasuke replied in his too-cool-for-school attitude. I rolled my eyes and just waved.

Temari turned around and started walking away. Sasuke turned to go the opposite way. Gaara and I stood facing each other.

The past two days had felt unreal. Like a dream, no, more like a nightmare. A nightmare because when it all ended, I knew it was going to hurt. Right now was the end of this enchantment. I didn't want to leave Gaara and I would give anything to go back to the sand village with him. If he asked, perhaps I would leave it all behind…

"Calista." Gaara started.

I looked up into his eyes with a questioning gaze.

"Would you rather be a ninja of Suna?"

I was caught off guard. I was just thinking about it and then he asks me?

I felt butterflies in my stomach as I grabbed my pad to write. I held the pin to the paper, pressed it down and then started to make a Y. I was ecstatic. Could this mean that Gaara cared? That he wanted me to be around him again? Or was this just a trick question?

I dismissed the trick question part of it though. Gaara wasn't like that. I finished the Y, but for some reason I couldn't bring my hand to write the rest.

For some reason I thought of the Hokage, and how he had took me around town, how he had graciously let me into the ranks even though he knew nothing about me he had such faith in me. I swore to defend the leaf village to him. I looked to my headband wrapped around my arm, which was proof.

There was Sasuke as well, who had taught me to feel for someone other than Gaara, who had accepted me. Sure, Sasuke had a habit of looking at me like the other villagers do, to gape at my looks if I was found without a hat or face cover. But, Sasuke had accepted me for the most part and I was beginning to feel something for him.

Then there was Ibiki and Inoichi, how Inoichi had held onto me to stop me from hurting myself, how Ibiki had approved of me with so little effort. They trusted me.

Kakashi had taught me how to utilize my wind to go against his lighting attacks. He had put Sasuke in line when he tried to harass me in the beginning. He also took me shopping and promised to help me design different ways to cover my face. In fact, I was thinking of getting a mask to cover my face like what he had in respect to him.

Jiraiya. The pervert. I loved him though, as one would love a grandfather. He could always bring a smile to me when I was down, he could be serious and wise at times too, even a little gruff and blunt. He had saved my life and I owed it to him. I would gladly give it to him if ever asked. It was all thanks to him that I could be at Konoha; that I had been allowed to have a life.

Shikaku. Shikaku had trusted me with his knowledge of battle tactics, tried to show me everything I knew. He had trained me in long ranged tactics and had taught me how to play shogi (which I never once won against him or his son much to my chagrin) and he had never looked at me as if I was different, he never even questioned where I came from or my past. He had also refused to read the folder on me, saying that he would find out when I deemed it right for him to know. I respected him for that.

Asuma. He was one of my favorite people in Konoha. Asuma had been my stepping stone, the one who pulled me through. He had held onto me and we had cried together when his father died. He was always checking in on me, making sure I was alright. If anything ever happened to him I- No… I didn't even want to think about what that would do to me. It would break my heart in a thousand pieces. I was sure of that. Asuma was the closest thing to a father figure I had. Sure, he was closer to Shikamaru than me, but I wouldn't let myself be jealous of that relationship. Asuma meant the world and more to me, and leaving him or losing him would him would be nearly as hard as loosing Gaara. Not quite, as I had only known Asuma for five months... but nearly.

Then there was Naruto, who had always looked at me as just another person, who had always defended me. He was my best friend, or at least I wanted to think of him like that. I knew I was not his best friend, Sasuke was his best friend. But just like Asuma and Shikaku, I would never want to challenge or break apart that relationship. I also knew that he loved Sakura and would do more for her than for me. It could make me jealous when I was in a petty mood, but I knew I should just feel lucky to be around him.

Images of the previous Hokage, the current Hokage, Jiraiya, Sasuke, Ibiki and Inoichi, Kakashi, Sakura, Shikaku and Shikamaru, Asuma and Naruto all came into my brain. How could I leave them? I had sworn allegiance to the leaf village. If I was to leave and go to the sand village, what would I have? I would be leaving all my friends to be with Gaara. Sure, I loved Gaara with all my heart, loved everything about him from the dark rims around his eyes to the sad expression they held, to the way he held onto me late at night as we sat at the oasis.

A dark spot formed on the paper beneath me. I couldn't do it. I reluctantly scribbled out the Y and the partially written E. I spent a few minutes writing and ripped the piece of paper out. I handed it to Gaara. He took the piece of papers in his pale hands, his eyes never leaving mine. I smiled and then turned around as he looked down at the paper. I walked away without looking back.

I knew what it said. It tore my heart apart to do what I had just done, but I had to do it. I felt a tear fall down my cheek as I walked. That tear hit the sand and melded with the landscape; it would be the last tear I shed over this. That note was my final goodbye.

_I am sorry. However, I would not leave Konoha for anything._

_I love you Gaara,_

_~Calista. _


	15. Daisy

We arrived at the gates of Konoha the next night. Sasuke and I hadn't even stopped for water or rest. I pitted the bandit in our care, as he was being pushed to his limits. Sure, we were moving at a slower face, but it was still fast for someone who was not a ninja.

Sasuke had even refused to stop to eat. It was something that he and I could do without, but not the bandit. I had been feeding him as we went, bread and water mostly. I couldn't untie his hands, so I was hand feeding him. He had spent most of the time staring at me.

I was impressed by this man, he was afraid, but hadn't even tried begging for life. I got a closer look at him, and he had short blonde hair, a young face. He looked rather handsome, and around the same age as Kakashi or Asuma. He didn't look like bandit material. It was all very sad this whole event, but I wouldn't show it. I wouldn't let down all those who believed in me… those who I had quite possibly given up a future in the sand village with Gaara for.

"Oi! Calista!" A high pitched and ever annoying voice rang out

"Calista! Sasuke! Welcome back!" A girl's voice joined.

I smiled, seeing Sakura and Naruto while Sasuke kept on his usual frown. I held onto the handcuffed and roped bandit's arm and walked inside of the village. Sasuke took his hands out of his pockets and took hold of his other arm. "I will take him to Ibiki and Inoichi. You can report to the Hokage." Sasuke grumbled.

I reluctantly nodded and let go of the man. I knew it would be the last time I saw him. He would be imprisoned or killed depending on what they found. I prayed it would be the prior.

"Calista?" Naruto asked again, snapping me out of my daze. I turned to face him with a grin and wrapped my arms around his neck in a big hug. I also put some weight on him, tempted to just collapse right there.

"Boy, you look awfully tired." Sakura commented.

I let go of Naruto and swaggered slightly as if in agreement. I had only received about 4 hours of sleep in the past 60 hours. I was about to fall asleep on my feet. I was starving as well. I used up what was left of my strength to grab my pad and write.

_I am exhausted. Sasuke didn't let me get much sleep. He has more stamina than me. At times I almost gave up on trying to match his pace and just did my own thing. _I held it out. The two of them read it and I expected sympathy or something. Instead their mouths were open and a blush was on both their faces. I lifted an eyebrow, about to ask what I had said wrong.

I was once again interrupted, this time by two faces I knew all too well. "ah! Calista you're back from the mission!" That was Jiraiya's voice. I swayed a little as I looked back behind me.

"You kicked there a-" Asuma stopped to catch me as I teetered backwards a little too far.

I smiled up at him apologetically and showed him the pad and what I had written earlier.

Asuma's grin fell into a dropped jaw. He pushed me away and into Jiraiya. I let out a silent yelp Jiraiya caught me and let me lean against him instead.

"Jiraiya! She- You- What the hell have you been teaching her! I told you it was a bad idea to send her on a mission with Sasuke! I told you that this would happen! This is your entire fault, you and your damn lecherous behavior in front of-"

"woah woah woah Asuma! You're the pervert! I saw those marks on her neck you little lec-"

Once again a shoe hit him in the face, silencing him. Asuma, now missing one shoe caught me as Jiraiya fell backwards with a shoe imprint on his face. He picked me up bridal style but I was too tired to care. I closed my eyes gratefully

"I told you that wasn't me!" Asuma yelled back at Jiraiya. Naruto and Sakura were probably confused but I would explain later, right after I talked to the Hokage abo-

Shit! I opened my eyes as wide as I could considering how tired I was. I pointed to the Hokage's building. Asuma smiled down at me. "Don't worry Calista, I will see the Hokage myself. I am trusting that you have a scroll with details in your bag?"

I smiled gratefully and nodded. Closing my eyes I allowed myself to fall into a deep sleep right there in his arms. I felt safe and secure with Asuma, something that I was beginning to feel more and more often.

~*V*~

I woke up sweating from a nightmare in the middle of the night. I tossed and turned for several minutes but couldn't get back to sleep. It wasn't because I was no longer tired. It was the images of death. Whenever I shut my eyes and tried to fall back asleep, images of the dead bandits would haunt my mind; the fear in their eyes would pierce my heart and make it hard to breathe.

I reluctantly stood up and walked to the kitchen, but not before noticing that someone had changed me into a thin white nightgown. Shrugging it off, I opened the fridge and pulled out a handful of raspberries, popping them in my mouth. In the cupboard I retrieved a jar of jerky and ate most of that.

Going back to my bead, I was sure that I would be able to fall asleep now that I was full and content. I closed my eyes but a few minutes later they reopened, a tear leaking out the side. I bit my lip and got up again. Still in my nightgown I walked over to my window and climbed down it and into the room below me. Not knowing what exactly it was I was doing, I opened the window as silently as I could. The thought I was trespassing didn't bother me. The room belonged to Asuma, which was convenient having him live that close. The room below his was Sasuke's. I grinned.

His king sized bed was placed against the wall and there was a sleeping body in it. I tiptoed over and reached out to touch his shoulder. I was startled though, as he spun around, a chakra blade in his hand and in a swift movement he grabbed my throat and shoved me around so that I was on the bed beneath him with his hand on my throat and his blade pressing against my neck.

My eyes were wide and Asuma's face was serious. His eyes adjusted to the dark swiftly though, and he soon widened his eyes as well and let me go. "Calista! What are you doing! That's dangerous!" He exclaimed as he turned on the lamp light. He was clad in nothing but some sweatpants, leaving his chest exposed and causing me to blush despite myself.

I reached for my pad but realized I forgot it. Asuma sighed, ruffling up his already sleep-ridden hair. I grinned nervously.

"You are a piece of work kid, here…" He stood up and walked to the closet besides the bed. He reached into it and pulled out a box. HeSS handed it to me and I quizzically opened it. Sitting on his bed still, I revealed a white board the size of a piece of paper and a blue pen. I looked at it , not sure what to do with it.

"It's a dry erase board. You write on it with that pen and then you can erase it." He said. I decided to test it out.

_HI! _I wrote. I then took my hand and wiped it away. I grinned as it worked really well. My troubles from nightmares forgotten, I jumped up and wrapped my arms around Asuma's neck, hugging him. I placed a kiss on his cheek as well. Naruto always told me I was too affectionate for a ninja, but I did not care much. It was just how I was.

Asuma chuckled, used to my displays and just patted my back. "No worries. I planned on giving it to you as a present for completing your first B rank mission. Now how about you just tell me why you are waking me up at two o'clock in the morning?"

I looked down guiltily and wrote on my new pad. _I couldn't sleep… Every time I close my eyes I have nightmares…_

"Calista, you aren't a child. You are 13 and too old to wake up someone for nightmares." He scolded.

I felt my heart drop and looked down with shame and guilt. I heard Asuma sigh and place a hand on my shoulder. I held up my pad again. _Can't I sleep with you?_

Asuma lifted an eyebrow. "Calista, aren't you too old f-"

He was cut off by my pad in his face. _Just for tonight! Please?_

He rolled his eyes and I knew I had won. "Fine, just this night though ok?"

I grinned and put my pad down, already getting under the covers. He shook his head and followed. I silently giggled at his annoyed expression and snuggled in further. It was slightly intimidating to be sleeping next to an attractive older male who was shirtless, but I forced the thoughts like that aside for sleep to take their place. For some reason being snuggled next to Asuma allowed me to fall back asleep without any more nightmares

~*V*~

I woke up in Asuma's bed. He was gone, probably to report to the Hokage for a mission or to go talk to his team. I snuggled into the warm spot that he left and watched the sun rising from the horizon. It was going to be a good day. No, it was going to be a good week, month, and year. It was a good fresh start in a new life.

I crawled out of the bad and through the window, until I back into my own room. I held onto the present Asuma gave me tightly before releasing it to put it on my nightstand. I grinned some more as I got back in my own bed. I could use another half hour of sleep before I had to get up.

I had just shut my eyes when there was a knock on my bedroom door, three knocks.

The door opened, revealing Sasuke. He stepped inside and shut and locked the door behind him. I sat up, brushing some hair out of my eyes. I reached for my brand new pad. _Why are you here?_

"To see you. Talk to you." He stated.

I tilted my head but made no attempt to move as he walked over to me and sat on the bed next to me. It took a long moment before he finally said anything. He sighed and spun around, placing his hands on either of my shoulders. I tilted my head to the side again.

"Gaara. What did you two do in the hot springs?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

I sweatdropped and rolled my eyes. _You are overreacting. We only did what was necessary for the mission._

"And what was that? Did he touch you?" Sasuke growled low.

_Of course. How else would we have convinced the spy otherwise?_

His grip on my shoulders tightened slightly and I frowned. I sat up more, letting the blanket fall to my lap. I had a nightgown on so I didn't think it mattered much. "Where? Where did he touch you?"

I froze, blushing, and tried to move his arms from my shoulders. Sasuke wouldn't budge. I sighed in defeat. _My arms…_

"Where else?" He growled.

My face burned. _My lips…_

He glared at my lips. I almost giggled. "Where else? Anywhere else?"

I hesitated and picked up the pen again, erasing what I had written previously. _My neck and stuff._

Sasuke took the pad out of my hands and moved it to the side. He moved a hand from my shoulder to the back of my neck and looked at the marks. "He kissed you?"

I reluctantly nodded and almost as soon as I had tilted my head Sasuke's lips crashed down on mine. I widened my eyes but they slowly started to close as I relaxed. His hand on my shoulder moved to the wall and he positioned his body so that he as hovering over me. I shivered.

His mouth gently sucked on my bottom lip as if asking to be let in. I obliged. His tongue entered my mouth and I didn't even try to fight for dominance. I let him suck on my tongue and couldn't help but mutely moan into it. Sasuke smirked and after a few more seconds he broke the kiss for a much needed break for air. He looked at my neck.

"Did he kiss you here?" He set his fingers against one of the love bites. I nodded. He bent back over me and his tongue darted out, licking from the base of my neck to under my ear. I shivered and felt a weird hear rise in me. I swallowed hard to suppress it but it wouldn't go away.

"You're getting turned on by this aren't you?" Sasuke smirked. I blushed deep red and wondered if that was what was happening. I had heard of it but I thought it was something only guys got. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

Sasuke let out a small chuckle and nibbled on my bottom lip."You're cute."

I turned my head to the side, breaking the kiss with a pout. Sasuke chuckled and it made me slightly mad. I didn't like how he was treating me like I was a little kid or something.

"It was a compliment." He smirked, sitting up a little to look me over. I blushed but refused to look at him.

Sasuke brought his hand to my face and turned my head to face him. I obeyed it but still didn't look him in the eyes, pouting despite the heat rising in my body.

"You are innocent. That's what I like most about you." He mumbled as he captured my lips again. I couldn't stay mad at him and found myself kissing him back. Before I could ask permission to enter his mouth though, he broke the kiss.

"Did he see you naked?" Sasuke asked catching me offguard. I swallowed hard, once again wondering if I should lie. "Did he see you without a towel?"

I swallowed hard and nodded, looking away in slight shame. I felt like I had done something wrong. Sasuke just looked me over again before furrowing his eyebrows.

~Lime start~

"I want to see too." He murmured so low I almost didn't catch it. I raised an eyebrow and looked up at him.

"It isn't fair that he got to see. I want to see too." He murmured a little louder with a blush as he reached for the blanket.

My mouth was open wide with shock that Sasuke would ask me something like that. He took my moment of frozen shock and pulled the covers off of me, exposing me in my nightgown. The cold air blowing against my skin knocked me out of it.

I shook my head with a frown. He reached for the edge of my nightgown and I shoved his hands away with a very vivid blush. It wasn't that I didn't want him to see me or didn't like him… I felt something for him but I was afraid that he wouldn't like how I looked or that he would find my body strange. Sure, I didn't have the strange markings on my body as I had around my eyes but… I was self conscious as any other girl would be.

"Calista let me see you… I want to see you."

I shivered at the tone in his voice. I wanted to but was still afraid. I reached over for my pad and scribbled down a single word.

"Why? Why wouldn't I? You are beautiful after all. And… I like you a little bit…" He looked away with a scowl.

I felt my heart skip a beat. That was the closest that I was going to get to him admitting he really liked me. I blushed and set the pad back down. He took that hint and reached back for the corner of my nightgown. I didn't stop him.

He moved it up slowly, almost teasing himself. Inching it up slowly until it was time to bring it over my head and I was left laying there in nothing but a pair of white underwear and a white bra with blue trim. He cast the nightgown aside and then sat back, looking over my body, taking it all in. I suddenly felt extremely nervous and wrapped my hands around myself, hiding my stomach from his view.

He smirked and took my hands, moving them away. I didn't resist his grip. Sasuke moved his hands and snaked them across my stomach, satisfied when I shivered again. His hands moved up and to the edge of my bra. He traced a finger along the clasp in the front and then unhooked it, bringing it down and to the sides before slipping it off of me and discarding it like he had the nightgown.

His hands started reaching down for my underwear but I put a hand on his forearm stopping him. I suddenly felt bolder than before, and did not like being exposed like this with nothing in return. Taking advantage to my lust-filled-high, I put my other hand on his chest and he took the hint. In seconds his jacket and shirt were gone. I bit my lip at what I saw.

I finally understood why all the girls were after him. He was handsome. Sure, I thought that Naruto was better looking, but this man was definitely attractive. I swallowed.

"Like what you see?" He asked. At the same time his hands moved down to his pants. He swiftly removed them and then stood there in front of me with nothing but his boxers.

I couldn't help it. I nodded and that encouraged a chuckle from him. He grabbed my hips and slipped my underwear off of them completely. His piercing gaze struck me like a hammer. I closed my eyes and looked away.

They opened with a gasp when I felt him grinding against me. He was doing such a weird thing. I would have frowned if I hadn't had to close my eyes with concentration and trying to will the weird warmth to go away. I finally understood what this warmth was caused by. It was right now due to him grinding against me.

"You really are getting turned on by this." Sasuke remarked. I shook my head.

He ignored it. "Where else did he touch you?"

The question caught me off guard but I opened my eyes just enough to see his face. I knew what he was talking about now.

"Did he touch you here?" He asked, his hand hovering over my breast. I hesitated but in my not-so-clear state I told the truth and nodded.

I felt Sasuke's member harden even more. He grabbed my breast gently and yet with a firm grip. I let out a mute gasp and reached into his hand. He liked that reaction. "I will erase his touch." Sasuke snarled almost possessively.

I honestly did not care if he was pulling his possessive act, but something in his tone seemed darker. Then again, everything about him was turning darker lately. I pushed that aside to think about once this was all done. For now I closed my eyes and let the feelings poses me as he grinded his clothed member against me and massaged my breasts with both hands. I knew that we were too young for this but…

"Did he touch you anywhere else?" Sasuke nearly broke the trance. I nodded me head. He stopped grinding against me and massaging me and sat back a little. He moved down on the bed and kneeled in front of my legs.

"Did he touch you here?" He took my hips in his hands and spread my legs. I squirmed in embarrassment but he ignored it. "Answer me."

I didn't stop squirming but I nodded. Sasuke bent down closer, his hands on my hips starting to move up slowly. I felt as if I would explode with embarrassment. He was looking at me! What If I looked weird down there? What If I had something abnormal or was disappointing altogether…

"Beautiful." He mumbled as he brought his face closer. I squirmed more and Sasuke looked up at me. He had a glint in his eyes that made me swallow hard. I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering wha-

My thoughts were cut off swiftly and replaced by a sensation I had not felt before. His tongue had just snaked out and did something very weird. It licked me. I would have moaned had I the voice. Instead my mouth remained slightly parted with silent sounds.

"You're already wet." He observed. I had no idea what that meant but… If he did that again I would lose it. Not that I wanted him to do it again. Did I? Maybe I did…

I buried my face in my hands due to embarrassment.

"Do you like this?" Sasuke asked as his tongue darted out and licked me again. I squirmed more vehemently. I could only picture his smirk.

Next he took his hands and spread me open. Even that was enough to make my face burn along with my body. I was still new to this. He moved his head down again, his tongue licked me again, but this time focused on my nub. I didn't know that it was possible to do something like this, to feel like this. He teased it with his tongue and I felt my legs shake.

"Calista…" Sasuke moaned, removing his mouth from me and sitting up. Moved over to sit next to me and surprised me by picking me up and placing me on his lap facing away. "Trust me with what we are about to do ok?"

I absentmindedly nodded, feeling his erection pressing against me. He slowly pushed me forward, making me lean over. He laid back and spread my legs so I was straddling him backwards He wrapped his arms around my legs and pulled me back, forcing me to lean forward as he brought my butt up to his face.

It was almost too much to take, all the feelings burning me up inside. I clutched his boxer shorts as his tongue began to work on me once more. This was happening to fast. What if someone walked in? No, he had locked the door. Did he lock it because he knew this would happen? Was he planning all of this?

My soon-turning-sour thoughts were halted swiftly as he nudged me more earnestly, exploring more of me. I closed my eyes tight, reopening them when he interred his tongue into me. It was too much and the unfamiliar pressure inside of me was becoming too much for me.

"Relax and let it all go." Sasuke said, sounding like he knew what he was doing. I didn't know if that was true, but it made me feel better being able to think that. I didn't know what he meant by letting it go, but at the same time I did. This pressure.

I finally understood what he meant moments later when the pent up warmth was release in a tingling, almost painfully pleasuring release. I bit my bottom lip, breathing hard. Sasuke brought his mouth away and rubbed me gently with his hand. I closed my eyes, trying to regain myself.

Sasuke started rubbing a little more earnestly again and I couldn't believe it. Was it possible to feel that sort of thing again? It felt good but… was it even possible? My eyes shot open and I was confronted by a bulge in his pants.

I stared at it for a minute, unsure what to do. Gaara had never explained the mechanisms of these sorts of things. I had no idea what to do but… perhaps I was supposed to do what Sasuke was doing? Would he want that or would he think I was weird and then avoid me?

I hesitantly reached out and brushed my hand against it. His hand shook slightly and I took that as a positive reaction. I allowed myself to rest completely on his chest. Pulling down his boxers I bit my bottom lip staring at his… thing.

"Calista… Do you know what you're doing?" Sasuke whispered voice heavy with lust. I realized that I had made the right choice. He wanted this. Instead of bothering getting my pad and responding that way, I gripped him in my hands with newfound determination. I rubbed it, trying to judge his reactions. They were positive in the least. I closed my eyes and allowed emotion to take over as I took him into my mouth. I followed instincts and let myself be consumed by the feeling of his fingers tracing and inserting inside of me while I moved my head back and down.

I don't know how long that continued, as my sense of time was probably warped with my lust. Eventually the pressure from before was back and stronger. I hissed, sending the vibrations onto him. It came closer and closer before it was finally threatening to burst.

He pushed on a certain spot inside of me and without anything further ado, I clenched around his hands, releasing. He groaned loudly and took his free hand, putting it on the back of my head and pushing it down to the base. I widened my eyes, but did not fight him.

"C-calista…" Sasuke groaned. Then it came and I made a silent yelp as something hot and bitter shot into my mouth. I instinctively swallowed it. I came up off of him and looked at him with bafflement. His eyes were shut as he panted slightly.

"Calista. That was amazing…."

I blushed and sat up and got off of him. I felt awkward, not knowing what I was supposed to do. He opened his eyes and sat up. He reached out and pulled me against his chest. "Thank you."

I frowned, not sure what he meant. He looked up at me and saw my confusion. He did not elaborate on what he meant though. I suddenly had an image of a pink haired girl in my mind. I pulled away from him and reached for my pad.

_Sasuke, what are we?_

He stared at the pad with a frown. "I do believe they call this sort of relationship 'lovers'"

I blushed, wanting to drop it, happy now that I knew Sasuke felt something for me, just as I was beginning to feel for him. However, there was something that was bothering me. There was one girl who loved him more than me.

_I feel like I am betraying Sakura…_

He read it and his eyebrows furrowed more. He took the pad out of my hands and wrapped his around my shoulders, pulling me against him once more. "Don't think about that. Let's get dressed. Asuma will probably be here to check on you soon."

I watched him get up and dress. I had a nagging feeling in my stomach. I reached out and grabbed the hem of his shirt as he turned to go. He turned and looked back at me. He grabbed my hand with his and I felt it shake a little. Worry creased my brow. I didn't understand what was wrong with him lately, but I would wait for him to tell me.

He squeezed my hand and bent down; placing a kiss on my lips that was gentle, yet spoke so much to me. "Thank you…" He murmured once more. I released his hand and watched him walk to the door, where he looked back once before disappearing.

Deciding that I still needed to wait for him to trust me enough to rely on me, I reluctantly got up. I let Kiyo in from the living room and bathed and dressed. Afterwards I kissed Kiyo and headed out. Asuma met me outside the room. He grinned down at me. "Morning sleepyhead! It's nearly noon. You slept for quite some time."

I looked down sheepishly. Asuma just laughed and began walking away. "How about I take you out for some lunch and then we can train a little?" He proposed.

A grin lit up my face and I ran to catch up with the laughing man. All worries of Sasuke nearly forgotten.


	16. Cyclamen

I was exhausted. After taking me out for some fruit and vegetables, we headed directly to the training ground. Asuma and Shikaku never went easy on me when they trained me. To my surprise, Jiraiya had taken part as well. That had pleased me, as I was rather fond of him. All that was missing was Naruto and Sasuke and I would be complete. I couldn't have everything though…and I wasn't even sure that the Sasuke I knew was the one I liked anymore. Sure, I had only known him for a few months but…

I really had grown to like him. He brought out feelings in me that I never would have imagined myself feeling for anyone other than Gaara. I had to thank Sasuke someday for that. If it wasn't for him I might not have recovered as well or became so strong.

When we were all done, I was surprised to see Kakashi approaching me. It was getting dark out and I was getting a little drowsy due to the days events. It wasn't as hard or as vigorous as I usually trained, but doing it right after the mission with the bandits had taken a toll.

Kakashi stood outside a shop. He nodded to me and I walked over to him. "Calista. I have been meaning to talk to you." He drawled in his usual lazy tone, but there was an underlining emotion I couldn't read.

I tilted my head.

"It's Sasuke. Has he been acting any different around you?"

I realized the seriousness of this, but I never guessed that his behavior had grabbed Kakashi's attention enough to have him ask me. _Sasuke has been… _I hesitated, thinking of it. He had been acting odd lately. He wasn't smiling as much, not even smirking. He… he had become more grim. The look in his eyes, they were to cruel now. And they were driven. There would be times when I wouldn't even recognize them. I knew what was driving him was his revenge. His reason for living. He was becoming consumed with it; it scared me more and more each day to feel him slipping away.

_He has been acting colder lately. His eyes are changing… They look like Gaara's. _I explained. He lifted an eyebrow.

"I have heard something like that before… but nevertheless. Today he attacked Naruto with his chidori. The two could have killed eachother. It is a lot to ask, but as one of the only people he trusts and likes, I want you to watch him closely. If he tries to leave the village, I want you to use force to stop him. You're power will balance his out. Can you do this Calista?" Kakashi was looking sternly into my eyes. "Consider this a B rank mission."

I hesitated, feeling a fear in my gut. He attacked Naruto? I had noticed the resentment in his eyes. Naruto was getting stronger, nearly surpassing Sasuke. I never thought it had gone so far though… To attack your own teammate to the point where one could be seriously injured? Like an enemy? That was too much.

I nodded nonetheless. If he tried to leave? I repeated that over in my mind. Would he really? Would he leave Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura or… me?

"I am glad you understand Calista." Kakashi didn't even have to speak the apology verbally, it was in his eyes.

"Calista!" I turned my head sharply. Naruto and Sakura were walking my way. Naruto had been the one to call out to me. I grinned.

"Remember my words Calista." Kakashi spoke and then vanished in a poof. A shadow clone.

I sighed and walked over to my two friends. Sakura seemed a little quieter than usual. Naruto was as obnoxious as always. "I'm taking Sakura out for a date!"

I raised an eyebrow, amazed that Sakura would let him get away with that. Naruto was grinning while Sakura had a slightly pained smile on her face. I furrowed my eyebrows. Everyone was so uptight lately, so tense. At least Naruto didn't have any injuries on him at the moment.

_Have fun then! _I wrote, feigning ignorance and waving them by.

"Oh we will!" Naruto yelled, walking past me.

I watched them disappear into Naruto's favorite place: Ichiraku's. Once they were gone I retreated back to my room with a small smile. Maybe they really were going on a date? I knew it was selfish, but I was hoping that they would get together and then maybe I could get together with Sasuke? Then everyone would be happy.

I entered my room and lay on the bed. Kiyo waddled up to my feet and whined. I raised an eyebrow him, wondering what was wrong. Was he feeling it to? The gut wrenching premonition that was so apparent.

I picked him up, and scratched him behind the ears and then walked over to my window. Sasuke's room was two rooms down. I thought about visiting him to see how he felt. Something in my gut just didn't sit right. After a minute I decided that I would give him some space.

I walked into the kitchen, and noticed an apple on the table. A sour green one, which was one of my favorite fruits. I smiled, knowing that Sasuke probably left it. Asuma always left raspberries or jerky, and Sasuke had left me an apple before when I was hungry and it was all he had. It was out food. I grinned. Next thing I knew we were going to be getting a song.

Picking the fruit up gingerly, I bit into it greedily and savored the flavors. It had a odd tang to it, but that was probably the type. Kiyo growled, causing me to frown. He must just be sensing the emotions. I walked back over to the window. That was when I saw him. Sasuke was walking away. I at first thought that he was going for a walk to clear his head, but then noticed the pack on his back. I hesitated. It couldn't be… Kakashi couldn't be right…

I took one more bite of the nearly finished apple and set Kiyo and it down on the table. Kiyo immediately went over to sniff the apple, which made me curious but I brushed it aside as nothing

. I climbed out of my window and walked after Sasuke, keeping my presence hidden. I realized where he was headed.

The gate.

I was about to intervene when he spoke up. "It's the middle of the night. What are you hanging around _here _for?"

At first I was convinced he was talking to me, but that was before a very feminine voice rang out. I widened my eyes. Sakura!

"This is the only road… out of the village."

I watched with a pain in my heart at the encounter. She spilled her heart out to him in a monologue that I wondered… If I had made it to Gaara if he would have stayed. But he just brushed her aside. I could see the tears, could feel the pain that was on her face. I realized it now that she loved him more than I could. This departure... it reminded me of when Gaara and I split up. Biting my lip and looking away, the memories were hard to suppress.

I wanted him to listen to her, to hear what was in her heart and to understand!

But he didn't listen. "I knew it. I'm not the same as you. I'm traveling a path the rest of you can't follow. I know that the four of us have worked together, and for a while, I thought that the four of us could work together. But in the end... I have decided on revenge, that's always been my reason for living. I will never be like you and Naruto."

"Don't do this Sasuke! You don't have to be alone. You told me that day how painful a thing solitude can be. I understand that pain now. I have a family and friends. But if you were gone Sasuke, it would be the same thing for me as being all alone! " She begged.

"This is a new beginning. Each of us has a new path lying before us."

"Sasuke! I am so in love with you I can't even stand it! If you would only be with me. I promise I would never let you regret it! Every day would be a joy. I can give you happiness. I will do anything for you Sasuke! So please I am begging you! Don't walk away! I will even help you get your revenge! I'll do whatever it takes to make it happen! I swear. Just stay here with me and if you can't... then take me with you Sasuke."

My heart crumbled at her words. She really did love him that much… But if that crumbled my heart, Sasuke's response shattered the pieces left.

"You haven't changed: You're still annoying."

I was taken aback by his cruel response. She was pouring out her heart to him and… even Gaara would not be that cruel to me.

"Don't leave me! If you go I'll scream and-"

She was cut off as he disappeared and reappeared behind her. Even I was surprised at his speed.

"Sakura..." His voice was gentle, sad. "Thank you for everything."

And then she fell forward, mumbling his name. I felt a tear slip out of my eye. He gently picked her up and set her on the bench.

I took this as my cue to step out. I was feeling extremely tired, more so than before. I shook my head and picked up a small pebble. I chucked it at his head.

He spun around and caught it with a nimble movement. His eyes widened slightly, seeing me. Then they narrowed. "You too? Are you here to confess your undying love for me as well? I won't stay even for you Calista. And I know that even if I asked, you would never come with me. Not with your precious Asuma here. " His tone turned bitter, even more than when he was talking to Sakura.

I frowned, my vision swayed slightly. Due to exhaustion I figured.. I wrote on my pad_. Sasuke, why? Do I mean that little to you? I thought we were lovers._

"_Lovers_? You really believed all that Calista. You were nothing but a pretty trinket that I wanted to use as decoration." He sneered. His words stung, but I didn't think he meant them. He was being cold on purpose. He was pushing me away.

_Sasuke why? You are becoming like Gaara used to be… you are only hurting yourself... you are hurting me! _

"Sacrifices need to be made."

I narrowed my eyes. _I will stop you if I have to Sasuke. I really liked you. You showed me what it meant to feel for someone. You showed me how to do things that I didn't know existed. Because of that I will repay you by stopping you from making the biggest mistake of your life. _I showed him the pad. I found myself leaning to one side. I shook myself, not understanding why I was feeling so drowsy.

"Stop me? You can't call out to anyone can you? I heard Asuma and Shikaku talking about what happened. It must be frustrating. Not even able to call out when you need help. I could attack you right now and nobody could come and save you." His words were rude, uncalled for. He walked over to me. He placed a hand on my waist and held me close against his body. I felt my eyes drop but not with lust. I was so tired. He placed his mouth near my ear and kissed my neck. "I could take you right now and you couldn't even make a noise."

I felt my heart beat, an unnatural tinge of fear placed in my heart.

"No, you would try to fight me. You would use force to stop me. And unlike Sakura, you might actually pose a small threat. However, I took some measures to keep that from happening. You ate it didn't you?"

I snapped my eyes open again. The apple? Sasuke wouldn't have… he…. he drugged me?

"You realize it don't you?" He had a deep frown on his face. I was beginning to sway too far to the side. The way he was holding onto me was really the only think keeping me standing.

"Get stronger in case we meet again." He placed his forehead against mine and I made a last attempt to make a hand sign, anything to stop him. He only grabbed both of my wrists with his free hand and pinned them above my head. It didn't matter, my limbs felt unnaturally heavy. I couldn't move them.

"You gave me a day I will remember. Grow beautiful and don't let anyone else touch you." He whispered. He pressed his lips against mine in a deep kiss that held more passion than any before it. In it he spoke, letting all the words he had yet to say flow through them. It held the same feelings as this morning. An unspoken apology, fear, feelings of love, and above all regret.

The feelings of his rough lips on my soft ones, his body fitting perfectly against mine own, and his onyx eyes looking into my soul was the last thing I remembered before my vision went black.


	17. Orange Mock

I opened my eyes; the worried face of Asuma was hovering over me. The walls behind him were white. The lace smelled of antiseptic. I blinked several times. A hospital? Wh-

I bolted upright as fast as I could. Sasuke! I looked to Asuma with wide eyes and my hand flung up to my lips. He… had he… was he back…? I…

"Calista... Calm down." Asuma tried to reach out for me.

I shook him off and bolted upright. I made to jump out of the bed but to my surprise, as soon as I made contact with the floor, an extreme wave of exhaustion hit me. My legs gave way and I collapsed, immobile into Asuma's arms. I tried to push myself up, but my body was suddenly extremely heavy.

"Calista…" Asuma whispered, picking me up bridal style and gently laying me back in the bed. "The poison in your system is too strong. Your body is still fighting it and it's likely you won't be able to do much more than blink and eat and maybe write for the next week and a half."

I widened my eyes. It was that strong? I looked to the pad besides my bed with meaning. Asuma nodded and picked it up. He put the pen in my hand and held the pad for me to write. _Sasuke? Naruto? Sakura?_

Asuma frowned. "You have been in bed unconscious for two days. The Hokage has sent a squad to retrieve Sasuke. Led by Shikamaru, It consists of Naruto, Neji, Shino, Kiba and Akamaru and Choji."

I relaxed slightly, sure that they would be able to do their job. I felt a few tears threatening to spill over. He really left… I wasn't enough to keep Gaara with me, and now Sasuke? It was almost too much…

"Don't worry; we will be able to retrieve him. You just spend this time resting."

I nodded my head slowly; there was nothing I could do like I was now. I would trust Naruto to bring him back. He would... I knew he would…

I let my head fall back on the pillow. I smiled at Asuma before drifting off into sleep once more.

~*V*~

The next time I awoke, it was Kiyo licking my face and Asuma shaking me. I looked at him quizzically. He looked down with a solemn expression. "I am sorry. The mission failed Calista. Neji and Choji are in critical condition but the rest are ok. I know what Sasuke meant to you. I am sorry Calista…"

"Yes, it is unfortunate." Jiraiya joined in from the window. I felt my heart sink even more. This wasn't right. I clutched a hand over my heart. How could they have failed? Shikamaru was smarter than me, Naruto was stronger, and Neji was faster, Shino was stealthier, Kiba and Akamaru had better senses, and Choji had a kinder heart. How could they have failed? Who could have put Choji and Neji in a critical condition? Had Sasuke fallen that far as to allow his comrades to nearly die? What If they did not make it?

"Calista. Give up on Sasuke. It should be easier for you, you don't know him as well as the other two did." Jiraiya said sternly. I tried to push myself up. Asuma helped me to lean against the wall.

I bit my bottom lip and glared.

"Don't give me that look. I am only saying this for your own sake. I know the pain of chasing after someone who doesn't want to come back… and I am pretty sure you do too. You know what it feels like to be unwanted, to chase after someone who you once thought of as your best friend. Someone who no longer cares about you. The disappointment when you finally realize it."

His words stung my heart. He was right though. I had chased after someone who had only maimed and destroyed me… I had chased after Gaara. It had been foolish and I realized that now.

"Jiraiya you went too far with that." Asuma scolded the pervy sage. I clutched my hands together and said nothing, still thinking it over in my mind. Was it worth waiting for Sasuke to return? Was it worth the hope?

"She needs to hear it Asuma. You are too soft on her. She is a ninja, not some teenage girl."

"She is both! She is a teenage girl who was thrust into this unforgiving world because of you. Who has killed because of this place. Don't you think she should be eased into this world slower? You took her from her safe little hut and you are trying to turn her into a killing machine! Do you want her to join Root?"

"Safe little hut? If I had left her out there, she would have died. Even if she had survived and made it back to her former house, do you think she would have lived for much longer? You read the report! He maimed her without batting an eye just because she didn't kiss him back! What do you think he would have done if he was actually angry! What else would you have me do Asuma? If she stays soft like this, if she continues to let everyone into her heart she will be destroyed by this world. Civilization is cruel. It destroys the weak without mercy."

I refused to look at either of them. He had a point, but not one I was ready to admit made any sense. I couldn't break it to my heart that he was right… Gaara may have killed me if I stayed. His eyes had changed but before he met Naruto… he may have.

"Jiraiya. I can see you care about Calista as much as I do but… She is still young. She needs more time to adapt She has been here no more than 5 months. More importantly, she's still a young girl who had a crush on Sasuke. You saw with your own eyes what they had together. Think of how she must feel. She was abandoned twice. One left her maimed and the other poisoned and unable to move." Asuma spoke, his voice gentle.

I didn't like how I was being talked about as if I was weak. I glared at my hands, not able to do much more. I couldn't even reach for my pad because I had no strength.

They stared at eachother for a moment longer before Jiraiya sighed. "Asuma, I'll trust you with her. If she doesn't become stronger soon though, you know that she will be crushed."

"I understand. Leave it to Shikaku and I."

"One more thing… Calista?"

I looked up at Jiraiya. He placed a hand on my shoulder. "In a few months, I plan on leaving with Naruto. After we leave though, I want you to get ready to go too. If you accept, I want you to take the next round of chunnin exams and then go on a two year trip with Asuma to train like Naruto and I will be doing."

He was leaving? Would I see them again? What if something happened? Sasuke was still out there! They should be focusing on finding him not this!

"Don't give me that sad look Calista."

I looked down at my hands again.

"We need to get you and Naruto stronger. Naruto because there are a few people after him and you because… "

I furrowed my eyebrows with curiosity.

"Give me some more time to get all the details. We have been looking into your past and some unusual stuff has come up. Calista, did you ever show any signs of having a Kekkei Genkai? Or any strange chakra? A type of chakra that doesn't coincide to the elements? Its important you tell us if you do."

I widened my eyes and shook my head. I never showed any signs at all of a Kekkei Genkai. Well… except for- no. That was just a freak accident. I was positive that I didn't have one. Let alone a type of unnatural chakra.

"I see… I need to look more into this. For now, I think it is best that you two prepare to leave to train. Are you willing to do this?"

A million questions plagued my mind, but I trusted Jiraiya and Asuma to know what was best right now. I would be foolish to refuse their orders. I closed my eyes for a minute before slowly nodding.

"Good. We will have you go away for two years to train with Asuma, leaving after the chunnin exams which will be held in a few months. You will be turning fourteen a week after them right? Therefore you will be gone until you are nearly 16. Do you understand?" Jiraiya placed a hand on my shoulder.

I felt it right then. For the first time since I was little, I felt the urge. I wanted to get stronger. I wanted to become as strong as Asuma and Sasuke. I wanted to rival Naruto and wouldn't let Sakura beat me.

I looked up with a determined expression. They both smiled. Asuma smiled gently.

"Be careful out there Calista. Well, Later. "He stood up inside of the room and walked towards the door. I reached out, grabbing his shirt.

He looked back with a lifted eyebrow. I tugged on his shirt with as much strength as I could manage. He took the hint and bent over, allowing me to wrap my arms around his neck in a hug. The tears finally spilt over. I moved my head and kissed him on both cheeks.

"Later Calista."

I sat back, exhausted. I tried to process it all. First I lose Gaara, then the Hokage. I allow myself to feel something for Sasuke and then he leaves. Now two people I am closest too are also leaving in a few months. Afterwards I will be leaving myself until I turn 16. It is all too much….

"Get some rest and process it all, ok Calista? I will stay with you while you sleep." Asuma smiled softly. I realized he had been with me the entire time and smiled back at him, falling asleep feeling safe. I always felt safe with Asuma there.

~*V*~

four days later Naruto barged into my room. It was early but I was already awake. I was still unable to stand, but I could move my arms and torso pretty well. The Hokage said my body was warding the poison off at a good rate.

The blond barged in, receiving a frown from Asuma, who still rarely left my side.

"Calista! I wanted to see you earlier but the damn doctors wouldn't let me out of my bed! I heal really fast though!" He hollered, jumping up and wrapping his arms around my neck.

I smiled with a silent laugh. Naruto always managed to make me happy.

"Yeah! I told them I needed to get out there and Bring Sasuke back!"

I felt an odd pang in my heart at his words.

"Don't worry Calista! I promised Sakura I would bring him back and I never go back on my word! That's my ninja way! And when I get him back, I will beat him up nice and good for doing this to you! The bastard! I can't believe he would actually try to poison you. Grandma Tsunade said it wasn't lethal, just something to paralyze. Still… the bastard. Ima beat his ass for sure!" He pulled back, giving a thumbs-up. I smiled sadly at him.

"_Thank you_" I mouthed.

"Hey Asuma, can I talk to Calista alone?" Naruto suddenly dropped the smile and turned serious.

Asuma raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Why do you want to be alone with her…"

Naruto scrunched up his face. "Don't worry Asuma. I ain't gonna make a move on her. I am not a pervert like you. Jiraiya told m-" He was cut off by a flower vase hitting him in the face

"Why! Why do they all assume I- Oh god!" Asuma complained, walking out the door and disappearing.

Despite my muted laughter, I felt bad for Asuma, always being accused of being a pervert. I was starting to believe he may really be one for everyone to tease him so much.

"What happened between you and Sasuke?" Naruto had recovered and his voice was serious, his expression sad. He sat beside me on the bad and handed me my pad.

I hesitated, not sure what I should say. I decided the truth was best. _We were together. I know it was unfair to Sakura but I liked him… I am sorry Naruto._

He clenched his fists. "That Bastard!" He hit it against the wall. I flinched. "That bastard! How could he do that! He doesn't even realize what he has. He doesn't realize that Orochimaru is using him."

I didn't know much of the details, nor did I really want to know. I looked out the window. The sun was finally over the horizon. People were walking through the streets. Ino was walking out the front door, probably after an early visit to Lee. Gai sensei was walking in. Sakura was walking besides lady Tsunade. They were all in their own little world.

"Calista?" Naruto asked, waving a hand in front of my face. I smiled up sheepishly.

"Can you tell me what happened? With your voice I mean..."

_Bandits._ I scribbled. I felt bad for lying to him…

"What really happened? I may be stupid but I know you're lying." He scolded. I bit my bottom lip and decided that it was time. Naruto deserved my trust.

_It is a long story…_

"We have time." He shrugged.

I nodded my head and started from the beginning.

_When I was younger I don't remember much. I remember a room and someone racing the design around my eyes. I remember pain. Then I remember a lot of red. I remember running through the snow and forest and then sand. There was a lot of sand. Then I remember finding a small cottage that nobody used. I think I was around… 6 or 7. My sense of time is a little off but it was sometime around there. I had been there or only a week. I was starving and then I looked on the porch and there was a basket of bread_

_At first I thought I was hallucinating. But I took it anyways. I ate it. When I went to go and place the basket on the front porch again, there was a red headed boy the same age as me. His name was Gaara. We became good friends and would se eachother every night for years. He was everything to me, and the only glimpse of civilization I knew. I loved him as a brother._

_But then… he started changing. He turned darker, his eyes filled with hatred. I slowly fell in love with him though. I suppose it is only to be expected, him being the only person I knew._

_But a few months ago… he grew darker. One day we were lying on the grass like normal. But something happened. He snapped. His sand attacked me. I was stuck in one of his sand coffin's…_

"What! He- I saw one of those and there… are-" I put up my pat in his face to cut him off.

_He had let me go eventually, and I could tell he was sorry. He apologized and I tried to tell him it was ok but, I couldn't make a sound. Blood came out instead of words. I must have had such a shocked look on my face. He misread it and... He disappeared. I knew he wasn't coming back so I ran away. I collapsed and that was when Jiraiya found me. Trauma to the front throat is what the doctors he took me to tell me. He crushed it beyond repair._

I set down the pad and watched Naruto's reaction. He was glaring. "Does he know that he is responsible for this?"

I shook my head fervently. _No. I told him it was bandits… _

"What an asshole…" Naruto mumbled. "I need to go and check on some things so… later Calista. Oh and Gaara, Temari and Kankuro are here. They helped out with the mission. They will probably be here for a good three months is what Grandma Tsunade said."

He left me with that bit of information and I widened my eyes. They were here? Should I see them? Would they want to see me?

"Don't even think about it." Asuma said, walking over to my bedside. "You can't even sit up by yourself. You are in no condition to go running around trying to find someone."

I huffed but knew he was right. Sticking out my tongue I lay back down with his help and closed my eyes.

"Such a child…" He murmured as I fell asleep.


	18. Lavender Heather

Within a week I was able to walk again. A few days after that and I was able to return home. I was a little fatigued, but was able to start training regularly a week after that. The nightmares came more and more often, so I had ended up sleeping with Asuma despite his protests.

Asuma and Shikaku spent more and more time with me outside as well. During training and even taking me out to eat often. Jiraiya as well. All three of them were acting oddly protective of me.

"_Calista, did you ever show any signs of having a Kekkei Genkai? Or any strange chakra? A type of chakra that doesn't coincide to the elements?"_

What Jiraiya had said haunted me. I only had wind and water chakra… right? There were only wind, water, fire, earth and lightning. Ice was a mixture of wind and water. Wood was combining water and earth. There was tailed beast chakra, but I was sure I didn't have that. I also had heard of a type of chakra used by monks, Asuma had told me about that. I wasn't a monk though.

Shikaku had told me once of a chakra called dark chakra that could be formed from the evil in ones heart. He also spoke of one that came from frogs and said that Jiraiya could use that. He said it was really strong. I didn't have any evil thoughts, nor did I know any frogs.

That ruled out every possibility.

But… there was one jutsu that I had used before that Gaara told me to never speak of to anyone. I hadn't done it on purpose, I had discovered it myself. I shook my head. No, that wasn't anything special. It was just…

It was silly what I had done. I made an animal. It sounds weird and it was. I had just been lying there, thinking about nothing really. I was trying to think up different jutsu and a random thought popped into my head. I thought about a little pink animal that would be furry and would have a beak. Would be palm sized too and with green eyes. Fooling around, I did a hand seal while imagining it vividly. It appeared in front of me. It was alive to, but only for a few seconds before it went rigid. I cried over it and then Gaara had came and told me to never tell anyone. He was upset with me too.

I never saw it as important before, and so I had forgotten about it. But what if that had something to do with what he spoke about?

I shook my head. That was a fluke. Probably some water type jutsu or genjutsu that I accidentally performed. You can't just make something out of nothing and then put life into it. There was no such chakra or Kekkei Genkai in any book I read.

"Calista!" Sakura called out.

I was sitting on the ground on the training grounds. I was sweaty and hot, having just finished a really intense training session with Asuma. He had just left too. I was glad for the alone time, the unguarded alone time. I guess I had been pushing my luck.

I pushed myself up. I nodded my head to Sakura.

"How is your training?" She asked.

_Difficult. _I wrote on Asuma's gift.

"Ah! I bet. My training is a real pain too! Tsunade doesn't go easy on me but… If I can just have a fraction of her skill…"

I nodded my head in understanding. That was how I felt with Jiraiya and Shikaku and Asuma. I just wanted to reach them…

"Hey, do you want to get some dinner with me? I'm starving." The ink haired girl offered. Having nothing better to do, I nodded again.

"Great! Though… oh well, your outfit's fine." She shrugged, grabbing my hand and pulling me away.

I frowned, looking down at my outfit. I saw what she meant. My fishnet shirt had a long tear in it from an attack I barely avoided from Asuma. Granted of course that nearly cutting my chest binding off had resulted in Jiraiya laughing and calling him a pervert. My vest also had a small tear in it, but nothing serious. My shorts were in peak condition and my shoes… I never wore any anyways.

She pulled me down the street; it was getting late and was dark already. I wasn't scared of the dark but whenever something bad happened it was at night. When I lost my voice, when Gaara told me he didn't want anything to do with me, when Sasuke had attacked me, when I had rejected Gaara's offer and then… when Sasuke had left. He left me. It put a bitter taste in my mouth thinking of that day.

Sakura and I ate at a restaurant and stayed there talking until it was closing time. We talked about anything and everything but Sasuke. She asked me about my training, what it was like being in civilization, how Naruto was behaving, why everyone called Asuma a pervert. I asked her about Tsunade and what was up with the pig that Shizune always carried. I asked her about Kakashi and his mask and his covered eye.

It was all very consuming and distracted us both. We walked back, her laughing and me grinning with my own form of laughter. The street lights were on now and the roads virtually deserted. That was when my ears picked up on it. Naruto's voice. I grabbed Sakura's arm and pulled her to the side. She widened her eyes but said nothing when I put a finger over my mouth.

We crept along the edge of the building till we heard Naruto's voice loud and clear.

"-elfish bastard! Why won't you just talk to her?" He was yelling at someone. Sakura and I furrowed our eyebrows, wondering who he was talking to and about.

"I have no reason to." An emotionless voice spoke. It was easily distinguished and even Sakura recognized it. I gasped and put my hand over my mouth. Gaara.

Sakura looked worried. She didn't know what was between me and Gaara, but she had learned that nobody mentioned him around me.

"No reason? She misses you and wants to talk to you! You owe her that much Gaara!" Naruto hollered. His voice sounded shaky almost.

"What do I owe her? I saved her life when I took care of her in that cottage."

I knew who he was talking about now. I sank down to my knees, staring at the ground.

"You know, I thought you changed. But you're the same aren't you? You may have saved her life, but you nearly took it away from her." His voice was lower now.

"She told you about that?" Gaara sounded shocked.

"Yeah, she did! She confided in me as a friend. Don't worry though, she didn't tell anyone else so your reputation is still intact. She didn't even tell Sasuke."

"Sasuke? What does he have to do with this?"

"Tch. They were lovers. She liked him as much as she could consider she had been ruined by you."

I heard Sakura gasp next to me and looked down with shame. I hadn't wanted her to find out like this. I felt like I had done something horribly wrong.

"I may have nearly taken her life, but that was all I did to her." Gaara argued.

"No! It fucking wasn't you idiot! You took so much away from her!"

I gasped. He wasn't… Naruto wouldn't tell him…

"I don't know what you are talking about." Gaara's voice had a small shake of anxiety in it. A normal person could never pick it out, but after knowing him for so long I could recognize it.

"You're too much Gaara! She would've died if Jiraiya hadn't found her! You took away the one man she ever loved! You took away everything in life she had was certain about! You even took away her damn voice and yet you won't even use the one you take for granted to talk to her!"

I wrapped my arms around myself. No! I never wanted him to know. He was still mentally unstable. I didn't want to be responsible for any sorrow he felt at all.

"You cannot blame me. She ran away on her own free will and got attacked by bandits, losing her voice due to trauma to the front throat. I tried to apologize. She wouldn't accept it. She wouldn't even talk to me."

Yes! That was it! Naruto tell him that that's exactly right!

"Are you Stupid?"

Please Naruto….

"No." Gaara growled back.

Please… don't let him find out….

"Apparently you are! Trauma to the front throat? That's right. But do you think it was the bandits that did that? Think about it Gaara. She is too strong to let bandits attack her. And do you really think that your sand did so little damage to her?" Naruto's voice was steady once again, and soft.

"I… You're lying."

"Would I lie? I promised Calista I would never tell you but it's too much! I still can't get over what you did. I don't see why she still wants to defend you so much. No, it isn't even what you did. I can understand that Shukaku led you to do that to her… but now you refuse to even talk to her. Fine! Have it your way bastard! I don't care what you do. Asuma, Jiraiya, Shikaku and I will comfort her how we can in your place." I heard footsteps walking away and then stoping.

"Why wouldn't she have told me?"

"Cause she loves you too much to much to hurt you…" Naruto struck it right on. I couldn't hear any more. Gaara knew now. I never wanted him to know. Sakura now knew I had betrayed her. I couldn't hate Naruto for it though. Naruto only had my best interest in hand.

I stood up and ran in the opposite direction. I left Sakura shocked behind me. I wasn't watching where I was going. I ran into someone but ignored them and kept going I ran until I was back in my room and under my covers with Kiyo curled up beside me.

I just wanted Gaara to disappear. I wanted Sasuke to disappear. And Sakura. I didn't want the pain of knowing them. Of befriending them and being hurt by and hurting them. Sasuke had hurt me, Gaara had hurt me. I had hurt Gaara and Sakura. What a twisted world it was. At least I had Jiraiya Naruto and Asuma. They would never leave me. If they did… If I lost any of them… I wouldn't be the same.

I snuggled closer, but something was missing. I kissed Kiyo atop the head and climbed out the window and into Asuma's room. I would have to beg him to let me sleep with him again. He always gave in. He was asleep. I crawled into his bed besides him. He let out a sigh and turned around to look at me. I smiled at him sheepishly. He sighed and shook his head in defeat. "Fine, but this is the last time."

I grinned, knowing that he wouldn't keep it. He turned back around and I cuddled up to his back. I felt him tense before relaxing completely and both of our breaths matched and I was able to fall asleep without nightmares

* * *

I managed to avoid anyone the next morning after training with Jiraiya and Asuma. I ate lunch. I then did some mental work with Shikaku and was free after three. Wearing my standard outfit but with the Hokage-like hat over my head to stop the stares. I hoped that that was enough to avoid anyone from stopping me. I wasn't in the mental mood to have company. I especially wanted to avoid Sakura an Naruto. Luck wasn't on my side.

"Calista?" Sakura said, but lacking the hyper attitude like normal. I turned around and came face to face with her. There weren't many people in the street. The pink hair girl grabbed my arm. "Calista, why didn't you tell me about you and Sasuke? What was between the two of you?"

I bit my lower lip and pulled out the pad. I thought carefully before I wrote. _I'm sorry Sakura… I didn't want to hurt you… Sasuke and I were together for about a month before he left…_

Sakura's eyes watered and I felt guilt build in my stomach. "What do you mean by together? Did you kiss him…?"

I wanted so badly to lie. I had a feeling she would know it though. I had kept too much from her already. I tilted my head to the left, exposing the side of my neck. The marks Sasuke made were almost gone, but there were still traces.

Sakura gasped. "Those marks… the ones you had before… they were from him right?" She whispered.

I nodded.

"Did you two… go any further?" She wasn't looking at me, pretending that the ground was interesting.

I put a hand on her shoulder. She looked back up and into my eyes. I knew that she saw the answer.

"Of course… I… you're so pretty and strong after all. You never chase him around like me. Your amazing and I'm just a-" She had started put was cut off by me hugging her. I held her tightly and felt a tear fall on my bare shoulder. "I'm so sorry Calista. I shouldn't be jealous. But, when I think of you two together I feel so envious. I'm a horrible person but I hate the fact that someone other than me has Sasuke! I hate how that person isn't even a rude or ugly person so I can't hate them!"

I let her rant to me. I patted her back as she let it all out. Ranting over the stress from him leaving, the stress of her feelings for Sasuke. I wished that I could let it all out as well… but there were two reasons why. First, I literally couldn't with a lack of voice. Second, this moment was about Sakura: the girl who loved Sasuke the most in the world.

After minutes of her confiding in me, I let go of her and wiped away her tears with my hand. I then picked up my pen.

_Sakura, I may have these looks, but that means nothing. I couldn't get either of the men I wanted. It doesn't matter what you look like or how strong you are. It's your personality that someone will love. And for every strength I have, you have a dozen more. I am supposedly beautiful and strong, but let's face it… that's all I am. You are pretty yourself. You have amazing strength and are training to become a healer. Without healers, we ninja would not be here. I would not be here if it wasn't for the doctors. You have perfect chakra control and brutal strength that if honed can be great. And your intelligence! It may not be at Shikamaru's level, but it is very advanced._

_And Sakura, you have people who love you. Who would die for you. Naruto and Kakashi and your mother and father. You have a voice to speak with… And when Sasuke left you… he was gentle. You could see that he cared… He didn't see you as a threat and try to hurt you just so he could escape… He really did care for you…_

A teardrop fell on the dry erase board and I widened my eyes in shock. I wiped it away. Sakura was looking at the pad as I wrote.

_Sorry… I don't know why I cried… _I wrote, a silent laugh escaping me as I smiled.

Sakura looked up at me, her mouth opening and closing before finally settling. "Thank you Calista… You always seem to know what to say…"

I shrugged. _Now isn't the Hokage expecting you?_

Sakura looked towards the tower and nodded. "I'll see you around. No hard feelings right?"

I nodded. She disappeared down the alley. It was evening. I got some jerky from a vendor and wandered around a while before I decided to practice throwing some kunai.

The training grounds were deserted as far as I could tell. I began throwing kunai around at random trees, pretending that I was surrounded by enemies. But when I threw a kunai at one tree, another one came out of nowhere and stopped it. I raised an eyebrow and looked over, a little surprised at who I saw.

There were three boys. I recognized them all. Shikamaru, Shino, Choji and Neji. I was a little surprised to see Neji but brushed it off. I smiled and waved at them.

Neji and Choji and Shino stared for a moment longer, but Shikamaru was so used to seeing me with his father and Asuma that he was now unfazed by how I looked. He waved over lazily. "Yo. You're training too?"

I nodded my head, pulling my pad off of my hip. _I need to get stronger too you know!_

Shikamaru smiled at this. "Yeah. Even I have been training a little."

I opened my mouth in a laughing manner.

I finally turned my attention to his two other friends. _Hello Shino, hello Choji, hello Neji-sama._

Shino nodded his head back, not one for words himself. Neji seemed smugly satisfied with his honorific. Choji continued eating.

_What are you three doing today?_

"We just finished training in the neighboring grounds. We heard a commotion and when my bugs said it was you we decided to look." Shino said, a black beetle crawling out on his finger.

I had heard of his clan's jutsu. It struck me as very unique. I looked at the bug on his finger and held out my hand timidly, moving my water armor away from that hand. He nodded and I let the beetle travel to my middle finger. I stared at it in awe. I felt it take a small amount of chakra from me and then stop, fluttering back to Shino.

His eyebrows were furrowed. "He doesn't like your chakra."

I raised an eyebrow.

"That has never happened before. My bugs aren't picky when it comes to chakra…" His eyes crinkled in such a way that I could tell they were narrowed beneath his glasses. I shifted nervously.

"Relax Shikamaru! Even I have chips that I don't like!" Choji grinned. "I just can't think of any."

I had to smile at his antics. Neji's attention was snapped to me when Shino had mentioned my chakra.

"I will ask my dad about it." Shino said.

"Relax Shino. I doubt it's anything serious. Her chakra is probably just too cold. Too troublesome for them." Shikamaru reassured. But the calculating way he looked at me let me know he knew something was up.

I was a little frustrated with the four of them, feeling left out. I crossed my arms defiantly. None of them said anything and I looked back. Shikamaru was looking up at the sky. Neji was eating. Shino was looking at the forest and Neji…

A shoe headed towards Neji's face. Neji caught it skillfully and glared. "What was the meaning of that?"

"I don't know but the way you were staring at her probably didn't help." Shikamaru smirked. Choji laughed.

Neji tossed the shoe down and looked away. I walked up to him and grabbed his hand. He widened his eyes but didn't move to get rid of my hold. I held his hand on my breast over my heart. He blushed slightly.

"Wh-"

I put a finger to his mouth to cut him off. _Listen _I mouthed. _Feel_

My heartbeat pulsed against his hand. After a few seconds he relaxed. I then pulled away. _You heard it right? My heartbeat. See, I am only human._

He looked away from the pad as if in shame. I picked a kunai out of the ground and put it in my pack, then put my hat around my neck by its sting. I wanted to feel the air on my skin. I turned around to leave. _Later guys! _I then put the pad back on my hip.

I walked home, the streets dark. I liked to walk home at night. It was like being in a city and looking normal. I could imagine people in the streets, and nobody looking at me weird. Everyone seeing me as another person. Not the mute white haired beauty with the cold chakra and strange eye markings. Just Calista. A girl who strived to become a chunnin like the rest. A girl who wanted to be loved and accepted… who wanted just that one special person.

I shook my head. Such dark thoughts were beneath me. I had no real reason to be sad. What right did I have to sulk? Sure, I lost three people who I cared about… but I had a dozen left who I loved and a few I would die for without blinking. I knew that they would never leave me too. Asuma and Jiraiya were too strong to die, Shukaku too smart and Naruto… well he had some luck on his side that Kami could only explain. He was going to go far. I had a feeling in my gut.

A hand stopped me when I was in the middle of walking home. I turned around and my face lit into a smile. I wrapped my arms around a blonde haired boy's neck. I kissed him on the cheek and was surprised when he didn't blush like normal.

I pulled my pad out. _Naruto! I was just thinking about you!_

He raised an eyebrow. "What about?"

_About how strong you are going to become! _I smirked.

He nodded his head. I tilted my head to the side. He was acting a little off…

"last night Calista…" He started slowly.

I looked away. I had almost forgotten about it. "I know you were listening."

I but my lip hard. _Naruto I didn't want him to know!_

"Why?" He asked cold and calculating in his glare. He was acting weird…

_You know how much I love Gaara. I told you about how he was my everything. When you love someone, you don't want to hurt them. I doubt he cared… but on the rare case he actually felt anything for me... even a friendship, I wouldn't want him hurt. He's been hurt so much…_

"What makes you think he doesn't like you?" Naruto crossed his arms.

_He left me Naruto! Isn't that proof enough. No! _I shook my head, sighing. _Let's not talk about this Naruto. It hurts too much. Not after Sasuke left ok? I am not ready to dwell on such topics. Let's just walk together?_

He nodded. I wrapped my arm around his, uncrossing his arms. I led him to a bench beneath a light.

"What do you want to talk about?"

_I don't know. Everything? Kiyo is doing good, training hard. Today I trained some more. I'm trying to get stronger! But don't worry, I wont be Hokage like you are going to. Unless you die, then I will have to become Hokage so I can continue all of your lessons and make sure no old coot takes over! _I grinned.

He nodded. I laid my head on his lap. He stiffened and I frowned. _You are acting weird today Naruto_

He shrugged. I frowned some more but he had been training so hard that that was probably why. _Can you believe it? Lless than two weeks and you will be leaving… and a little while after that I will too… I am going to miss everyone._

He needed and ran his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes. Gaara and I used to do just this. I found myself falling asleep, a calm feeling over me.


	19. Tea Rose

Don't worry! There will be more Gaara interactions in like 3 chaps! Oh and I am taking of taking a vote. Should she have something with Asuma during their two years of training alone?

* * *

I woke up in my own bed for the first time in a week or so. I yawned and shoved the covers off of me, accidentally knocking Kiyo off the bed, feeling bad I smiled an apology at him. He made a playful growl and hopped back up and snuggled into my nightgown.

Wait. Nightgown? Naruto had taken me home. Did that mean…

The door opened and Naruto walked in. I stood up, walked over and hit him upside the head. He clutched it. "Oww! Why Calista! You're turning into Sakura!"

I picked the pad up off my nightstand, next to yesterday's clothes. _Pervert! Did you change me?_

He looked at the pad. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

I glared. _When you took me home._

"Yesterday?" I nodded. "Um… I never walked you home yesterday…"

_Then who did?_

"How am I supposed to know?" His face showed genuine confusion before going back to its regular form as he picked Kiyo of the ground and cuddled him.

_You let a complete stranger walk me home? Naruto!_

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

_Yesterday when we were done talking and I fell asleep in your lap._

He scratched the back of his head. "I think you're going crazy Calista. I haven't talked to you for a few days."

I froze. He didn't talk to me yesterday? But yes he did… he came to me, acting all weird and stuff.

I tried to treat it like a puzzle, breaking it down. I tried to be like Shikamaru or Shikaku. After a second one thing was for sure. It wasn't Naruto who I talked to yesterday. There were a few options but the most likely was a transformation jutsu. I had been fooled. I didn't get a hostile feeling though, that much was good. I decided not to mention it to Naruto.

Who was it then? Sakura? No… Kakashi or Asuma or Shikamaru? No, whoever it was way too cold to be anyone I knew. Gaara?

My heart skipped a beat as I thought of him, but I told myself it wasn't. He wouldn't care so much right? But he knew about the conversation…

No! I needed to stop this! It didn't matter anyways. I was upset that someone had fooled me, but apparently Naruto had done the same thing to Sakura when they were younger. Or at least that's what he told me. Yeah… No big deal.

_Oh. I am so tired I confused reality with my dream. Sorry Naruto…_

He raised an eyebrow but shrugged. "I just came by to ask if you wanted to train with pervy sage and me today."

I shrugged. Might as well…

* * *

I didn't see Gaara that day. Or the next. Or the next. Two weeks passed actually. Two weeks of being alone. Of training until it was dark out and then walking home. Naruto was packing all his stuff up, and Sakura was getting even busier with Tsunade. Everyone was stepping it up another level. I was trying to do that too. I made everything into training. I also kept my water armor on at all times to build up my stamina. I had to remove it before sleeping but other than that I was now able to last nearly a full day.

Time passed too soon, but before I knew it was the day of Naruto's departure. I woke up in Asuma's bed. The sun was already rising. I bolted upright. I didn't mean to sleep for so long. I didn't even bother changing out of my nightgown. I grabbed my notepad, opened Asuma's front door and bolted out and into the road, the dust flying up and coating my legs.

I knew that what I was doing was foolish but I would miss him otherwise. The few people awake and in the streets nearly dropped what they were doing when they saw me. I ignored them though, and bolted towards the gate. Eventually I saw Naruto and Jiraiya. I sped up and launched myself at Naruto, dropping my pad in the process. He went down.

My arms wrapped around his neck, and laying on him, I kissed his cheek with a huge grin. I got off of the now blushing boy. He looked at my revealing nightgown and messy hair. "Did you just wake up?"

I nodded like a fool. That was when Asuma walked up behind me.

Asuma sighed. "I knew that this was where you went…" He looked over my outfit and shook my head.

I turned my attention back to the two. I felt kind of sad. I threw my arms around Jiraiya next and kissed his cheek. Asuma handed me my pad when I let go. _Goodbye Jiraiya… I love you and will miss you…_

"This isn't goodbye. I'll see you later Calista." He said, smiling softly. "I want you to grow strong, and grow beautiful. Asuma, you better keep your hands off of her." He winked playfully, making me blush.

"Pervert…" Asuma mumbled defiantly.

Jiraiya laughed and placed a hand on my head, pulling away. "Take care and by the time I see you next, you better be as strong as Asuma understand?"

I nodded my head and showed him another smile. "_Bye…' _I mouthed.

"Later Calista." He waved over his shoulder.

Naruto sighed and then smiled himself. "Calista…" His tone turned serious. "I promise on my life I will bring Sasuke back to us. I know you didn't know him that well, but I know you cared for him and I know he felt something for you. Calista, I WILL get stronger and I WILL make him come home to us." He said. It meant the world to me. I knew that he would stand besides that promise until it was fulfilled. It might be a blessing or a curse in the future.

"_Thank you_" I mouthed.

"So when you see me next you'll be surprised! And you have to get stronger too Calista! And even more beautiful!" He grinned.

I grabbed my pad. _Take care of yourself Naruto. You better grow strong and handsome also!_

"Don't worry Calista I will! See you later!" He stood up. But, then he stopped and looked back at me.

I grinned, and wrapped my arms around his neck. I pulled back and made to kiss him on the cheek, but he twisted his head at that moment and the kiss landed on his lips. I blushed and so did he. We laughed nervously and he reluctantly let me go. "Goodbye Calista…."

He turned around and that would be the last I saw of him for two years.

"Come on Calista. No use dwelling on it. They'll be back too soon." Asuma put a hand on my shoulder and escorted me back to my room, glaring at anyone who looked me over. I couldn't care. I was a little sad that Naruto and Jiraiya left. The man who saved my life and the boy I thought of as one of my best friends and who I respected more than anyone.

I knew that Gaara was leaving later that day to return to his own village. I wanted to wait for him at the gate, but knew I couldn't. Not yet at least. Maybe after the two years of training I would become super strong and be able to prove myself to him. He would want to be my friend because he would be proud of me!

That was a lie. I couldn't even pretend that it would be like that. I could only hope and pray that someday I would see him again. I closed my eyes and whispered that prayer, sending it up to the heavens for whichever god was listening to take it in and deal with it as he wished.

* * *

The next month passed smoothly, but lonely without Jiraiya or Naruto. Shikaku and Asuma trained me hard. At night, I had these weird nightmares about sand and Sasuke or Gaara, sometimes the death of the bandits. Once I even had a dream that Asuma had been killed. That shook me up pretty bad. I no longer slept in my own bed. Asuma became used to my prescience in his room and didn't even stir when I snuggled up to his back. I never had nightmares when I was around him oddly enough.

The chunnin exams came and I took it with Ino and Choji in Shikamaru's place. Shikamaru was beginning to train his leadership skills and was getting dozen of missions without a break. Ino and Sakura were training with Tsunade.

The chunnin exams went without flaw, and nearly everyone passed them. In the forest of death there was only one casualty. Afterwards to narrow down the numbers we had a battle. I went up against a ninja from the sand and won using a water technique. In the final rounds, I was promoted to chunnin after going up against Kiba and Akamaru, Ino, and then going up against Lee. I won against Kiba and Akamaru and Ino, but I lost against Lee. Lee's strengths were all my weaknesses. Apparently the lords still saw enough to allow me to be Chunnin. Kiyo was growing as well. The wolf was now to my knees and larger than Akamaru.

I was given exactly a week to recover after the exams before we left. I entrusted Kiyo to Kiba, saddened that I could not take him with me, but glad that he would be in the company of someone who would take great care of him. I had accepted my departure, but was afraid that when I returned Kiyo wouldn't remember me. Not only kiyo, but Shikaku and Choji and Ino and Sakura and everyone else I cared for.

* * *

I now stood at the gate. It was my birthday, but the only people who knew that were Kakashi, Asuma, Shikaku and I. Asuma had given me a present, earrings. They sported a blue gem he called a sapphire. Not having my ears pierced, I was unsure where to put them so I had attached them both to a silver chain and wore it around my neck.

"You ready for this Calista?" Asuma asked, looking down at me. I solemnly nodded my head.

"Yo, Calista." Kakashi walked up, a small white box in his hand. "Happy birthday."

I took it from him with a smile. I liked gifts just as much as the next girl. I took it and opened it. In it sat three pieces of white cloth. I recognized what they were. Face masks just like his. I grinned and threw my arms around him, kissing him on his masked cheek. He scrunched up his eye in a smile.

_Thank you Kakashi. I will miss you so much! _I scribbled hastily. _Promise me that you wont forget me?_

"Of course not." Kakashi promised. I believed him.

Next I turned to Shikaku and did much the same to him, hugging him and kissing his cheeks.

"Calista, one of these days you won't be able to do that anymore." He warned. I tilted my head, not understanding. "… you'll understand when you are older I suppose. Here."

He handed me a bracelet. It was a carving of a deer. He hooked it around my wrist. "It's made from the Nara clan's deer horn. Happy birthday."

I hugged them both once more. _Thank you Shika... You taught me so much. Thank you…_

"Take care Calista. You better be stronger. Also, try and get your emotions in control…" Shikaku said with a wave as he left, walking away. I knew his words weren't meant to be scolding, but honest advice.

"Be good for Asuma. And Asuma: keep your hands off of her when she grows so beautiful you can't resist." Kakashi laughed, dodging a kunai from Asuma as he walked away.

I laughed silently.

"Bastards… c'mon. We have a long two years ahead of us. I don't plan on letting you rest."

I gulped and took a step out of the village, and to my new future. Away from the pain of losing Gaara, the first Hokage and Sasuke. Towards Asuma, who was the closest person to me now that Jiraiya and Naruto were gone.

I didn't look back. I couldn't look back…


	20. PART 2: Begonia

_Where am I? I turned my head frantically, looking around. I was in a grassy field, trees all around me. The sky was dark though, too dark. I looked up at the red moon. It seemed natural, though something in my head was screaming that it was wrong._

_No… It's always been this way… the moon is always red… silly of me… I wondered why I had ever doubted it. Crazy…_

_And then the world was no longer completely black. There was red. A sticky, wet, red liquid coated the grass and trees, shining in the dark. I tilted my head to the side, curious of the material. I walked up to a tree and swiped her finger, tasting the substance. It was salty. I heard a crying noise and looked to the side. A white haired girl, no older than 4 sat in a ball on the floor._

_She was crying over and over again "I didn't mean too… I didn't mean too."_

_I walked up to the girl. I saw a group of people. A pure white haired man and little girl, a blond haired woman who looked like she was pregnant. They were laying on the ground with the red substance over them._

_I tilted my head, looking around and noticing that there were at least 10 other bodies also lying on the ground._

_Quizzically, I looked back to the little girl once more. I noticed the liquid on the little girl's torso, all over it. I reached over to the girl, to stop her crying and to comfort her, but that was when I felt the warmth from my own torso. I looked down and saw an identical spot growing through my clothes._

_It was then that my mind seemed to clear and I noticed everything._

_Pain rippled through my body and my knees gave out, leaving me to fall to the ground. I looked over at the white haired, pale green eyed girl._

_The little girl looked up for a moment, on her face translucent designs began to cut into her face, identical to mine. Her mouth opened, forming the words: **You deserve this**_

I woke up with a start, my chest rising and falling as I panted.

"Calista?" Asuma groaned sleepily. We were lying on top of an open sleeping bag with a blanket covering the both of us. That was enough for us during these hot summer months. Especially near the border of the land of wind.

Asuma sat up. In the dawn light I could see his eyes open and close trying to adjust to the dim light. He wore no shirt, only plaid pants. His hair was standing up every which way. He looked funny in my opinion and any other time I would have laughed… but that dream really shook me up.

"Is everything alright?" He put a warm hand on my shoulder.

I nodded, not wanting to bother him with it. Besides, it wasn't light enough for him to read anything I wrote.

"Then why are you shaking?" He looked me in the eyes.

I bit my bottom lip and broke the eye contact. Nightmares were rare, and since I started sleeping next to Asuma they never came. This was the first night and that little girl… it was obvious that that was her family around her. She was 4… and she looked like me. The markings on her eyes as well.

Shaking my head, I stood up. My white tank top and shorts didn't cover much but during the summer I liked to be comfortable. I pointed to the left.

"You going to bathe?"

I nodded my head.

"Ok... if you insist you're ok. I'll have breakfast done soon." He sighed, getting up himself.

Grabbing a worn white towel, I walked over to the stream.

Being with Asuma was not what I expected. Training was difficult, and was constant. Asuma and I traveled all over the world. One week we would be in the land of fire, the next the land of ice. We met so many people, and he taught me a lot of jutsu and all the hand-to-hand I could take. My body was more toned now. I weighed less and my stomach was flat. My legs and arms didn't jiggle when I moved them anymore. Feeling my face, I could tell that it had toned out as well. Instead of the useless fat I had, it had been converted to muscle.

It was soul devouring training. Sleeping in a bed was a rare occasion. So was a warm shower. We bathed in the river, ate what fish or other game Asuma made me catch, and I had long forgotten what I even looked like. My lips were chapped, my hands calloused, and my hair even lighter with a stronger tint of blue. Asuma liked to make everything I did a training regimen. I was mentally and physically stronger, but also exhausted.

A year and a half passed and I was now 15. Three more months until we returned to the village. I sank down into the stream, warmed even this early in the morning as it flowed down from Suna. I relished the feeling of the water, soaking what seemed to be permanently sore muscles. I looked down at my body with a frown. I had filled out a lot in the past year. My breasts were a decent size, but not as big as I wanted them to be. They were B's. My hips had gotten wider, and at first I thought I was getting fat before Asuma explained that girls got wider hips when they matured so they could have babies. I scrunched up my nose. Why would anyone want babies?

My silver hair had grown out too much, forcing me to roughly cut it. It was now at my shoulders, reminding me of Sakura's hair. I dipped into the water again, scrubbing my body as best I could, cleaning the dirt from it all. It seemed like hours before I was forced to get out.

"Calista? Breakfast is done!" Asuma yelled over to me. I clanked two rocks together to signal that I had heard him.

I emerged from the water and wrapped myself in a towel. My clothes were folded neatly by the fire. Asuma turned around and then turned back sharply. He continued to cut up the fish that was our breakfast. "Calista you really should bring your clothes with you…" He grumbled.

I searched around for my pad, finding it on top of my bag. _But that is too troublesome! _I whined, wraping my arms around his neck and shoving the pad in front of his face.

"Oh god, you're starting to sound like Shikamaru." Asuma groaned, reading it and then turning back to the food. I playfully smacked him as I moved away and then dropped my towel, picking up my clothes to put them on.

"Calista! Give me a warning in the future!" Asuma yelled after he had turned around to reprimand me for smacking him. I shrugged with a silent chuckle and continued to dress. He had probably caught me naked over a hundred times by now. I would think he would be used to it by now. He still had the same reaction. I always noted that I was never able to catch him naked. Not that I would want to! It wasn't like I found him extremely attractive or anything… I mean he was good looking and muscular and strong and the only male I had really had contact with in the last year. Not to mention that he was caring and… ugh! Why was I thinking like that!

With crimson cheeks, I began dressing. My outfit had changed slightly to be more convenient. I wore a long sleeved mesh shirt over the same chest bindings. The vest that was once a plain white one, was now a white chunnin one. I kept it unzipped in the front though. For bottoms I wore white pants that were made out of this cotton but were loose and breezy. A moderation of sweatpants for the summer. I was still barefoot though, and my forehead protector was still around my arm.

The most drastic change was the white cloth I wore on my face now. They were the masks that Kakashi had gotten me, matching him. It was like having a piece of him with me wherever I went. I put on everything but left the facemask down so I could eat.

I sat down and ate with Asuma. Neither of us said or wrote anything for a few minutes.

"We are going to start the last leg of our training tomorrow. We'll be going to Suna for it. I sent a messenger bird out a few days ago and I want you to train and fight in an area that has no resources for you to use other than the wind." Asuma finally spoke.

I dropped my chopsticks in shock.

"Calista?" Asuma picked them up and handed them back to me.

I took them and put them down in favor of my pad. _Suna? How long?_

"Leaving as soon as we get things packed, we'll be there for three months. Then we'll leave to be going back to Konoha. We should get there around the same time Naruto and Jiraiya will. In Suna, there is actually another reason to go there. There's woman there who would like to look at your throat." He continued eating.

_My throat?_

"Yes. The regular doctors couldn't do anything about it, but this is a ninja doctor. Don't get your hopes up, but who knows."

_I am going to go and pack everything up. _I put my pad and pen down. I needed time to think about this. Suna? That was where Gaara lived. No, as long as I avoided him it would be ok. Besides, he definitely a chunnin or Jonin by now so he would probably never be in the village. The only people we would be having interactions with would be the Kazekage and whoever we were sent to fight. It was cowardly, but I was afraid and nervous to see him. I didn't know what to expect. What if all the feelings I held… and probably still hold dormant, came back? Could I bear to be around him and loose him again?

As for my voice? I pushed that thought away. I knew if I thought about it I would get my hopes up. That was not something I could afford to do. My training was my first priority, not chasing after some fairytale.

Trying my best to erase all thought from my mind, I packed up all of our supplies, which was a sad amount. We were a day away from Suna and would probably get there by nightfall and will camp a mile or two away from the village so we can show up in the morning like civilized travelers, not invaders.

Once everything was packed, and much too quickly for my liking, Asuma joined me and took his own pack onto his back.

He didn't say any more about Suna, or about why I had woken up in such frenzy. That dream that seemed so familiar, like I had dreamed about it before. Those topics were taboo right now and he knew me well enough to realize that. That was something I loved about Asuma, he respected me.

I pulled my face mask up and focused on the trail, on putting one foot in front of the other jut like I had been doing for the past year and a half. For some reason, it was especially hard right now.


	21. Acacia

Asuma and I camped five miles away from Suna in an oasis. I had never actually seen Suna before, and I was getting more and more nervous. The tales of all the cruel ninja that Gaara had told me were beginning to fester, and in a way it made me angry at the ninja of Suna. Asuma reassured me that it was going to be fine numerous times, but I couldn't believe him fully.

We built a small fire and then rolled out our sleeping bags to get some sleep. It was a sandy area, and extremely warm. I had on a plain white nightgown and Asuma his plaid pants.

Asuma unzipped his sleeping bag completely and laid it flat. I did the same to mine. I closed my eyes but only for a second before I sat up and looked over at Asuma. He sighed and patted the spot next to him.

I crawled over and snuggled up beside him, wrapping an arm over him from behind, and pressing my face into his bare back. Also, I placed my own sleeping bag over us. Asuma had grown used to this; we always shared a bed now.

There was something else though. As I stared at his back I could no longer lie to my heart and had to admit that I had begun to feel for him. I thought so at least. Maybe I was just confused, but it when I was around him I felt for him like I had felt for Sasuke and Gaara. Not quite as strong, but similar. I knew it was wrong, he was older than me; my teacher. But when I looked at him I couldn't help but blush. He never looked at me as a woman though. How could he? I wasn't a woman in his eyes, only a girl. So much for these supposed looks I had.

"Calista." Asuma spoke up, rolling around and facing me. He had a serious expression on his face. "We need to stop this sleeping arrangement."

I frowned, he had done this before. He would tell me we should stop without giving me a reason and then give in when I showed him a sad expression.

"Before you protest, I'll explain. I was avoiding this because… well, I didn't want to be awkward. But, I have to say this." He rolled over on his side and looked at me. "Calista, you're too big for this. You've grown into a beautiful woman this past year, and any normal man would be enchanted, when we return and you see Jiraiya I'll most likely have to keep him away from you."

I furrowed my eyebrows and picked up my pad that was besides us. _I do not understand._

"I mean, I may not be able to resist you. One slip and… I might do something we both would regret." He looked down with shame and embarrassment, avoiding my eyes.

I understood then. He was afraid he would touch me. Didn't he realize how much he meant to me? I stared at his chest for a long moment, my mind running through scenarios before deciding that I would act on instinct. Setting my pad down, I got up on my hands and knees. I didn't know how else to do this, so I crawled over to him and looked into his eyes.

"Calista wh-" he was cut off by me. In a bold movement I placed my lips over his.

He took my shoulders and after a second he pushed me away. His eyes were slightly glazed and his hands were trembling as he held my shoulders. "You don't realize how wrong this is. You don't realize what you do to me. Your looks alone…"

I bit my bottom lip and reached for my pad, shrugging out of his grasp. _I don't care._

He shook his head. "Calista. You're being childish. You can't do things like that."

Tightening my grip on my pad, I shoved it in his face again, as If repeating the same sentence.

"You will care. You're asking me to take something away from you that you can never get back." He placed a hand on my head.

I looked away, trying to think of how to respond. I didn't know how, so I just wrote what came to my heart.

_Asuma, I loved Gaara and he left me. I really liked Sasuke and he left me. I hate them for that almost as much as I love them. And… I can't even remember what they look like anymore! You know how much that hurts? I don't remember them because it's been so long. Their faces are blank when I dream of them and it's like my own mind is mocking me, tormenting me in every way it can!_

_And... I am starting to like you like I liked Sasuke. I don't want to regret anything. So I want to take a chance because even though you will never feel anything for me, even though I can see in your eyes that you're in love with someone else, I would rather do this with you. I won't get to do this with the one I love, nor the one who I really liked. So let me do this with you… someone I care about._

He read it and his face turned red. "I- I can't. It's wrong. You're too young."

_I can kill and slaughter at age 13, but I cannot make love? What sort of twisted world is this?_

"I see your point. But I'm so much older than you. You don't really want your first time to be with some man who's nearly ten years older than you." He scolded lightly.

Instead of writing anything, I traced my hand over his abs, judging his reaction. I could see the conflict in his eyes. I almost felt guilty. I knew he wanted this but was fighting. I wanted this too and I was fighting as well, only in a different way.

"You haven't looked in a mirror lately; you don't realize what you're capable of. If you don't stop this…"He closed his eyes and I took the opportunity to straddle him. Burying my face in his chest, I closed my eyes, my hand continuing to rub his abs.

In a quick moment Asuma grabbed my head and pulled it up to his, crushing his lips into mine. I silently moaned into it. The kiss was frantic, flurried. It held desire, but only desire as he kissed me hard again and again, eventually putting his tongue in my mouth. I tried to mimic what Sasuke and I had done, and found it came back to me easily. Asuma was experienced in this area, that I could tell. I trailed my hand further down his stomach.

That was when he stopped kissing me and I opened my eyes. He had his closed with a look of concentration on his face. In the next second he flipped me around so that my back was against the ground and he was hovering over me. "No. You're acting like a spoiled child. This isn't right. We're ninja and above temptation. I won't do this to you."

I was about to protest but he cut me off by turning around on his back and moving me on top of him, hugging me to him. I placed my chin on his shoulder and found an odd comfort in his warmth. "Don't argue with me. Just sleep. Forget this ever happened and just sleep."

I. Forget? I wouldn't. But I would sleep now. I knew he was right and I was acting spoiled and childish. Guilty as it made me feel, I was glad to know he didn't think of me as that same little girl.

* * *

We said nothing of the previous night the next morning. It was silent, but strangely not awkward. More comfortable than anything. Sleeping like that with Asuma kept the nightmares away, especially the one I had the prior night. The dream that still ran through my veins and made me feel as cold as the eyes of that little white haired girl.

Asuma and I packed what we needed and then headed for the gates. I wore my standard outfit plus mask, and Asuma his. As I neared the Village walls I wondered if Kankuro or Temari or Gaara would recognize me like this. Probably, who else had such weird designs on their face? Gaara would recognize me instantly. Unless he forgot what I looked like…

I mentally shook my head. No. Not Gaara. Don't think of him. You won't see him.

A comforting hand found its way to my shoulder and squeezed lightly. Asuma looked down at me with a smile and I forced myself to smile beneath my mask. He would protect me. Well, actually no. He had trained me well and I could protect myself now.

"C'mon. Don't go slower now. We're expected in the Kazekage's office… prepare yourself." Asuma picked up the pace, avoiding eye contact now.

That made me curious. Who was the new Kazekage? Was it Kankuro? No… he was too much of an idiot. Temari? No, she wasn't quite strong enough or smart enough. Was it some council member or Jonin? Ibiki? I didn't have the slightest idea.

* * *

Kankuro was not the person I expected to see outside the Hokage's office. Ibiki had been the one to escort us there and he was also the one to shelter me form the citizens. I admired him, and Asuma liked him. He only looked at me once though and had since avoided me like the plague, something that bothered me. At least my mask was doing the job of protecting me from onlookers right? After all, what else did they have to look at besides my face?

I huffed. Despite it being early morning and my face being covered, people noticed me. Then again, in Suna people seemed to be up earlier. Most likely they wanted to take advantage of the early morning's cool weather.

Kankuro seemed to tense up slightly as he saw the two of us approach. I could tell he was forcing himself to relax, I could also tell that he was avoiding looking at me just as Ibiki was. The only difference was that the only part of me Kankuro looked at was my feet. His attention was mostly on Asuma and Ibiki. "Asuma Sarutobi, Calista." He greeted.

"Is the Kazekage aware that we are here?" Asuma asked.

"He knows that two traveling ninja from Konoha are here to train for the next three months."

They shared a look that obviously said they knew something I didn't. I clutched my pad closer to me and glared at them.

"Don't give me that look. Come on. Let's get this over with." Asuma nudged me forward as Kankuro opened the door and they filed inside of the room behind me.

It took me a moment for my eyes to adjust to the light. When it did I was convinced I was seeing things. Behind the desk, in the standard Kazekage robe, was the redhead that I knew better than anyone else in the world. I gasped. Gaara?

At first I thought he looked exactly the same and drank in his appearance, trying to restore my memory. Looking closer however, I could tell that there were subtle chages. His dark rimmed eyes had lightened slightly. They were rounder too, not as narrowed. There hate was nearly gone and instead he looked calm, gentle.

Gaara was Kazekage? There was no mistaking it. His red hair, sea foam green eyes, and love scar on his forehead was enough to prove that.

We stared at each other for a long moment. Neither of us seemed to believe what we saw. I bit my lip under my mask and was glad for its protection.

"Lord Kazekage" Asuma broke the silence with a low bow.

Realizing my position now as a low Chunin from Konoha, I quickly did the same, bowing. It felt weird to be bowing to someone I used to think of as my best friend but at the same time I was glad to have the moments break of eye contact.

Gaara snapped out of it a second later. "Rise."

"These are the ninja I told you about Gaara. You remember Calista right? They've been traveling for-"

"A year and nine months" Asuma filled in.

"Yeah. And they've come here to train for the remainder of it. Apparently old lady Chiyo wanted to take a look at Calista's throat too." Kankuro rubbed the back of his head nervously.

Asuma and I were now standing back up, but I unconsciously had scooted closer to him. Our arms were touching. He patted my back reassuringly and rested there in a comforting gesture. My mind was racing to fast to have a comprehensive though. Gaara was the Kazekage? He was strong, I knew that. But for the village to accept him Naruto must have really changed him. I hated it…

Not the fact that he had changed, but the feeling that rose in me when I thought about how Naruto had done in a few minutes what I could not accomplish in 7 years… I felt angry, hurt, jealous and every other bitter, ugly emotion. It made me feel so dirty but I couldn't help it. It was painful and hurt my pride. I was such an ugly person inside when I thought like that… I tried to get rid of the thoughts. I was only human i supposed.

"I see…" Gaara finally spoke.

"OK, so should we set them up in one of the Inns or what? Our ambassador's suite is taken by an ambassador from the mist." Kankuro looked out the window.

"They won't be comfortable in the Inn. And with her being there," He motioned to me. I tried not to be offended by the fact that he didn't even bother saying my name or looking at me. "It's bound to cause problems with my men."

"With all due respect lord Kazekage, Calista is more than capable to take care of herself and even when she's asleep I won't let anyone harm her." Asuma wrapped his arm more fully around my waist. I was left out of the conversation, not being able to speak.

Gaara didn't concur. "You can't watch her all the time. It's not like you two sleep in the same bed."

I giggled silently under my mask. It was a notion and a sound that only Asuma could recognize, being around me so much. I could see his eyes light up with humor. Gaara looked between us, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you guys?" There was an unidentifiable edge to his voice.

Asuma blushed. "Ah no! I mean yes but not like you think lord Kazekage. She just gets lonely at night sometimes and I comfort her and… I'm making things worse…" He trailed off.

"Pervert." Kankuro laughed behind us.

"Why? Why does everyone say that?" Asuma whined, hanging his head.

Beneath my mask I laughed. The only person who wasn't reacting was Gaara.

"It's settled. Put them in the Kazekage quarters Kankuro. In the spare rooms."

Kankuro nodded. "Sure thing. I'll show them to their room right now."

"Separate rooms." Gaara added.

Kankuro chuckled and waved his hand for us to follow. Asuma left, still pouting. I turned to walk after them but hesitated at the door. After a few seconds I turned around to look at Gaara. To my disappointment he was looking back down at his desk and reading a paper. Was I not even worth looking at? Did he really forget about me?

I stared at him for another moment, willing him to just look up, just look at me. Anything, any hint that he noticed me, that he remembered me and felt even an inkling of friendship towards me... That there was still a chance for these feelings that I could feel coming back just by looking at him, being shared between us. My mind was begging for him to look up.

_Please Gaara.. just look at me… please.._

_Please.._

_Gaara...  
_

_No...  
_

Perhaps it was my begging mindset that hurt me the most when I realized that he wasn't going to look at me. It was so painful… the worst sort of rejection. I thought I had buried these feelings, and I had. But… just as I suspected they came back by just being in the same room as him. They came back and hurt me…

I turned around and walked out the door. I thought I saw it but I couldn't turn around to check because he would see the tears in my eyes. It was probably, definitely a figment of my imagination generated by my desperate hope and I wouldn't hurt myself by believing it, but I thought I saw him look up out of the corner of my eye.


	22. Cactus

Suna was miserable. I had become so accustomed to the trees in Konoha that I had forgotten the way the sand constantly whipped at me, chapped my lips, and made me sweat without working out. Asuma and I had traveled all over yes… but never in one place for so long. That we would have to be here for three months was excessive. Why did Asuma insist on this town? There had to be a reason. Sure the sand proposed an obstacle but civilization was something we avoided.

A sigh slipped through my lips and I stared at my bag, working a needle to patch some tears that were threatening to become bigger. It was good practice with my coordination anyways. It also distracted my mind. I had become stronger physically and my mentality was not quite as weak… I could fight without fearing the faces of those I had killed. So then why did a simple crush still bother me? Especially when I had Asuma with me?

When the task of sewing was over, I walked over to the window. Asuma was in a meeting with Gaara and some other old guys, discussing stuff I wasn't allowed to know. Meanwhile I was bored out of my mind. As proof I'd already spent an hour doing workouts in my room. I'd cleaned, bathed, brushed my hair, washed all my clothes, and even sewn up some small imperfections in my vest. If only I could leave the room…

Wait. I was never directed not to… A smile lit up my face as I came to the realization. Putting everything away I shoved a few coins in my pocket and glanced in the mirror. I disliked doing such a thing, for it was a reminder that there was something wrong with me. That my looks were one of my only good traits. And that because I was attractive people would ever judge me for my personality. I would much rather be plain looking. Nothing special that would make me stand out in a crowd.

But here I did. Even with my face mask people had looked at my strange eyes and hair and Konoha headband. They knew I was different. Stepping out of the Kazekage's building and past a room where some special meeting was being held, I glanced at the sandy road. Where to go… I didn't want to get lost so straying too far would be bad.

I had walked a block and a half when a wonderful smell invaded my nose. I walked into a small teahouse and looked around. A few people glanced at me but no real looks. Relieved and thankful for my mask, I sat down at a two seater table. A waitress came over. "How can I help ya?" she drawled.

_A cup of any tea and if you have some raw food it would be appreciated. _I wrote down on my pad and showed her. She nodded and walked away. A few minutes later she returned with the tea and the food. I didn't eat it quite yet though, but looked out at the sky. It was twilight.

"Um… Excuse me." My head snapped to the side and I stared at a young boy. He looked only a few years younger than me but his face was softer. I wouldn't have guessed he was a ninja if not for his headband.

I tilted my head in a questioning gesture and he took it as a hint to continue. "Um… well I was wondering if you were the White Dragon. I hear rumors and stuff and um… your hair and eyes. I hope this isn't rude of me to ask."

I was extremely confused. White Dragon? I had never heard that name before. How did this child know of me? Was he mistaking me for someone else? Not that many people had eyes and hair like me. I reached for my pad and wrote slowly and carefully: _I'm afraid I don't know what you are talking about. I've never been called White Dragon._

Flashing him a smile while he read it, I took down my mask and sipped the tea with my free hand. My eyes went to the window again and to a clock next to it. As I was staring at it, the secondhand stopped. My heart skipped a beat. In the country of tea it was a bad omen. It meant death had just occurred or was about to. Of course I didn't believe it…

A sick feeling in my stomach I hadn't even noticed the boy was talking to me again. "-To be. I'm sure of it. They say you worked with the Kazekage and took down two hundred bandits without using a single jutsu! They say you went to the country of earth and destroyed a rebellion that was planning on attacking Suna in a single day!"

I laughed silently at the boys admiration, even if he wasn't looking at me anymore. It was adorable. It was also untrue what he said. _You should know stories get less true the more they are told. Those are exaggerations. Not even Gaara could take down two hundred men without any Jutsu or his sand. _

"Wow! You're on a first name basis with the Kazekage? You must be the white Dragon! Wait until I tell my friends!" He shouted a little too loud, making others narrow their eyes at us. I didn't notice that I had called Gaara by his first name. I needed to not do that.

_Hardly. I m- _Sirens stopped my pen in mid-sentence. Looking at the boy I was shocked by his troubled face.

"T-those are the village alarms… I wonder what's going on…" He muttered.

The two of us walked out of the shop and looked up into the sky. An explosion rang out. I dropped my pad. That sand… Gaara. It was filling the sky and I couldn't see what he was fighting. Who could pose a threat to him?

"Go." I mouthed to boy, pointing at the evacuating citizens. He obeyed me without a fight which was helpful. With no further ado I sprinted back towards the Kazekage tower. Kankuro and several other Suna ninja were standing looking up at the sky. When they saw me only Kankuro turned his attention.

I searched for my pad but remembered I left it behind. Helpless, I looked up at the sky. Gaara would win of course, but what if he was hurt? No… nobody could hurt Gaara.

"This isn't good." Kankuro frowned. I snapped my head to him again. "Those cloaks. It's Akatsuki."

I tilted my head in confusion. Who?

"They're a group of mercenaries apparently. Each one is supposed to hold insane strength."

I froze, looking at him in horror. The Akatsuki… they were the ones who almost killed Kakashi. Who left him unable to move for days? They had also defeated Asuma. This was still Gaara we were talking about.

As the moments ticked by we became more anxious. Kankuro turned to me. "Can't you help him? You have the strongest long range attacks in the leaf don't you?"

I shook my head. I didn't have the strongest long range attacks in the leaf village-that would probably belong to Shino or TenTen. I couldn't help Gaara either.

"Why not? Just because you guys don't get along doesn't mean you shouldn't help this village!" Kankuro did not mean his words, but he was worried for his brother.

I looked at him sternly, about to try and explain through hand movements when Asuma walked up. "She won't help because she can't. She'd only get in Gaara's way. Think about it Kankuro. The only useful moves Calista has in respect to this guy are water and ice based. Those would only get in the way of Gaara's sand and make it heavier. Besides… there isn't enough water around here for her to control."

I nodded at Asuma and then turned my attention back to the sky. Gaara was holding his own at least.

"What…" Asuma narrowed his eyes. Following his vision I spotted something fall out of the sky. Before I could figure what it was an explosion shook the air. Wincing back and covering my face I looked back up to see sand overhead. I panicked. Where was Gaara? What was happening? I couldn't see him!

Slowly it began to move to the side and I strained my neck trying to see. Asuma put a hand on my shoulder and his grip tightened. I saw what he did. Gaara fell. His opponent was still standing.

Gaara had lost.

Time seemed to speed up and not slow down. I just watched the sky as someone flew away with Gaara in their grips. By the time I was able to form a complete thought Kankuro was already moving out. I looked to the exit of the city and took a step.

Gaara had lost. And now he was being dragged off. Why? Why? Why?

I couldn't think of why. I just wanted him back. I took another step but Asuma held onto my shoulder. Growing a little panicked I looked back at him. Why was he stopping me? Gaara was gone. Someone had to go after him. Kankuro couldn't do it alone. Someone had to help! I glared and shook out of his grasp.

Less than a second Asuma had his hand wrapped around my arm. "No Calista. The Sand nin were right. If that guy could defeat Gaara what chance do you think you have?"

He didn't get it. He didn't get that without trying it would be futile! I tried to jerk away and when he held tight I pulled harder. He grabbed my other shoulder and pulled me against him in a hug. I didn't even notice. Trying to struggle free my mind was freaking out. Gaara was gone. He was Taken! He… he would… I needed to get to him! Asuma was calling out but I couldn't listen. I wouldn't. Why was he so much stronger than me? Why couldn't I break free and get to Gaara? Why w-

My thoughts were cut off by something against my lips. I widened my eyes and looked at Asuma. Slowly my heart steadied and my hands stopped shaking. I didn't notice people were looking or anything else. In an instant my whole body relaxed and I could think. I understood the kiss was a calming one and it worked. I rested against Asuma.

"What should we do now?" Asuma asked another ninja. I didn't listen to the rest of the conversation but leant against Asuma and watched the entrance to the village. Kankuro… I could only pray he was okay. That he had at least survived even if he didn't bring Gaara back.

"Did you get that Calista?"

I looked up at Asuma, shaking my head.

"I am going to return to the hidden leaf village and see what I can do. You are going to stay here to join the Konoha ninja when they arrive. And if those guys come back for whatever reason they need someone with your range and type of attacks. Do you understand? You are under Baki's command." Asuma moved away.

I nodded. This was what needed to be done.

Asuma left and the village was quiet. I was assigned to the entrance wall and I did not leave it. Nobody spoke to me except for brief orders. As the hours ticked by I saw something on the horizon. No matter how hard it was fought, hope rose.

But it was betrayed. It was not Gaara being carried back but Kankuro. Things weren't looking good. As much as I wanted t go to his side I knew it was more important I stay on the wall. I didn't leave it that night and it wasn't until the next morning that I was forced to go and sleep. I didn't.

Why was Gaara taken? Was it because of what he was? Why would they want a demon inside of him? How could they even know about it. Then what if it was for leverage against the village. If the attacker came back demanding we surrender to him or he kill the kage… well that would explain me being there. I was aware of my skills and if they helped this village in distress then so be it.

I packed that morning though. For the next two days I did not sleep and finally exhaustion caught up with me on the third. I was awoken by a blonde haired boy.

It took me a minute to recognize the goofy face. When I did I would have flipped if it wasn't for the dreary situation.

"Calista! Long time no see." He grinned.

I smiled softly despite myself and climbed out of bed. I was already dressed. _Naruto. It's good to see you. You look a lot stronger. _

"Right? I told you I'd be stronger! Speaking of which… you're coming with us right? To retrieve Gaara?" He said, but before he even finished the sentence I had grabbed my bag. "That's what I thought. We'll save him this time! You can count on it Calista!"

Suddenly I was a little bitter. Could he? Could we? Sasuke wasn't savable… he was still out there. But what about Gaara? Would this be the same?

Negative thoughts were unbecoming. I pushed them away. I had to believe like Naruto did. I had to share the same enthusiasm and goodwill. _You are right. Let's go._

We were going to get Gaara back. Even if it killed us.


	23. Fir

We were accompanied by Sakura, Kakashi, and someone I did not know. They had introduced her as Chiyo and the name seemed familiar. I couldn't quite place it though. She had a gruff attitude about her and for some reason Tsunade came into my head. No time to dwell on it though.

"Which way do we head?" Sakura asked.

And so we began. Flying through the trees I just listened to their conversations. When it got on tailed beasts I perked up. So they knew what Gaara as of course, and so did this old lady. She explained the tailed beasts and I frowned. So there were more? I glanced at Naruto and Sakura. Why weren't they reacting to this information? In fact they looked… well I couldn't describe it. Deep in thought.

Pushing my curiosity aside I sped up a little bit, speeding next to Naruto. I looked at him but said nothing. Eventually one of Kakashi's dogs picked up the scent. We followed that for what seemed like hours.

"Everyone halt!" Kakashi commanded, stopping on the ground. We did so. A dark figure appeared in front of us. His cloak was matching the description of who took Gaaara. But no… not the hair. This man looked a little like Sasuke. Could it be…

"Uchiha Itachi." Naruto said in a serious voice. I snapped my head up. Sasuke never mentioned a brother. Let alone that his brother was a member of the Akatsuki.

I wasn't paying attention to what was being said. I stared at him. His eyes flickered to me and he returned the same calculating gaze. There was no lust there. "Calista." He said so low I don't think anyone but Kakashi and I noticed. I started. How did he know my name?

Before I could write a question Naruto grew hot-headed. I looked down when ordered and listened to the old lady's instructions with care. It seemed challenging. I sort of wished I fought more with Sasuke's eye power. I also wished I had fought with Neji in an instance other than the exams. It would be nice to experience this. If I got out alive I would try to fight Asuma without meeting his eyes.

When Itachi mentioned the jutsu he had placed on Kakashi I bit my tongue to stay calm. However when Kakashi said he would be the one to fight Itachi I looked up. I wanted to know how this man knew me. My eyes met Itachi's right then. He looked at me as if he was seeing my soul. As if he knew who I was. But I had never before met him.

"Who are you?" I mouthed. He did not respond but I knew he understood. He had those eyes.

Before anything more could be done I was forced back by Naruto when he engaged in a fight. Well I thought I was. I heard a noise behind me and spun around. I almost stumbled. It was Itachi. I glanced back but the other Itachi as gone. So were Sakura and Naruto and the elder lady and Kakashi.

I raised my hands to make a seal.

"Don't do that." Itachi spoke. His voice was a little like Sasuke's and it caused a small pang in the heart.

"Who are you?" I mouthed again.

"You know who I am."

"How do you know me?" I asked, still mouthing the words and knowing he could read my lips.

"That is none of your concern. I will warn you though. Stay away from the Akatsuki. No good will come of your involvement. Run away. Not just from here but from Konoha."

The way he said it made me want to obey. "Why?" I asked.

He offered me no answer but faded away. Suddenly I was back standing behind everyone. Their attention was on Naruto and not on the always-quiet me. I looked at Itachi and shivered. Run away… Why did he tell me that?

It was over faster than it began. Naruto took Itachi out with a move I had not seen before. In the end It seemed Itachi wasn't really Itachi. So then who sent me that warning? Was it still Itachi or the man impersonating him? The confusion was too great. And I had bigger things to worry about than a warning to stay away from the Akatsuki.

Like Gaara.

"There's no mistake about it… they've already started to extract the Bijuu. Perhaps they wish to use the one tail to make a new Jinchuuriki." Chiyo frowned.

"Then there's no time. We must hurry to save Gaara." Kakashi turned away.

"Jinchuuriki?" Sakura asked the question I had been considering.

"Like I said. Since the Bijuu have such inconceivable power… every country wanted to use them for military affairs. A Jinchuuriki is… so to speak, something that exists to control that power. " When Chiyo spoke of the Jinchuuriki like they were mere tools I had to look away to get my anger in check.

"But you said before nobody could ever control that power." Sakura protested.

Chiyo sighed. "That is how it is yes, but still… over time people have tried to control that power by stealing the bijuu in humans. By doing that the power of the Bijuu is compressed and that power can be directed. And those who have Bijuu sealed in them like Gaara were called Jinchuuriki. "

I looked at Chiyo and waited for her to continue, noticing Naruto acting off. "The feature of the Jinchuuriki is that they can resonate with bijuu and can use inconceivable power. Including Gaara… in the history of the sand three Jinchuuriki have appeared so far."

"These Jinchuuriki have been used… many times for war haven't they?" Sakura said softly. I knew what she was feeling. It was disgusting.. and so sad. Chiyo confirmed her question with a yes.

"Then… The ones made in Jinchuuriki…" Sakura paused and looked at Naruto. Slowly my brain turned and started to form hypotenuses. Before I could get any solid idea's though, Sakura interrupted with a better question. "How do you remove a Bijuu?"

"If for even an instant, a sealing jutsu which releases the same exact amount of power to match up with the Bijuu is used… then a Jinchuuriki can be removed. It takes a considerable amount of time though." Chiyo seemed to say those words with a heavy heart. I remember what was said about stalling earlier.

"You mean…" Sakura couldn't finish her sentence.

Chiyo did it for her. "Yes.. if the Bijuu is extracted that Jinchuuriki will…die."

Tensing up I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked at Kakashi. Chiyo continued. "The two I mentioned before… the Jinchuuriki of the sand apart from Gaara… had the Shukaku extracted from their bodies. And this caused their Deaths.

I felt like I could tear up myself but I remembered how disappointed Asuma would be in me and instead bit the inside of my cheak. Sakura didn't have that same Resolve.

"Your always being moved to tears Sakura. I told you not to worry. Because I'll rescue Gaara." Naruto grinned.

I frowned. I didn't know Sakura cared so much about Gaara. She never really knew him.

"Naruto! It's you I'm-"

"C'mon let's hurry!" Naruto interrupted whatever Sakura was going to say and I stared curiously. What was she going to say?

Nevertheless I obeyed Naruto along with the others and we took to the trees again. The time for talk was growing old. Moving was more convenient. We could talk after we rescued Gaara. I was taking up the rear, listening to Chiyo and Kakashi. I was sure they knew I was there but they talked as if they didn't.

"why is that child wanting to go so far to save Gaara? He's not of his village." Chiyo wondered, watching the boy who was ahead of us all. "Moreover what could h-"

"He is also a Jinchuuriki. The Kyuubi was sealed in him." Kakashi said matter-o-factly. I almost stumbled on a branch. My eyes went to the blond boy. I never knew… he had never told me. That he was bearing a burdon just like Gaara's. That he was alone just like him. "Indeed to Naruto, He's not doing this for the sand. But he is a Jinchuuriki just like Gaara. More than anyone in the sand Naruto had understood his feelings. The kind of treatment a Jinchuuriki receives. Since no matter the village there's no difference. To Naruto Gaara is a companion who knows the same pain as him.

"Naruto's dream is to become Hokage. When he heard Gaara had become Kazekage he seemed fairly disappointed in himself. But on the other hand Naruto was also congratulatory and gave his own blessing from the depths of his heart. Naruto has a mysterious power… Even without saying much he can become friends with anyone."

Kakashi's words made some things clear to me. I let myself fall behind a little more out of earshot. So that was why I could never get to Gaara. Why only Naruto could break through. Only Naruto had known his pain.

* * *

We arrived to the scent of Gaara. Or where we thought Gaara would be. It was a large Brick wall. I looked at Lee, Gai, Neji and TenTen. I wasn't aware they would be backing us up.

"Right! Let's go for it Kakashi!" Gai Cheered us on. "First off, this Barrier eh Kakashi? How do we take it out?"

I looked at the wall. Barriers were something I hadn't studied enough on. I needed to ask Shikaku about it when we got home.

"This particular Five Seal Barrier is created with tokens with Kin written on them in five places in the vicinity." Kakashi started to explain all eyes on him. "The kin token you see in front of you and the other tokens are in the four other places. To remove the barrier all of them must be detached."

It sounded simple enough. Neji servayed the area looking for the others. I wished I had an eye power like him. It seemed to useful… and it only took him a few seconds before he knew where each of them were. "Found them. On a rock about 500 meters north-east of here. On the trunk of a tree on a river bank 350 meters South-east. On a wall of rock about 650 meters north-west. And inside a grove about 800 meters South-west."

"Right! If that's the range We'll use these Radios! While We're taking Neji's directions we can keep in communication. And We'll find the locations of the Tokens!" Gai gave a thumbs up and his team moved out. We watched before turning back to the wall. My only thought now was Gaara. He was so close…

Be strong Gaara. I thought.

Sakura used her fist to break through the wall when she was given a signal. I took it that the barrier was gone for the wall broke. I didn't waste any time before rushing inside with the rest of them. Chiyo and Sakura ran to that right and Kakashi and Naruto ran to the left. I was in the middle. My eyes widened. Two figures and a large bird sat on the ground.

No…

Not the ground.

On Gaara.

I gasped. No… he was just unconscious. Right?

"Well then… I wonder which one of you is the Jinchuuriki."

"You Bastards! I'LL KILL THE BOTH OF YOU!" Naruto shouted, trying to restrain himself. He was voicing the anger I couldn't.

Instead I fell to my knees and covered my mouth. This had to be a bad dream. Any moment I would wake up to Asuma. Or even better I would be back in the cottage with Gaara. This did not happen…

But it had.

I had lost Gaara.


	24. STAND!

"Well it seems like it might be that one." The blonde girl/guy and nodded to Naruto. He then scanned the rest of us. He looked at me and then at his partner. I saw a look exchanged, but didn't think about it at the time.

Gaara… I glanced at Kakashi and then Naruto.

"GAARA! What're you doing there lazily? Stand the hell up! HEY! Gaara! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!"

I listened to Naruto. His pleas. I almost reached out for him.

'Stop Naruto…" Kakashi said softly. He looked at me but I was determined not to return the glance.

"You should understand..." Kakashi spoke not just to Naruto.

'Yeah yeah! Don't you get it? He's well dead mm?" the blonde taunted. I clenched my fists. Him. This was his fault.

Naruto shook with anger before he charged. "Give… give him back. GIVE Gaara BACK YOU BASTARDS!" Before he could reach them Kakashi intervened.

My hands wrapped around my shoulders. He was dead. Gaara was dead… no. It couldn't be. Not Strong Gaara. Not…

"Calista…" Sakura called softly. I looked over at her and wiped my eyes. I knew they were watering. Surely there was a way to save Gaara maybe. If he was still alive.

"WAIT THE HELL UP!" Naruto hollered after the blonde.

Noticing that he had Gaara I looked at Kakashi he nodded. Without another moment of hesitation I took off after Naruto. After Gaara. Kakashi was heading outside too, but he went towards the other team. He was trusting us to take care of this.

"Calista… What do you know about this guy?" Naruto asked, his teeth gritted.

As he ran I wrote on my pad, my hand shaky. I tossed it to him. _I know he uses explosions. He uses underhanded methods. He's no good alive…_

"I wasn't planning on leaving him breathing." Naruto hissed in anger. I was glad. I never felt the urge to kill before… before now.

We stopped on a red pole that had fallen and looked up at the blonde man. "GIVE GAARA BACK!"

I looked up at him and narrowed my eyes. There was a lot of water around. That would be convenient.

"Are you really sure you want to waste your time on ME? Calista White dragon of the village hidden in hot water. " The blonde whose name I presumed was Deidara from the other Akatsuki member said.

I narrowed my eyes. Could this guy not read a forehead protector? I was clearly from the leaf. But… he knew my name? how? Naruto glanced at me. I showed him that I was just as confused.

"You know my man Sasori is probably a more dangerous opponent than I am. As much as I hate to say that. Hm. His idea of art is very different than mine."

He was trying to get Naruto alone so he could do what they did to Gaara I was sure of it. I was not about to fall for it. Glaring at him, I spared a glance back.

"Ah… seems they started. How confident are you in that young girl and the old lady? You really think they're good enough to handle my man Sasori?"

I didn't budge. He was claiming his partner was strong but he defeated the Kazekage. He defeated Gaara. There was no way I could leave Naruto to be captured by him.

"Go on Calista. Go to Sakura. I'll handle this. I'll save Gaara!" Naruto surprised me by yelling before launching at the blonde.

I frowned. Was he stupid? You don't just charge at an enemy like that! I stayed still watching for a millisecond before my eyes widened. The winged man flew out of the way and Naruto clashed into a rock wall. When Deidara threw some white thing, I remembered Suna. Those things exploded!

I launched. Making the sign for Tiger and then dog, blowing out and causing an ice spike to fly into the bird and force it away. It flew back and then exploded. I watched carefully. Something shot out and I knocked it away with a quickly drawn kunai.

"You're not too bad Calista." Deidara smirked. Next to me Naruto pushed his way out of the rocks.

"LET GO OF HIM!" Naruto demanded.

"You're quite an unusual Jinchuuriki aren't you?" Deidara was grinning. "I thought you were all little loners who didn't care about anyone else"

Naruto was loosing it. He wasn't keeping his cool. Deidara knew that. "To date we've destroyed two Jinchuuriki. Not including HIM of course. But nobody ever tried to save them from us of course. Not a single friend or neighbor. Not a soul came to their aid. Hm. In fact... it seemed like most people were happy to finally happy to be rid of them."

I looked down at the water. He was antagonizing, but it was working. It struck an extremely sour note in me. Unlike Naruto though, I wasn't at risk of acting out.

"You can't forsake your own kind can you? You feel connected to this pathetic Creature. What a shame… Gaara died when the one tail was extracted from him. Very soon now the same thing will happen. To you."

I gritted my teeth and gripped my Kunai so hard I felt wet warmth. The only thing that stopped me from rushing in was Naruto. I looked at him with concern.

"IF GAARA'S DEAD YOU'RE GONNA PAY!" He shouted.

Before he could act I did. I made three hand signs and sent a jet of water up and towards Sasori. He dodged it, but a little bit landed on his coat sleeve. I kept that in mind. In truth the whole plan of attack had been to keep Naruto at bay.

"Damn it all to hell! I've had it! Hand over Gaara!" Naruto cursed. I looked back behind me. Sakura was being awfully noisy.

"You bastard!" Naruto grunted when Deidara flew away. "COWARD!"

I took off after Naruto.

"Stay back Calista!"

I shook my head. He was falling into this trap. He should have helped to defeat the other man first. Then go after Deidara as a team. Now the others were left alone to hold their own. I didn't know if they could win let alone stay alive. There was a good chance they wouldn't be alive much longer. We needed to hurry up and get back to them!

Deidara sent three more of those white birds out after us.

_Naruto! _I silently screamed, moving my hands fast as possible to bring forth three more ice crystals. I could only send one out to a stray white bird that didn't explode on Naruto. The others did. Panicked I watched as he pulled himself up from a log.

"Damnit." He hissed.

"Calista!" I was just about to reach him when I noticed a bird fly from out of nowhere. It was the third one! How had I been so stupid to think two had exploded on Naruto? Before I could block it an explosion was made. My water armor rippled but diffused the explosion.

Naruto headed out towards Deidara once more and I frowned. The radios would be out of range. I couldn't use one because I was mute but Naruto had one. Not that he would think of it…

Deidara looked back again, his hand in his pocket. He glanced at Naruto and my eyes narrowed. He was planning something. They were always planning something. I tried to think of what Shikaku always said. Cool head, Agile mind. I needed to take that advice and think. Think about what was going on.

This guy used explosions. If I sent anything big at him he would blast it away. I needed to use something smaller. Lots of smaller stuff. My water armor would only protect me to a certain extent. What if I got moisture on him? He had some on his sleeve already. If only I had a ninja who could manipulate the weather with me. If I got Deidara wet… well then I might be able to use that. And his explosives might not work when wet. It was a long shot but I had a goal.

Deidara had a different one.

I sped up to try and be closer to Naruto and catch his eye. He didn't notice. He was too caught up with anger.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw one of those white birds fly at Naruto. With a hiss I sent the water that I was using as armor towards it, knocking it away. I didn't stop there though; I made the water completely engulf the bird until it exploded. I sighed in relief. "Thanks…" Naruto grunted.

_The first move is always a feint. _That's what I thought when I saw another figure flying for us.

But no… this wasn't planned. This wasn't set from Deidara.

I stopped on a log and Naruto on the one just past me.

"What the… what do you think you're doing taking my prey Hidan?" Deidara yelled down at us, his smirk turned into a frown.

Shit…

Black robes with clouds on it. There was no mistaking it. This was another member of the Akatsuki. I looked him over thoroughly. He had hair that was white like mine, but a tad bit darker. His eyes were purple. His weapon was intimidating. A triple-bladed scythe.

Something about him looked… familiar. As if I had seen him before. But I couldn't have. I would have recognized him. His looks were very distinct.

"HAH! So Itachi was right! The bitch is here." He grinned, looking at me.

WHY! Why did they all know who I was? Why was there an interest? I needed to find out. Maybe he would tell me.

"Calista…" Naruto looked at me.

I bit my lip. I needed a way to escape. There was no way Naruto and I could take out two Akatsuki members. We were relying on reinforcements just to take out one! This was bad bad bad!

I glanced at Naruto and then at Deidara. Deidara smirked. "Care to take her off my hands?"

NO! This wasn't supposed to happen. We would both die if we separated!

"Damn right!" The crazy man laughed. "I've been waiting for this for a while!"

"YOU BASTARD! COWARD! You have to call reinforcements just to deal with us!" Naruto went off again. "It doesn't matter! I'll kill you both!"

"Oh shut up you brat! I wasn't talking to you! I'm talking to Calista!" Hidan pulled out his scythe and with an expert grip spun it in front of him. I tried my best to study every inch of him. The way he moved. The way he breathed. Even how he flexed his fingers.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the large white bird start to fly away. "WAIT! You wont get away!" Naruto took a step to run after Deidara. He stopped and looked at me. "Don't worry about me Calista. I'll get Gaara back. You just take care of this bastard and when I'm done I'll come back and help you!"

I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back and then turned around and left. Deidara had his way. We were separated.

"Well aren't you goanna say something?" The one named Hidan scratched his chin. "Ask me who I am or how I know ya?"

I stayed silent. He seemed a little impatient. Cocky. He had a bad mouth. That scythe was a threat. Well… it would be if I was a close range fighter. Luckily most of my Jutsu was far range.

But I didn't know if I could defeat this guy.

"WELL?" He shouted.

I spread my legs apart. Hidan did the same. He grinned down at me from a higher log. Without a moment's hesitation I formed hand signs and slashed my left hand down, sending five blasts of razor sharp wind-blades towards the man. He blocked them with his scythe as if they were nothing.

He did it effortlessly too. So he could wield that thing perfectly. No surprise. He was a member of the Akatsuki after all. People like him could defeat Kage's…

I weighed my options. I couldn't defeat him. So I needed to stall him for backup. The only person with any flexibility was Kakashi… Chiyo and Sakura were in a tough battle on their own and if Lee or anyone else finished then they would go and assist them. That left Kakashi.

"HEY! I'm talking to you!"

Suddenly Hidan was reminding me a little of Naruto. I ignored him and he narrowed his eyes.

In a blur of movement he charged with his scythe. I made the seal for the tiger. In front of me a sphere of water formed and from it shot a dozen jests of water. This was one of my oldest techniques. Water release: Water Dragon Whip.

Hidan dodged most of them and what he didn't dodge he knocked aside with his scythe. "Not too shabby. Sick that you have to rely on that weak element stuff though!" Hidan shook his head in disgust.

What was he talking about? Most shinobi used elemental type Jutsu unless they had a bloodline trait. I didn't have one but that didn't make me weak.

"Still giving me the silent treatment Calista?"

There he went again, saying my name. I didn't have time to think before he charged at me again. I dodged and moved to respond with an ice Jutsu. Before I could he hopped back and to the edge of the valley, standing on ground. I reluctantly moved closer. Before a jutsu could be prepared he charged at me again. I barely ducked before his scythe swished above me.

I retreated, jumping back a few meters. He stared down at me. For a second neither of us said a word.

I would take all the time I could. My goal was to distract him until Kakashi got here to help me.

As if on cue I Kakashi leapt into sight, landing besides me. He wasn't panting or seeming tired so things must be okay back with Sakura. His eyes went to me and then Hidan. "Well well well, looks like there's another one." He said as if this wasn't a huge problem. "where's Naruto?"

I tilted my head in the direction he went and made my hands into a bird flapping. Kakashi got it. He looked at me and I looked back. At first I was relieved. Kakashi could help me now. Together we might be able to pull this off or at least push this guy back. Right?

No… Something hit me. There were three fights going on. The ones that needed the most assistance belonged to me and Naruto. But there was only one Kakashi. He could only help one of us. I looked at Hidan and then back at Kakashi. If he could only help one of us… could only save one of us… it was clear who that would be. Naruto was much more valuable to the village. And he was a Jinchuuriki. If they caught him they would do the same thing to him that they did to Gaara.

"Go." I mouthed, clenching my fists.

"I'm sorry Calista." Kakashi put a hand on my shoulder before he sped off.

It was just me now.

"Heh let me guess. You can't speak can you? To think that that was the one imperfection in your creation." Hidan's laughter reminded me of just what I was facing. What did he mean creation? Well… we were all created I guessed.

I couldn't help but feel that there was more to it. More that I wouldn't press to know. I had to defeat this man. Either defeat him or make him go away. I couldn't die just yet. If I did he would go after the others. I had to hold on for a while.

"What? Can't even nod your head?"

I shook it no just to piss him off. It did and his eyebrow visibly twitched.

"That's no way to treat me." He spat, charging again with his scythe. He threw it at me, holding onto a small rope.

I moved to the side but before I could form a hand sign he pulled. The Scythe that had just gone past me came back. The tip of the third curved blade went into my shoulder, piercing through completely. I gasped. How could I have not seen that coming? Was it the fatigue from lack of sleep? Was it my distraught over Gaara? Knowing I would probably die? Or… was it just a pure lack of skill?

Ignoring the pain, I grabbed his scythe and jumped, kicking off the handle and ripping it out of me before yanking it towards me. Hidan's arm went out which was all I needed. I called out for my wind blades and sent three to his arm. He would have to do something or he would be cut.

He tossed his scythe to the other hand, catching the rope even as I pulled on it. The blades missed his arm when he pulled it back. Not wasting any time He yanked hard and I was forced to duck and watch as the scythe returned to him. He slashed out again and I nimbly dodged it. How could I perform my Jutsu like this? His close range combat was so good I couldn't escape.

Holding out my arm I waited for ice crystals to form all along it. They turned into a blade of ice that was joined up to my shoulder. It also covered the wound I had sustained earlier.

"What's the matter? I would have thought you liked pain!" Hidan cackled.

Huh? Most people didn't like pain so… ugh. He was trying to distract me. I frowned and gathered my senses. I was pretty sure Sakura was done by now. Naruto was probably getting close. I could hurry up now… I could end this fight no matter what that conclusion was.

Hidan gripped his scythe and charged. I moved as well. We met in the air several times exchanging blows. Each time he outmatched me and pushed me back. IT seemed to go on forever and I was amazed he hadn't dealt any more damage to me. I needed to think though… how I could end this. Finally I used the momentum of one particularly strong blow he dealt to flip backwards, landing a few meters away. Hidan started to charge again.

I took a deep breath before shouting without any sound: ICE RELEASE: Wolf Torrent.

Hidan stopped as behind me three large white wolves charged. They were made of ice but had yellow eyes. One to the left of me and one to the right. The third one moved right through me and towards the man. Together the three of them charged onto him. I held out my arm and waited as an ice blade formed around it. Then I charged. For Naruto and Kakashi and Sakura and Kankuro and Temari and Shikaku and Jiraiya and Asuma and… and Gaara, I would do this. I moved as fast as I could while he tried to swipe the wolves away.

Then I plunged. Using my strength I forced my way through his ribs and then into his heart. I could barely believe it. I sighed. It was over. It was so easy though… to think that this was all a member of the Akatsuki possessed. I had won though… Hidan was dead.

"HAHAHA!"

My eyes widened. W-what? Hidan was moving I started to take a step back in pure horror, looking at his insane face. There was blood around his heart. I knew I pierced him… how… how…

How?

"Not too bad Sis, but not good enough." Hidan pulled on his scythe. I cried out in silent agony as it slashed all across my front. I fell to the ground, looking up at the sky. Hidan moved into my view and looked down at me. I gritted my teeth.

Stand...

I raised my arm.

Stand.

I pushed myself into a sitting position.

Stand!

My vision flashed red and I bent over, forcing my legs to bend.

STAND!

I wobbled, my legs felt so heavy as I rose.

**STAND!**

With cloudy sight I looked into the eyes of Hidan, standing to my full height. I wouldn't give up that easily. Until I was dead. I would bring Gaara back! I would help Naruto rescue him! And I... I wouldn't sit back this time and watch Naruto do all the work. This time I wanted to be of some use!

"Tch still standing Eh?" Hidan teased, scythe in hand.

Blood pooled beneath me. I swallowed, fording my head up and my expression solid. Suddenly my torso didn't hurt that bad. I took a step towards Hidan. I took a step for everyone I cared about. Ice started to form around my arm before it dissipated. I couldn't summon it...

The closer I got the less Hidan smiled. "Yer gonna kill yourself girl."

I stopped a few inches from him and reached out, my hand on his throat. I didn't even have the strength to squeeze. I had lost too much blood. I looked him in the eyes.

And I smiled.

The last thing I remembered was pain all along my torso and the smell of lemons.

I had lost. Somehow he had revived himself and I was the looser. At least I managed to hold him off for a little bit. At least I gave Naruto some time. It wasn't the way I wanted to die but it was a good way. To die in battle… for a friend.

My last thought as everything faded was of Naruto_. Fly Naruto. Fly..._


	25. Death Guard

"Calista? Thank god!"

I opened my eyes to see a pink head hovering over me. I looked at both Sakura and lady Chiyo. Lee and Guy and Kakashi and TenTen and Neji were also there. I looked between them all and they returned the stare.

I was alive? But how… I had lost. I felt pain in my torso and-

I tried to sit up but immediately my body refused and I fell back down. I felt a warm pain in my torso and would have cried out had I not been a mute.

"Hold still. When we found you there was a lot of blood… and damage. I healed the most I could but until we get back to Suna there's little else I can do." Sakura bit her cheek.

I nodded, but looked away. Why was I here? And what was up with Hidan's last words to me. Sis? Was that a slang? OF course it was. It had to be.

"Easy Calista. You suffered a heavy blow." Kakashi helped me stand up. My body protested but I did so anyways. The field we were on was grassy and the sun was shining. It would have been nice.

But there was someone else here. On the ground. Sakura walked over and huddled above him. I nudged Kakashi and reluctantly he moved with me closer.

Gaara…

He seemed so peaceful. Like he was sleeping. What if that was it? What if he was just unconscious or asleep? What if the extraction hadn't hurt him?

"…Sakura" Naruto looked expectantly at her. We all did.

She shook her head and stepped away. I blinked away tears. Kakashi and Sakura helped me move forward a little. I pushed Kakashi away and I fell to my knees besides him. My tears didn't listen when I begged them not to come.

Gaara looked at peace for the first time in his life. As if all his trouble had been washed away. One of my tears landed on his cheek, and another. I bent down. I knew I opened up the cut on my torso but the pain in my heart was so much worse. We had all fought so hard to get him back and risked our lives. There were finally people who loved and cared about him. Just when he was accepted this happened.

I buried my face into his chest and cried. This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. I hadn't even gotten a proper chance to talk to him. What if… what if I helped him when he fought Deidara? What if I ignored Asuma and went after him? I should have! If I had he might be here! WHY! Why! Why…

Naruto spoke the words I could not. "Why was it Gaara… always Gaara… to die like this! He's the Kazekage. He didn't just become the Kazekage."

"Relax Naruto." Chiyo said softly.

"SHUTUP!" Naruto screamed. His voice was broken up with tears.

"If you shinobi of the sand hadn't put a monster in Gaara then nothing like this would have happened! Did any of you even think to ask Gaara how he felt?" I cried harder at his words but it was unnoticed as they were quiet. Naruto was the only one who could understand his pain. Not even I, his first friend, could.

"What is this Jinchuuriki anyway? You just arrogantly made up that word to call them!"

And Naruto broke down. "I couldn't save Sasuke… and I couldn't save Gaara. For three years I trained desperately… but nothing's changed since three years ago, has it?

I looked up at Naruto and grabbed his hand. He helped me stand and I reached for his face. In the only gesture of comfort I could give, I kissed each of his tear-stained cheeks. He cried harder and I leaned against him to keep standing. We were a sorry pair but Gaara meant the most to us.

When Chiyo moved towards Gaara. I didn't react at first. Not until Sakura yelled. "Lady Chiyo! That Jutsu is…"

A look cut her off. I frowned. "What're you trying to do now?" Naruto asked my question for me.

"That's…" Guy looked serious.

"Yes…" Kakashi confirmed.

What was going on? Naruto voiced that question as well.

"She's bringing Gaara back." Sakura shot Naruto a look.

I gasped. Was that possible? How could you do that? It… it wasn't...

"You can really do something like that?" Naruto held desperation in his voice.

Sakura answered that yes… only Lady Chiyo could.

"DAMN! Not enough Chakra!" Chiyo panted.

I took a wobbly step away from Naruto and lent on Neji instead. Naruto stepped forward. "Please… use my Chakra! Old lady can you do that?"

Chiyo directed him and we waited with bated breath. Was this truly possible? Should I get my hopes up? Hopes that Gaara would return to us? That perhaps this wasn't all in vain…

When Chiyo spoke again we all listened. She gave advice to Naruto and Sakura, advice I tried to forget. It was not for my ears. When she did say my name I snapped my head that way. "Calista, White Dragon of the Leaf… you were the first one to accept Gaara. Forgive what he has done to you and help him become a stronger man. He needs you now more than ever. Show him… that he can be loved once more."

I sniffed a few times at her words. I didn't have to be told to forgive him. Of course I did. Then Chiyo went still and fell into Sakura.

"Gaara?" Naruto asked. Slowly Gaara opened his eyes and looked up at the blonde.

"This is…" He looked at me and then behind me. I hadn't even realized that such a large crowd had gathered all around us. I smiled. This is what Gaara deserved.

"Everyone came running to Save you!" Naruto laughed. "You sure caused us a lot of trouble."

"Damn right! You're just a little brother causing me all kinds of worries." Kankuro came up to stand besides me. He looked at me and at my red torso and frowned, patting my shoulder.

"Jeez what's with you two, talking so big? Gaara's the Kazekage remember? So don't be giving him any lip." Temari interrupted and I smiled despite myself. "You're both just little grunts."

Pushing Naruto aside Temari leaned over Gaara. "Gaara how are you?"

Slowly Gaara made an effort to stand. I wanted to help him but this was a pride thing and even if I could I wouldn't.

I was deep in thought that I didn't notice two girls nudge me aside to get to the Kazekage. I blinked. Since when was he that popular with the ladies? I wasn't really jealous-well maybe a tad bit-but I frowned. Neji looked at me before pulling off his jacket and putting it over me. It was strange. We hadn't had too much contact before. "You OK?"

I nodded, looking down at my torso. It was bare except a white wrap all the way around me. I supposed it did look… rather revealing. I hadn't had time to see the damage yet, but I could tell it wasn't too good. When I got back to the leaf I'd ask a medic to look at it.

"Good."

"Hey Calista! What kinds of guys do you like?" Naruto hollered over to me as Neji helped me over in their direction. I blinked, thinking. I didn't know how to answer an embarrassing question like that.

"Naruto that's inappropriate" Neji cleared his throat. I laughed.

"Thank you Naruto." Kankuro said, difusing the situation. I smiled softly.

"Don't thank me. It's the old lady over there that saved him." He corrected.

Our eyes went over there and I noticed Sakura wasn't smiling. She had tears in her eye looking at lady Chiyo. Kankuro grew serious as well.

"She's just a little tired and is taking a nap now... but when she gets back to the village she'll be as good as-"

"You're wrong…" Kankuro interrupted Naruto. "That wasn't a medic ninjutsu. That was a Tensei Ninjutsu. Lazy Chiyo is… dead."

I gasped. I had expected something like that but… it was too horrible.

"What are you talking about?" Naruto didn't seem to want it to be true.

"In exchange for her own life… she was able to use that ninjutsu to revive a dead person." Everyone around us sobered up. "There was a time in the suna puppet corps when research and development was conducted on a jutsu intended to give puppets life. And lady chiyo stood at the forefront of that Jutsu. While the theory of the jutsu itself was developed, somewhere along the line before experiments were conducted with actual humans, the jutsu was classified as forbidden under having far too much risk. After which it was sealed away."

I sighed and looked at Naruto and then Chiyo. It was sad that things had to end this way.

Gaara called a moment of silence and prayers for lady Chiyo and I too closed my eyes. When I opened them I found myself looking at Gaara. He was no longer alone. People started heading to the village but stayed behind. Naruto noticed and walked up to me. "You coming?"

I shook my head. I wouldn't be going to Suna.

"Why not?" Naruto frowned.

"It isn't the place for her."

I almost jumped as an arm went around my waste. I looked up at Asuma and put my arm over his shoulder so he could support me.

"Asuma!" Naruto grinned. "Your late!"

"Just in time to take this brat home though." He winked at me. "I'll catch you guys in a few days."

"Oh… Okay! We can spar when I get back Calista!" Naruto ran off to catch up to Gaara.

The read head turned back and looked right at me. I smiled, and then I turned around. I had accomplished what I had meant to do. And now It was time to go home with Asuma.

* * *

Don't worry guys! She'll be back in Suna in a chapter or two :D (evil face)

And yes, most of the dialogue is taken directly from Naruto (The manga). The part where Naruto asked what kind of guys Calista likes is because at that moment Kankuro as telling him guys with power like Gaara would always be popular with the ladies. I could just see Naruto asking something boldly like that haha.


	26. Someone Like You

So I got CRAZY muse and I wrote five chapters. I finally figured out where this story was going to go, Calista's past (Which will be reveled in 3-4 chapters) how she is going to hook up with who she is going to be with, the chain of events etc. Its a little far fetched but I like it and am going to go with it. Hope you guys like where this story is going to go...

P.S. Because its turning out so long I might make it into two parts. A sequel at a certain point.

Oh and P.S.X2... I'm now naming my chapters after the songs that influenced them :P

* * *

It took us four days to reach Konoha. We traveled slowly due to my injuries. As soon as I did get back I was sent to lie in a hospital bed. Asuma constantly grumbled at how I had reopened the cut. He understood why I did not want to go back to Suna. Besides, I needed to give lady Tsunade my report on Hidan.

But I wasn't sure if I was going to include what he said. Sis? Why did he call me that? And why were they insisting I came from a hidden village that didn't even exist anymore? But… they knew me. They knew my name. And what Hidan said about me being a creation also bothered me.

"Calista!" A voice to my right made me snap my head. I blinked.

White hair, red face marks, that weird headband… Jiraiya!

I tried to sit up and fling my arms around him but the pain forced me back down.

"Careful." He looked down at me, moving to lean against the window and look out. "You know I hoped to see you fight when I got back but it seems that won't happen for a little bit."

I nodded sadly, reaching over to the table besides the hospital bed and looking at him.

"But you went up against a member of the Akatsuki and survived. That shows you improved."

I didn't like the look of pride he gave me at that. _I lost… I wasn't prepared and I underestimated him. He was just toying with me. I don't understand why he didn't kill me._

When Jiraiya wrote what I had written he sighed. "You went up against someone named Hidan. We don't know much about him. He originally came from the village hidden in hot water. From what our sources and you tell us… he can't be killed."

I nodded. That sounded right. He couldn't be killed… but how? Was it a trait from the village hidden i-

I froze, looking at Jiraiya. _Did you say village hidden in hot water?_

Jiraiya nodded."Yes. Does it mean something to you?"

I looked closely at Jiraiya. Could I trust him? I did trust him but… _"Run away. Run away from the leaf village." _I remembered Itachi's words. Why was he telling me that? Was it a trap?

"Calista?"

I looked at Jiraiya. I had to trust him. _The Akatsuki… they acted weird._

"What do you mean?"

_Before we found Gaara we were stopped by Itachi. He knew me. He called me by my name and then he told me to run away from both the Akatsuki and… and the hidden leaf village. Something about how he said it made me believe it wasn't a trick. He was serious. I couldn't understand why._

"That… is odd." Jiraiya was serious and not playful. He was looking in my eyes. "But it may have just been a decoy to get you away from the rest of them."

I nodded before scribbling some more. _But that's not all. When I arrived where Gaara was, Deidara and Sasori looked at me strangely. Then when we pursued Deidara he called me White Dragon of the village hidden in hot water. That village was turned into a regular one before I was born though. But that wasn't the strangest thing. _

Jiraiya looked at the pad and stayed quiet for a good moment. "What else was there Calista"

_Hidan called me his sister right before he struck me down. He said that my voice as the only mistake in my creation. I don't get it Jiraiya…_

"It's probably just something they said to mess with your mind. Don't worry about it Calista. Just get some rest. After Tsunade heals yer wounds completely we can spar a little eh?"

I smiled and nodded despite how unsure I was feeling. Jiraiya was hiding something from me. When he wanted to tell me he could.

"And Calista, let's keep this conversation our secret. The Hokage is the only one who needs to know."

That made me blink. I nodded dumbly. If it was nothing why couldn't I tell Asuma or Shikaku?

Jiraiya left me alone in the room to wait for Tsunade to get a free moment. Asuma hadn't come back and I was wondering what he was doing. He was probably off with his team doing something. After all he hadn't seen them for two and a half years. He deserved the break away from me.

The minutes ticked by and turned into hours. I fiddled my thumbs and was about to fall asleep when the door opened.

"Calista. Welcome back. Asuma tells me your training was a success." Lady Tsunade pulled up a chair and sat next to me, looking through a file.

My head tilted down in confirmation. _It went well… _

She raised an eyebrow at my downcast face but said nothing. I was hoping she figured that the reason was my fight with Hidan. I was still upset at how outclassed I had been. And over his words of course…

Tsunade looked at a file in her hands and then at me and then back at her file. I averted my eyes out of self-consciousness. Why was she looking at me like that? After a minute it stopped and she cleared her throat. She pulled the sheet down and looked at my torso. The red blotchy cut was across my waist. The only modesty I had was a wrap around my chest.

"It doesn't look that bad. It should only take a few minutes to heal…"

_Then couldn't someone else have done it Lady Tsunade? With all due respect of course. _I asked sheepishly. It seemed like a waste to have her busy doing this when there was else to be done.

"Someone else could heal it but… there's something else I'm curious about. If I may?" She laughed and moved her hands up to my throat.

I widened my eyes but stayed still as she touched it, closing her eyes. A dozen minutes passed and she opened them with a smile. "Calista I understand that a medical ninja in the sand was going to look at your throat. It's not possible for it to be done there anymore but… I do believe I can help.

The world went still. She could help? _Do you mean… my voice… you could possibly…_

Tsunade nodded her head. "I believe so. It would be a small surgery but when I was done you would only need a month or so to recover."

_You would do that for me? _It didn't seem real. I had gone four years without speaking and to have it back so suddenly… have back something I had come to rest with never having again.

"Yes I would. You are a ninja of the leaf. I could have it ready this afternoon if you would like?"

I got a little dizzy I shook my head so fast.

"Ok! Let's look at that c-"

"Lady Tsunade! Team Kakashi and Team Guy are back!" The door slammed open and Shizune was there holding her pig.

"Ah well… seems I'll have to finish this after I brief their team." She stood up and turned to leave.

I noticed she left the file behind the one she had been looking at so earnestly. Curiosity got the better of me and I timidly reached over to touch it. Looking around and making sure I was alone. Then I opened it so I could see what was inside. There were a lot of papers but what made me freeze was what was on top of them. It was a picture of Hidan!

Why was she looking at me? Did she really believe we were related? I looked closer at it. His hair was darker… and his eyes were a different color. But his nose and some of his face features… Was that why he looked familiar to me?

I shut the folder. No! It couldn't be true. I didn't have a brother. It was literally impossible for me to be from a village that ceased existing before I was born. Born not created… born…

Right?

* * *

Tsunade kept her promise. Two hours later she returned and closed up my stomach wound. She said there would always be a scar from my left shoulder to my right hip, but it would not pain me. And then she got to work on my throat.

I was asleep for it. At 5:32 I went into that drug-induced-state, and at 6:05 I woke up to see Asuma, Naruto, Kakashi, Shikaku, Jiraiya, and Sakura hovering over me.

I blinked, about to try and speak.

"Don't do that." Jiraiya warned.

I blinked again.

"Lady Tsunade said it should take three weeks for you to completely heal, and trying to talk before then could ruin any progress." Sakura said gently.

I nodded, noticing my throat was bandaged. What if this didn't work? What if I ruined it on mistake? It was a scary thing. An intimidating thing: getting your hopes up again.

"Also yer gonna have to only eat soft foods for a while." Shikaku rubbed the back of his neck.

"Like ramen!" Naruto grinned.

Asuma nudged him. "Tsunade said I could take ya home though. Yer chests all closed up."

It was all overwhelming. So many people talking to me at once. Kakashi put in his input on some foods, Sakura hit Naruto when he said something perverted, and Asuma threw a shoe at Jiraiya when he made a comment on how I wouldn't get any rest if Asuma was the one taking me to my room.

I laughed silently and sat up, wobbling slightly as I got to my feet. Naruto and Jiraiya immediately went to my side to help me. I glowered. I could stand on my own! I was just unaccustomed to it after four days.

"There ya go." Jiraiya grinned. Together the six of us made it out of the hospital and onto the street.

"Well Sakura and Naruto and I need to report for a new mission." Kakashi rubbed the back of his head.

I nodded solemnly and watched them go after a hug from Naruto. I turned to Jiraiya and Asuma and Shikaku. "I should get going too. If I'm late for dinner it will be troublesome."

I smiled at Shikaku and waved . Understandable that he sounded so much like his son.

"So what are you planning to do the rest of the night?" Jiraiya looked me over.

I smiled. _I am waiting for someone to get back from a mission… _

"Oh? Who would that be?" Jiraiya asked.

I was about to open my mouth when I heard it: Barking. Not quite like a dogs, but deeper and more menacing. I dropped my pad and spun around just in time to be pushed onto my but by a large white fur ball.

_Kiyo! _I mentally exclaimed, wrapping my hands around her neck and burying my head in her shoulders. I got a little teary. Kiyo vibrated with Joy.

"That explains it. Was wondering why he ran off all of a sudden."

I looked up and blinked. It was Kiba and… was that Akamaru? Wow… he was so much bigger! In fact he was the same size as Kiyo! I raised a hand and waved to them as Kiyo climbed off of me. Akamaru licked the side of my face.

_It looks like you took good care of him. _I wrote to Kiba.

His face turned a little red and he nodded. "Yeah… He helps us a lot on missions."

"Well Calista just got out of the hospital so no excitement for her." Jiraiya put a hand on my shoulder, helping me up.

"Right. I need to report to the Hokage anyways. I'll see you around Calista!"

I waved my arm a few times in goodbye and then walked the rest of the way with Kiyo, Jiraiya and Asuma. I couldn't stop grinning. First my voice, now I get to see Kiyo again, and I was back with the two people that meant the most to me asides from Naruto and Gaara. What could go wrong?


	27. Bruises and Bitemarks

**Warning: LEMON**

So I am in love with AMV's. Oddly enough Akatsuki and NaruHina and JiraiyaXTsunade ones are what keep my muse going for this story. So yeah... I'll get back to my rice with Kimichi seasoning on it... (A complete breakfast!)

* * *

Asuma walked with me to my room.

"Wow… it's messy in here." He laughed, looking around and wiping some dust off a table.

I nodded. I would have to do some cleaning to get my home in better shape. Kiyo sneezed after sniffing under the bed.

Home… was this my home? Of course Konoha was but this apartment seemed cold.

"I'll stop by tomorrow to spar with you and your Taijutsu for Jiraiya and Kakashi to see. We can go out for lunch before then ne?" He walked over to my fridge and opened it. It was empty. I set my bag down besides my bed and took off the blankets. They needed to be washed before I could use them. I threw them to the side and pulled out my sleeping bag. That would be easier to use.

"You still like him don't ya?" Asuma asked. His voice was quiet but firm and emotionless.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him. What was he talking about?

"The Kazekage that is."

When he clarified I turned back to my bed and busied myself with my sleeping bag. I shook my head no.

"I could see it in your eyes when he was taken. I haven't seen you so concerned for someone since the last Hokage."

I shook my head again, grabbing my pad. _I've come to rest with the fact that we will never be together. And that he is not the person I used to know. He is part of my past. That's all. _

After I finished writing I set the pad down for Asuma to read and turned around again. I did not want to think about this. There was a reason I did not go back to Suna.

I stilled my movements when two strong arms wrapped themselves around my waste and my back as held against someone. "I don't enjoy seeing you crying over someone else. We guys are self-conscious, always second-guessing ourselves no matter how confident we may seem."

I blinked. What was this all of a sudden? My head turned to look back at Asuma and my cheeks grew dark red.

I was scared of being rejected like before, but I was even more scared of loosing this chance. I had almost died at the hands of Hidan. I should have died. The fact that I lived made me realize that I needed to take advantage of life. I was working a dangerous occupation where each mission may be my last.

I couldn't let any more time slip away. I moved my hand up and brought his head closer to mine. And I kissed him.

The response was positive. He pressed hard against me before he separated, breathing against my lips. I looked up into his eyes and tried to see what he was thinking. It was unreadable.

Turning around I stood there in front of him, waiting. If he didn't want to do this he could push me away. He could leave. But I hoped that wasn't what he chose. I hoped he realized what I did. Life was too short to let anything slip by.

He caressed my cheek with his hand and pulled me against him. I smiled to myself. We kisses again and again, growing more passionate with each one. It may be looked down upon what we were doing, but that never mattered to someone so infatuated. The age wasn't an issue either. He may be nearly twice my age but so? What did age even mean?

**Warning: Lemon starts below here. Nothing else happens so it is skipable if you want to go to the next chapter.**

I started to move back a few inches until I hit the end of my bed. Asuma moved his hands away and let his vest slip off. Slowly Asuma lowered the both of us down, hovering over me, lips centimeters apart. "I won't be able to resist much longer Calista… are you sure you want this?"

Glad that I had won, but also nervous and afraid, I nodded my head. Asuma wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close. His movements were different from Sasuke's. These were more practiced, more confident. I blushed, knowing he must have had other partners before.

His hands rubbed my side in a sensual manor, pushing the hospital gown up slowly until it was over my head and I was only clad in only a pair of white underwear. He looked over my body, taking his time before he placed me back down on my back. He hovered over me. "You're too beautiful. How could anyone resist you?" He smiled almost sadly.

I bit my bottom lip as his head moved towards mine. He kissed me gently. I opened my mouth to the kiss and he deepened it in a wonderful game that held an ample amount of pleasure for me. Our tongues intertwined and played and fought for dominance. He came out as the winner of course, being the one with more experience.

His hands explored my body in such a way that I felt as if I was burning up. All he was doing was tracing my stomach and legs, but he was doing it just right. Too right. I brought my hands down to his pants and tugged on them gently. Asuma smirked into the kiss, breaking it just long enough. "Hasty aren't we?"

I smiled playfully and nodded. He rose up slightly, just enough to let me remove his pants and leave him in his boxers. I started to take those off of him, but his hand stopped me. He looked into my eyes in such an intimate way that I started to squirm. He smiled gently and placed my legs around his waist. His erection was hard against my clothed entrance. It felt so intimidating that I could only imagine what it would feel like without it.

He rubbed against the sensitive nub and I let out a small gasp. He rubbed harder and I snaked my arms around his neck. He kissed me again. I began to match his pace, rubbing myself against him and smiled when his breath hitched in his throat. He let out a small moan and moved his hands down to my breasts, massaging them both. His hands were gruff and calloused, which only added to the sensation.

He didn't stop the assault until they were peaks. I hated to admit it, but he was better than Sasuke and Gaara. It was the difference between loving a man verses a boy. When Asuma stopped rubbing against me, I let out a small breath that I didn't know I was holding.

He stopped and moved up, pulling his shirt off and his boxers down. Then his hands snaked around my plain white panties and coaxed them down. I bit my lip hard, feeling nothing separating us now. He rubbed against me again, this time the pleasure was heightened tenfold. I tilted my head back. Asuma took my hand and led it down towards him. I sat up and my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I watched as he put my hand on him and began to move it up and down. I blushed scarlet, really looking at him. He was bigger than Sasuke. A good six inches if I had to guess but-

Wait, why was I thinking about and comparing him to Sasuke! I mentally shook myself, cheeks burning. Asuma removed his hand from mine and let me experiment on my own. Afraid of doing something wrong, I was timid in my actions. I moved my hand up and down, until I was stopped.

Asuma wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me up. I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck to keep me from falling down.

"Are you sure about this? You can still back out." Asuma mumbled, all the while he was pulling back slightly, one of his hands traveling down to himself, rubbing him against me and preparing to enter. I didn't hesitate. I was nervous, but I was sure of this. I looked up at him and kissed him on the lips.

"It will hurt…" He warned, but didn't give me enough time to think about what he said before he was slowly entering me. It was uncomfortable. He was larger than Sasuke, and it was an uncomfortable, burning sensation. I closed my eyes tightly as Asuma pushed in further. I tempted to open up my eyes and look at Asuma. His brow was furrowed with concentration. He pushed in a little further, almost all the way.

He crashed his lips to my mouth and at the same time he gave a short thrust and I was left breathless. It hurt. It was hurting in such an odd way, in my lower stomach. I wondered why people did this if it hurt so much.

"It will get better." Asuma promised. I trusted him. He stayed still, embedded inside of me. I tried my best to adjust. After a minute I felt bad for making him wait so long so I gave him an experimental squeeze.

He wrapped his arms tighter around my waist, holding me closer for a second before letting go and letting me fall back down to the bed. He hovered over me and began moving slowly. His lips were on mine, as if silencing the mute cries I was sure I would be making if I had a voice. My legs wrapped around his waist tighter as he began to pick up the pace. Short but fast thrusts.

It was odd, but soon the pain began to disappear. In its place rose the feeling that Sasuke had taught me before. The same pressure that was coated with a bittersweet pleasure. I opened my eyes when Asuma stopped kissing me and looked up into his face.

His eyes were half lidded and he was staring at me. His lips were parted in a slight pant and his muscles were standing out in his arms as he tried his best not to hold onto me too hard. I lifted my hips to match his pace. "Calista…" He moaned and bent down a little more to bite my bottom lip and consume me in a passionate kiss. The pace picked up to a new height and I found it impossible to match him. Even if I physically could it wouldn't be successful. My mind was muddled.

It only got worse when he lifted my legs and directed them. Taking the hint I wrapped them around him. It brought a new form a pleasure and a little more pain. It was a nice dull pain though. He brought his mouth against mine and let out another moan, kissing my cheek and then nipping at my ear. My breathing became harder and I knew I couldn't keep up much longer.

"Calista…" Asuma whispered. I liked it when he said my name. It was like for the first time in my life someone needed ME and not the other way around. I bit my lip and closed my eyes tightly, letting myself be consumed by this feeling. Letting myself fall into the illusion that I was loved. Even if it only lasted that night.


	28. Carry Me Through

Kiyo woke me up, licking my face. I blinked, hearing birds tell me the sun had just rose. Well that was unexpected. I looked down and noticed an arm wrapped around my waste. My bare waste. In fact… nothing was covering us. I blushed.

That had really happened… I had done that with Asuma.

"You're up." Asuma said, spooking me. I turned around to face him, my eyes going up to his. I nodded.

"I didn't want to wake you. I have something I need to do before lunch… wanna meet me at that ramen shop?"

I nodded, wondering what he was going to do but too lazy to get my pen and ask. He kissed my forehead and stood out of bed. I averted my eyes. Sure I'd already seen it but… yeah.

"Later Calista." Asuma left. I noted that his voice was soft, happy. I was narcissistic to believe that it was because of me.

_What should we do Kiyo? _I asked the wolf who tilted his head.

Reluctantly we cleaned. Kiyo helped by carrying different containers. It took a few hours but by noon I had everything put together. Nice and clean. My bed was made with clean blankets, my fridge was scrubbed, there was no dust and…

I was becoming a housewife so young. That made me pout as I slouched against Kiyo.

A knock on the door disrupted my thoughts. I opened it, looking at Neji Hyuuga. I raised my hand in greeting.

"Lady Tsunade sent me. She wants you to report to you about your throat."

I formed my mouth into an 'o' and looked down at Kiyo who blew air through his nostrils. Tilting my head in thanks I left my room, walking in silence alongside Neji.

"I was wondering if you would allow me to do something later." Neji began, continuing when I looked at him. "I want to look at your chakra. It felt like an invasion of privacy before so I never pushed it, but I am curious about it."

I sighed. Another person thinking I was weird. But, Neji was asking nicely so… I nodded.

"Good. Can I observe it while you fight Asuma today?"

I nodded again.

"Thank you."

_"No not you too! You should have seen the look on Shikamaru's face."_

I recognized that voice. Asuma? Neji looked at me when I stopped and turned to my right. There was a little teashop and sitting at a table were Asuma and a girl I faintly remembered as the leader of Kiba's team. She had black hair, red eyes, and red lips. She was very pretty if I was being honest.

I watched them for a second. Then Asuma put his hand over hers. I blinked.

"Well it's true!" The brunette insisted. "But… I'm glad your back. Was it easy training your student?"

"She's a good girl. A little hot-tempered and sensitive but I have some hopes for her."

"She looked to have grown up well. Took on a member of the Akatsuki."

"Yeah. She's still a little girl at heart though. I'm glad it's all over. All that traveling was tiresome. Nice to see my other students again. They've grown up. I feel guilty for missing it all."

And their conversation moved onto other things. My fists clenched and then unclenched. Who was she? Why didn't I know about them? It was clear there was something going on. Little girl? Was that how Asuma thought of me?

"I wonder if they are official now." Neji shrugged, turning to continue walking. I grabbed a small pad from my back pocket as we walked.

_What do you mean Official?_

"You did not know? They have been together for a few years. Not official, but it might as well be. Asuma is in love with her at least."

I nodded in understanding. But I didn't understand. Did he really love her? Why didn't Asuma ever mention her? Was… was it because I was so young? He didn't seem to care the other day… and he never mentioned another girl.

"Calista?"

My head shot up to Neji. I didn't realize I wasn't walking anymore. I shot a smile at Neji. Why did it seem like I was faking a lot of smiles lately? My life was happy for the most part. Was I just ungrateful? That was probably it.

* * *

"I need you to report to Suna. You leave in one week."

I blinked, looking at the Hokage as she sat behind her large desk. Was she joking? Why did she want me to go there?

"After the kidnapping of the Kazekage, we all came to realize something. Right now allying ourselves against the Akatsuki is most important. I want to send you as an ambassador to Suna. You will be under the Kazekage's command and are to obey him in every way." Tsunade closed a folder that had been on her desk. "I expect weekly reports."

"Isn't this something for a Jonin to do? Calista's just a Chunin."

I hadn't noticed Jiraiya sitting on the window seal before now: my mind had been on returning to Suna and to… Gaara. He moved down and stood besides the Hokage.

"Then this is her first mission as a Jonin." Tsunade intertwined her fingers and looked over them.

At first her words didn't make sense. Me? A Jonin? _With all due respect Lady Tsunade… I'm not too sure if I qualify for such a high rank._

She read what I wrote and then reopened the folder on her desk. "2 D-rank missions, 3 C-rank, 13 B rank, 2 A rank, and 1 S rank. While normally we would expect a bit more experience, you were gone for the majority of your time. You faced off with an Akatsuki member. You helped save the Kazekage. Your inteligence is average, your jutsu is advanced Jonin level, and your Taijutsu is something we will see today. There is no reason to deny you this opportunity. Usually there would be a more formal process but time is of the essence here. If we want a Jonin to go to Suna, we will make you one."

I swallowed. Arguing with her seemed appealing but I resisted. If she wanted to believe my fight with Hidan was something special when it wasn't, who was I to question her? She was the Hokage. Instead I bowed my head in respect.

"Excellent. Jiraiya, take her to the training ground for me. I will be there shortly. I am eager to observe her progress in Taijutsu."

"Aye." Jiraiya put an arm around my shoulder. "Too bad I don't like Taijutsu that much. I almost offered to test you out. Now trying that jutsu of yours against mine… That would be fun ne?"

I shivered. I didn't want to fight him! He would kill me on accident. I did not have the brave will that Naruto did. Then again… he would throw himself at Madara if he was still alive.

We arrived at the training grounds to see Asuma already there. Neji, Shikamaru, Shikaku, Ibiki and Kakashi were all surrounding the green field. I was surprised by the turnout. I expected Neji and Shikaku but that was about it. I glanced around, feeling nervous when I looked at Asuma. The image of him holding hands and laughing with the girl from earlier popped into my mind. And I couldn't think of that when I sparred.

"Don't let him intimidate ya." Jiraiya laughed.

I nodded. Slowly I removed my face mask and I pulled out a string, tying my hair back. I handed the mask to Jiraiya who took it, smiling at me. My bare feet padded on the ground as I approached the middle of the field. I shot Asuma a smile and he returned it with a sideways one. I liked it when he smiled like that. It was h-

I shook myself. I couldn't think of Asuma in an attractive way when I was fighting him.

"Well what are you waiting for?" Tsunade appeared to the left of me. I looked at her and nodded my head.

Before Asuma could react I moved. Catch the enemy off-guard.

Of course it didn't work. Just as I raised my arm to punch him he pivoted to the left, blocking it with his arm. As he did so it forced me to the side a bit. I took advantage of the momentum and spun, moving my leg to kick him. He blocked the attack with his arm. My fist shot out for another punched only to be blocked again. Left punch blocked by right arm. Left kick blocked by right arm. Spin, kick, block. I kicked at him once more and the force pushed the two of us skidding back apart.

He didn't hesitate. He attacked again and our arms met in a block. He jumped and aimed to punch again. I jutted a foot forward for balance and blocked it by moving my arm up and letting him slide through that. Another punch blocked my arm, my foot moved backwards. Kick, duck. Another kick, protected with my right arm. Another kick, dodged. Spin. Switch places. Punch, pivot, block.

Our dance continued. Neither of us able to land a blow. Was he going easy on me? Was it because of last night? I didn't want that. I put a little chakra in my feet to sturdy myself. Another punch. He went low; I faked a kick to his lower half. He had an unprotected face. I kicked.

I almost froze in shock when my kick landed and pushed him back to the side. He moved his hand to his side pocket and took out a kunai, running forward again. I took a deep breath and at the last moment shoved my arm out, knocking his aside and moving to punch him. He was wide open.

He managed to get his leg up in time to kick my hand away and spun with the momentum, landing another on my shoulder. I moved to the side, recovering in time to block a kunai aimed for my side. Punch, block, punch, block, kick, punch.

Kick! A kick aimed for the side of his face was blocked by his hands but it held too much power and he went skidding to the side. He recovered and stood up. We stared at one another for a minute. "You've improved more than I thought." He laughed.

I smiled at the compliment. Focusing chakra in my hands I charged. Even with chakra fortifying my strength he was able to block punch after kick after slash; neither of us winning.

The fact that we had a crowd was lost on me. He aimed to kick my side. I blocked it with my arm. He spun and brought his other foot down to kick on top of my head. I flipped back, bringing my leg up to kick his as I did so. He caught it between his and I used my core strength to twist around, slamming him into the ground. I moved to punch him and he pulled on my arm to pull himself back up. As he did so he grabbed my chest and shoved me into the ground. I spun to the left before he could finish me off with another punch, hopping up just in time to block a kick.

I needed tactic. When I blocked that kick I moved backwards. He followed. Slowly I lured him back towards a tree. When we were close I kicked against it, flipping into the air and aiming a kick on top of his head. He blocked it and grabbed three Shuriken. As he flung them towards me I ran up the tree, tossing two down at him. He blocked it, jumping onto the tree as well. He ran after me up the large trunk and when I was at the top I moved to jump to the one across.

He followed, cutting me off midair. As we fell we exchanged an assortment of punches. Just as we were about to hit the ground we separated, throwing shuriken at one another. As I dodged mine I felt a kick to my back and widened my eyes. The Asuma I had thrown shuriken at had disappeared. It had been a clone! Before I could find my footing another kick was delivered to my torso. I gritted my teeth as I fell back. When another kick was aimed I grabbed his foot and pulled him down, aiming to run him into my shuriken. He twisted at the last moment and threw me forward. I skidded and landed on my feet.

We circled each other, both trying to find a hole in the others defense.

"Enough." Tsunade shouted.

We both froze.

"You guys are evenly matched. Anything more would be pointless. We'd be here for hours. She rubbed the back of her head. I smiled sheepishly. I was glad I was able to hold my own. But… why did Asuma go easy on me? He should have been able to easily destroy me.

I walked over to Asuma and Jiraiya, smiling at both of them and taking my face mask back. Slowly the people there to watch me disappeared.

"Good fight Calista." Jiraiya clapped a hand on my shoulder. I winced away. That was the one Asuma kicked.

"Going to have some bruises tonight." Asuma complained. "I'll treat you for dinner though."

I shook my head yes. That sounded good. Asuma left and Jiraiya studied my face. "You've improved. Before you couldn't even beat Naruto!"

His laughter made me smile. _Now_ I was pretty sure I couldn't beat Naruto….

We exchanged a few more pleasantries before he left as well. I sighed and rubbed my neck, about to leave.

"Who was helping you?" Neji asked.

I probably jumped a foot in the air. I didn't see him there. _What?_

He read my pad and narrowed his eyes. "Who helped you?"

_Nobody. _I tilted my head in confusion.

"Don't lie to me. I saw the chakra."

_What chakra? Mine? _I asked. What on earth was he going on about?

"There were multiple chakras going through you… too many to count. You had to have someone in the shadows transferring it to you."

I shook my head. _I think you saw wrong Neji. It was just me I swear. _

"No… I'm positive. There were other chakras in you. Like the chakras of a hundred people shoved into one body. Someone had to be feeding you that." He insisted, frowning and looking at my stomach.

He had to be going crazy. How was there chakra in my body that wasn't mine? _Neji… you should get some sleep._

After I wrote that I walked away. He wasn't making sense. Multiple chakras? What nonsense…

* * *

I slept with Asuma again that night. For the week I trained, ate, trained, hung out with Asuma, and slept with him in his bed. We repeated the first night over and over again. Perhaps I was mistaking what was going on for love, but I found myself not wanting to leave Asuma to go to Suna.

The week passed by too fast. On the last day I woke up with Asuma. He wrapped his arms around me and the warmth felt nice.

"morning."

I nodded against him.

"Sleep well?"

Another nod.

"Do you go to Suna tomorrow morning?"

Another nod.

"I see… I wish I could spend some more time with you today. I'm training with Shikamaru though."

I bit my lip and nodded again. So on the last day he wouldn't spend time with me? Depressing…

I felt Asuma shift and I turned around. He sat up and put a hand on my cheek, rubbing it with his rough thumb. My eyes closed as I leant into it.

Asuma put his lips over mine in a gentle kiss. Then he let go of me. "See you tonight?"

I nodded for the hundredth time that morning and watched him go. Afterwards I snuggled into his bed, smelling his pillow.


	29. Dying in the Sun

So here it goes... the moment when her past is revealed. Most of it. GAH! I hope people like it. I usually don't ask for reviews but this is one of the chapters I do want feedback on :)

Enjoy!

* * *

"The village hidden in hot water?" Shikaku asked, raising an eyebrow.

I moved a Shogi piece, trying to concentrate on the game and our conversation. Kiyo sat besides me with his eyes closed. _Yes. I know it doesn't exist anymore but I am trying to understand more about the world. I heard that that village was turned into a tourist village a few years ago. Do we have any records from it?_

Shikaku moved a piece, destroying one of mine. "When the village was destroyed the Kage did not wish to destroy all of its records. We were great allies with that village during said time, and so they sent the records to us for safekeeping. If I remember correctly they are kept in the Archive Library. Underground. I'm not sure if you can access those records though. Then again nobody has tried before. It's of no interest to most."

_The Archive library? That's by the Hokage Monuments right?_

"Yes." He countered another move of mine. "Tell me, what piece are you on this board?"

_Pawn? _I asked, not sure what he wanted me to say.

"Why do you say that?"

_Because the ponds are at the forefront. They are easily sacrificed. They are slow but useful._

"Pawns are useful, but I wouldn't say you were one."

_Then what do you think I am?_

"A lance."

_Why? _I frowned. I didn't get it. Was he saying I was direct?

"A lance can only move forward. Not left or right. And never backwards. You're like that. Like the lance. Always moving forward, engulfing everything around you, never to return to the same spot." He moved his lance forward, destroying one of my pieces.

_Oh. _I looked at the board. _I should get going to the library before it gets late. I leave tomorrow for a while after all. _Kiyo sensed me standing and rose as well, rubbing against my hip with his massive height.

"Sleep well." Shikaku looked down at the board.

_Of course._ I put on a smile.

"And Calista."

_Yes?_

He bent down to the board and flipped his Lance over. "Though the lance can only move forward, sometimes it can promote itself if it gets far enough along. It will turn into a Gold General."

I looked at the piece. A Gold General was able to move one square to the left, right, diagonally forward, and back. It was unable to move diagonally backwards though. _I don't understand…_

"You don't need to. Just keep it in mind. One day I believe you will turn into a gold general."

I smiled despite my confusion. _Goodbye Shikaku. I will see you soon I hope._

With a nod he dismissed me and I left his house. Now to the library.

Why was I going to the library? I didn't give any credit to what Hidan had said. I just… needed to be sure. I just wanted to verify that whatever he had said was an outright lie. And if it was true that all their records were sent here... it would be good.

The library was a few minutes' walk away. When I entered it I was alone except a boy standing by a door against the wall. I readied my pen and walked up to him. _Excuse me. I need to go down to the lower level. _

He looked at me and Kiyo curiously. "What's your business?"

_I was sent to research something by Shikaku Nara. _

So… it wasn't a complete lie. Shikaku had told me where to look. Besides, using the Jonin Commanders name was a good idea.

"I'm not sure if you're allowed down there if I don't know what for to be honest…" He rubbed the back of his head.

He seemed new at this. He needed a little persuasion. How could I sweet talk him though? I frowned under my mask. _I'm sure it will be okay. He wouldn't have directed me here otherwise. _

"True... I can check with my superior."

I didn't want that. Think Calista! How can you get him to open the door? Wait…

Normally I was above what I was going to do. Using this to my advantage wasn't my thing. But if I didn't find out soon what was going on I'd go crazy. I reached up and slipped my mask down to my throat, scratching my cheek as an excuse for doing so. _I need the information soon though. Will contacting your superior take a while? It will put me in a tough spot… I have to get ready for a mission. _As I looked up into his eyes I saw a tinge on his cheek. I hated seeing this effect on a guy. Hated being abnormal.

"Oh… well… um… you're a Jonin. So I'm sure it is okay. It's a little dusty down there though. You might get dirty. Do you need some help finding what you need? I can help you know. I used to volunteer here. Organizing the files. Actually it was a y-"

The boy yammered on nervously and I felt a little bad. I slipped my mask back on and held out my pad. _That would be helpful. If you could just direct me to the files on the village hidden in hot water it would be a great help. _

"Oh! Those! Of course!" He cheered happily, opening the door and walking down a set of dusty stairs. These must be records nobody looked at. The boy led me to the very back, dusting a few cobwebs off of a book case. "Here you go. All of these are on the village hidden in hot water."

I nodded, looking at the large shelf. _Thank you. If I need anything else can I get you? _It was my way of getting rid of him in a nice way.

His smile brightened and he agreed, turning back to his duties on the main floor, guarding the door. I sighed. Might as well start.

I grabbed a stack of folders, binders, and books and set them on a dusty table along with a box, sneezing as it stirred some of it up. The first folders were on the previous Kage's. The binders were mostly on jutsu. Some of them I found interesting but I couldn't look at those now. The books had writing in them but nothing was relevant. The box was full of files on shinobi. I realized they were alphabetical. Unfortunately I did not know Hidan's last name. I would have to search all the boxes for his file.

That was my first task. It took a good hour but I found it under Isamuyu. I was sure it was him. I looked at the birth date. Year 385AS… that was forty years ago. It proved that there was no way I could be related. Just to make sure I checked to see if there were any other files with his last name. There were none. No parents even. Sighing in relief, I put the box and everything else back, only keeping his folder out. As I was about to do that I noticed a small bound book shoved behind everything else. It looked interesting… might as well look at it.

But first his file. I wanted to know more about this man. He was born in the leaf village. It had how many missions he had accomplished. He had been a Jonin. Most of his missions were B, A, or S rank. He graduated age 7, became a chunnin age 12, and a Jonin at age 17. Then when he was 25 the village turned into a normal one. Year 410. Nothing unusual stuck out.

I closed the file and reached for the book. When I opened it I knew something was unique. The first clue was the date.

_On this day twelfth of December, Year 390AS_

_Snow four inches deep, no winds and the air is quite pleasant, just cold enough to hinder the progress in the north. Our Jonin commander left Monday with few Shinobi in the direction of our eastern border. All stores are closed by my order and no passes shall be given until his return. _

It was a diary. Not just any diary though…

_I hath summoned a council meeting on this day of July, year 401. The war wages badly in the south and the east. As ruler and Kage of the village I must remain firm in resolve. Despite my most honest attempt, even the children see it. Help is needed. I have called upon the Hokage but the war goes badly there as well. No soldiers can be lent to our small cause. _

This was the diary of the Kage of the village hidden in hot water! It was during Hidan's time. I couldn't help but skim further. I read about their war. About small issues. Allies and greedy lords. It was all so much to handle that I barely noticed what I was reading. Until the word Monster popped out. When that happened I went back a few pages.

_Our ninja have discovered the solution. And end to all wars with our small village. A way to silence the cries of the innocent. It requires eighty and a hundred souls. A sacrifice I swore was too much. But more than twenty and five hundred have died in this war. In order to prevent more death, I have signed the fate of innocents. I have agreed to the sacrifice. _

I frowned. Sacrifice? What did he mean sacrificing 180 souls? Did he mean people? What would those people go for? I read on. The next entry was a week later.

_We have found a subject. A body that is capable for the transfer. The chakra needed is unheard of, and only one child in the village has the capabilities. Her parents did not protest. Her brother did. He is one to take note of. His eyes are cursed. His tongue is rotten. His blade is sharp and all-too-willing to strike. Though his skill is worthy he is dangerous. The boy passed the chunin exams and took five lives doing so. We must watch him. His mind is not able to comprehend this noble sacrifice. _

_The girl is six years of age and female. No. Not girl. It is a thing. We have erased It's previous name. It is no longer Calista but benimasa. Red justice. It will serve our purpose well. In three days time we will retrieve it from its cell and begin the transfer. May Kami be on our side. _

I looked at how the name was spelt. The kanji for beautiful, the kanji for advantage and strength, the kanji for star. Calista… It was my name. Surely that was just some great coincidence. Coincidence that my name matches this girls and that she had a brother. A powerful brother who was bloodthirsty. I wanted to stop reading but I couldn't. The next entry was five days later.

_The transfer is complete. The souls of eighty and sixty have been placed in what was once a girl. The white power has been given to her. It is in its cage. The shape of the creature is always changing. One moment it will become an animal, other times a human, but most commonly it is neither. In its resting shape it takes on white eyes, white hair that falls half a meter pasts it's feet. Two meters in height, lanky in build, white skin. It is no longer human. The screams will not stop and it keeps the guardians on their toes with the creature. We must tame it now. _

My hands shook as I finished that entry and turned to the next entry. Kiyo nudged my leg with his nose in concern but I couldn't respond. Instead I read the next entry. It was two days later.

_The creature does not obey. Each day it grows stronger. It no longer screams in pain. It screams in hate. Only the strongest Shinobi are allowed to guard it. Its brother tried to visit but he was dragged away. It is no longer his sister. _

_Nothing works on the monster. Our language does not reach it. Nor do chains or whips or jutsu. It changes shape to what it wishes to counter the attacks. _

A week after that entry.

_It has yet another power. The White Power. The power it was meant to have. Before it objects appear: Creatures that are not found in the natural world, weapons that are crude manipulations. _

One month later.

_It is time. The creature cannot be tamed. We have come to an agreement. We shall release it upon our enemy. It will deal damage as it wishes. We pray for them to destroy one another. _

The page crumpled as I turned to the next entry. Five days later.

_What have I done? The creature is uncontrollable. Hundreds dead before my eyes. It rampaged and killed and destroyed with no respect. The enemy was slaughtered. And then it turned on us. Our village is destroyed and the monster has retreated to the forests. _

_It was my doing that brought this creature upon us, and it shall be me who undoes the damage. I am unable to kill this creature but I shall seal it. The girls file will be destroyed and using the technique passed down to the males of my bloodline, I shall force it to one form and it will sleep. I have given commands to carry the body to the highest mountains found. Where the snow never melts and the air is thin. Killing it will be impossible after It is sealed, when it is in its coma. But the world shall be rid of its evil for the time being. I pray that when it reawakens one strong enough to kill it will be present. _

_I am aware that this will be my last mission. My predecessor has been announced already. With my death perhaps I can right the wrongs I have committed. _

There was more to the entry but I stopped reading. That was the last one. A creature that maintained no shape? That summoned things at will? Whatever it imagine just appeared?

Like the bird… the fuzzy pink bird…

NO! Not like that. That was wrong… it…

I went back to the first file and pulled out the information on the Kage. I checked the death date. It was one day after the last journal entry. The cause of death was unspecified. With a racing heart I shoved the diary in my vest and searched boxes, files, everything and anything with those years.

I found some useless documents but three were useful. The first verified that some terrible was released on the world. The second counted a freak accident that killed hundreds. The third… the third was the most interesting. It was a report on the mission.

_The mission has been a success. The Benimasa has been hauled to the highest peak of the highest mountain and there her body shall rot if we are blessed. It is unnatural. White hair with the smallest tinge of blue, white skin, green eyes, and pale lips. Her face is perfect and without flaw. You can see the resemblance to the girl it once was. Most unique are translucent spirals flow from the corners of her eyes. _

Translucent patterns. Green eyes. Calista. Pale lips. Unnatural beauty. White hair, creating things out of nothing. Over a hundred different Chakras in the body.

I dropped the file and just sat there. Was this all true? Was that me?

_Drop._

A tear fell on the table.

_Drop. Drop._

What was I? It all added up… it made sense.

_Drop. Drop. Drop. _

I couldn't deny this. It was true… I was a monster.

I flung myself off the chair and on the ground, arms wrapped around Kiyo. My head fell into his shoulder as the truth came down on me. How could this all be real? How could it not be a bad dream?

I was a monster…


	30. Dancing with Tears in My Eyes

"Oi! Calista!"

I was trying to avoid seeing anyone on my way back to my room. I didn't know if I could keep up appearances. Though I trusted Jiraiya and Asuma I couldn't tell either of them. I was scared of them… scared what would happen if they found out just what I was. Ignoring who had called out to me would only seem more suspicious though. Understanding my emotions, Kiyo rubbed against me and stood on guard.

I turned to see Shikamaru and Jiraiya walking towards me. It was the first time I had seen those two together. Shikamaru had been the one to call out. I waved with as much joy as I could muster. So fake I couldn't even fool myself. Why were they together? Did they know? Did they know what I was?

Those thoughts were so foolish I pushed them away. There was no way they could know.

"You got a moment to spare for some dinner?" Jiraiya looked at Ichiraku's ramen shop.

I nodded yes even though I wanted to scream no.

"Great." Jiraiya put a hand on my shoulder and steered me towards the ramen shop with Shikamaru. I took a seat between the two of them.

Something wasn't right with these two.

"You leave tomorrow right?"

That was Shikamaru. I took out my pad and wrote a simple _yes._

"I didn't know your Taijutsu was so good. Asuma is pretty skilled. Not to be matched easily." He continued, ordering a bowl of Ramen along with Jiraiya. I didn't order anything.

_I know… Are you here to ask why he went so easy on me? _I asked. Shikamaru didn't seem the type to purposely embarrass people. I racked my brain and the only solution I could come up to would be they found out that Asuma and I have something and that was why he went easy on me. Asuma wouldn't want them to know. I'd just play dumb and th-

"He wasn't." Jiraiya interrupted my mental battle.

I seemed to be blinking in surprise a lot lately, and I did that just then. _Of course he was. Asuma is too good at Taijutsu to be taken down by a fresh Jonin._

"I know Asuma better than almost anyone Calista. He wouldn't go easy on you for any reason. I know his fighting style. I would have been able to tell if he was holding anything back." Shikamaru propped his head up with his hand, elbow on the counter.

_You aren't here to ask me about my Taijutsu are you? _

"Neji mentioned something to Shikamaru and I just happened to overhear. Something about your Chakra."

I stood up so abruptly that the stool I was sitting on fell backwards with an attention grabbing crash. _I told Neji he saw wrong. If that's all then I have to go and pack. I'll be gone for a while. _

Kiyo bared his sharp teeth to the pair and I left, not even sure if they had time to read all I had written. My heart was thumping and I didn't want to hear that I was some freak. I didn't want people looking at me weird. People getting close to the truth. It was obvious Jiraiya and the Hokage thought there was something to what the Akatsuki were saying. Why else would she be secretly comparing my picture to Hidan's?

"You don't really believe that do you?"

I shot a frown towards Jiraiya. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Kiyo wasn't enjoying this either.

"Don't look at me like that. People here are concerned about you."

_You don't really believe that do you? _

Jiraiya frowned.

I picked up my pace. _There's nothing abnormal about me. Even if there was, why should it change things? Even if I am related to that guy why should people care? Why should you care? Will you shun me like people shunned Gaara or Naruto? Shun them because they are not normal? I'm still a girl. A human. A shinobi for the leaf. I'm not a Creature or a Monster or an It! My past shouldn't matter! If you want peace like you always claim then look past your own bigotry!_

I don't know what came over me when I wrote and showed that to Jiraiya. He looked taken aback, his eyes traveling p to mine. "Did something happen?"

I didn't even answer, just walked away. I didn't need this.

_I'm sorry Jiraiya. _I thought as I walked away, sending my words out to him and hoping he would forgive my outburst _I care about you but you are getting too close to the truth._

* * *

Asuma didn't come to my room that night. I figured he may be on a mission. I lay on my bed, watching a spider on the ceiling and thinning about what I had just read. The diary was on my nightstand.

It was the only record of what I was. I stood up and grabbed it. I needed to destroy it. Looking apologetically at Kiyo I walked into the living room and set it down. I took a deep breath and then found the pages concerning me. I ripped them out. Those I set on the floor a ways away. I released a jutsu. Wind style: Slicing blades, piercing truth.

Ten small blades cut through the book, leaving it in ten pieces. I repeated the Jutsu over and over again until it was so small it was barely there. It still wasn't enough. I sent a water style jutsu towards them and turned what we left into mush. Then I took a wrap and put the mush in it and dumped it in the trash. That was that. Now nobody would ever know.

Kiyo wined from my doorway, looking at me in concern. I smiled. He was the only one always looking at me. He loved me the most and he didn't think I was weird. He was all I needed.

With the evidence destroyed I felt slightly better. I was now eager to leave the hidden leaf village and get to Suna. Take a break from this. But because of my nervousness and eagerness I was unable to sleep. Maybe I should visit Asuma. I was leaving early the next day.

Rubbing Kiyo's head, I climbed out my window and dropped silently onto the balcony of Asuma's room. Just as I was about to slide the door I heard it. A voice.

I couldn't make out the words but I heard a pair of laughs. I pinned myself to the wall so they could not see me outside and swallowed. He wasn't alone. Why wasn't he alone when it was past midnight?

The laughter and the words stopped. But I knew that the person he was with had not left. He would not have a moment to spare this night…

Asuma was not mine. Another piece fell into place. I supposed after looking into a mirror I should have been able to figure it out. What Asuma felt was pure lust spurred on by the fact there was a girl with unmatched looks throwing herself at him pathetically. Even the strongest Shinobi would succumb eventually.

But he would never love me. And I couldn't let myself mistake our encounters as love. I looked up to the moon and I smiled. I would leave Asuma with the memory of me the previous night.

And so yet another love was sacrificed. Sacrificed but not lost. It was merely given to someone else.


	31. Until We Freeze

**Q Hyperaznmonkey12**- heh. Don't worry. I plan on making a sequel in which there will be PLENTY of contact between her and Hidan. That's all I can say without spoiling it.

So this chapter may seem a little filler but it's extremely important for my sequel. I have about seven more chapters or so and it will mostly be CalistaXGaara stuff. In fact I have the last chapter completely typed out and an additional 6K.

* * *

Kiyo went to Suna with me. We left before the sun rose in order to make good progress. And progress we did make. Thanks to Kiba Kiyo was able to keep up with me as I raced through the trees, intending to get to Suna as fast as I could. I did not sleep the first night. It was soon the second day of traveling and I was getting a little wary. We stopped by a spring.

Taking off my mask I splashed water on my face to feel revived. Kiyo dipped his entire head in and then shook some off on me. I laughed mutely.

"Should a ninja of the leaf really have their guard down like this?"

I spun around so fast I almost lost my footing. The person who had caught me and kiyo off guard was the real surprise.

"What's wrong Sis? You look pretty shaken up."

Hidan. How did he find me this easily? Was he here to tease me about what I didn't know? Well I already had it all down. Kiyo growled and I ran at him with my fist raised. He dodged it.

"Ain't ya gonna let me talk?" He shouted, sending a punch towards my stomach that I blocked with a kick. We separated and I glared. "Such an impatient Bitch! Where the hell you got that from?"

I wouldn't let him continue. I performed a hand seal and blew past my fingers. A torrent of ice followed. He jumped, avoiding it and landing behind me. I turned to kick but he caught my foot. "Too weak~" He sighed.

That was when Kiyo moved to attack. I turned and shot him a look. A fierce NO. He backed off but whined about doing so.

When Hidan caught my foot I pulled my other one up to deliver a blow to his head. Or to fake one. He suspected it and moved away. At the last moment I turned my foot up and over him, kicking his head from the other side. The side he was moving to. It forced him to release me and stumble back.

"Still relying on that basic shit! Don't you want to learn how to control yer real powers?"

I was about to deliver a punch but I stopped. Hesitating.

"You do don't ya! You want power! You want to become stronger!" He tilted his head back, laughing.

Was that what I wanted? Did I want to get strong like Naruto and Asuma and Jiraiya? Like Gaara?

"I could give you that power. Teach you how to control what you were meant to. You don't know what yer capable of!"

Hidan's words were like honey to my ears. The promise of power. Of strength. The power to protect people. He said control. Could I control the power that led to all that destruction written in the Kage's notebook?

"All ya have to do is come with me and I'll teach ya all that I know. Join the Akatsuki and learn what true power is!"

And like that I was snapped out of my trance. I would never join the Akatsuki. Never join with those who wished to do naught but kill. To harm people I cared about! Harming Gaara and Naruto.

One foot forward… launch. I plucked a Kunai out of my side pocket and threw. He tilted his head a little to the left and avoided it. At that point he finally drew his red Scythe and swung it at me as I was charging. I leapt, my foot landing on top of its blade and kicking down, using my other foot to try and kick him on top of the head. He twisted his arm and swiped up.

"I'm taking that as a no." He seemed peeved, going on the offensive and forcing me back. I didn't have time to use any of my Jutsu. Besides this man could not be killed. I should have thought of a way to disable him. But with my intelligence I would need more time than Shikaku.

Now I could only stall while I thought. I didn't want to waste any energy so I mostly dodged, countering every once in a while. I ignored everything he was saying and did not perform a jutsu. Time… I needed time.

If he couldn't be killed could you seal him? I didn't know any sealing Jutsu. What about just tearing him to pieces? That would take more strength than I had. Decapitation? If he could still use his body it would be trouble.

Then it hit me. I didn't know any sealing jutsu but I could do something else. The next time Hidan launched an attack I jumped up onto his shoulder and aimed a kick to the back of his head. He ducked down and at the same time I made the sign for a clone, jumping away and letting said clone fight him. I took a calming breath and looked at where he was. Then I made the seal.

Water shot up and wrapped around Hidan's body. My clone disappeared as he tried to slash it away, screaming in protest. I closed my eyes and concentrated. The water turned to ice around his feet, slowly moving up. He was stuck!

I felt my jutsu move to his knees, his waist, his chest, shoulders. And finally his h-

_Swoosh!_

I released the jutsu and spun around, expecting a new enemy. What looked like black ropes were aimed right for my head. I wouldn't be able to raise my arms in time! I had gotten lazy and I didn't realize that there would be two. I should have though. The Akatsuki were always in pairs.

"Wind Release: Cast Net!"

At the last moment the attack was knocked aside. Not by me but by a wind based Jutsu. I turned my eyes to see Temari, her fan at the ready. I jumped towards her, sliding to stand by her.

"Fucking Bitch of a sister! Kakuzu! Get me out of this you motherfucker!" Hidan was not happy, trying his best to break free. My ice dome held firm though.

"Shut up Hidan." The other man was not one I had seen before. Dark hair and a mask like mine and Kakashi's. He had stitches all over his body. Was this Hidan's partner? It had to be with that cloak.

"They sent me to make sure you didn't dry up in the desert but it seems you're more troublesome than they thought." Temari smirked, looking at me.

Kakuzu walked over to Hidan and sent a few of those wire ropes we had seen before out. I narrowed my eyes. What type of Jutsu was that? Were they chakra ropes he had hidden inside of his cloak.

"Don't even t-" Before Temari could move I put a hand out, stopping her. "What the hell?"

I looked at the two of them. Kakuzu wrapped the wires around the ice and tightened it, crushing the Jutsu. My eyes widened. It was not a weak ability… and I had ever seen it crushed like that. Whoever this guy was, he was strong.

Temari didn't move despite her distaste at holding still.

"You've accomplished what you wanted to. Forcing her would do no good. Let's go." Kakuzu turned around and started to walk away.

Hidan cracked his neck and grinned. "Later Calista-Chan."

I sighed when they were out of site. They did all that just to tell me they wanted me to join Akatsuki? To tempt me? Well it wasn't going to happen. I wanted to get stronger but I wouldn't do it that way.

_They are too strong for us. It was easier to let them go for now. The one with the white hair is just as strong if not stronger than the guy who took Gaara down. And the brown haired one obviously has control of him, making him strongest. If it was just one we might succeed but with both we would die in a matter of minutes._

Temari considered my words. She wasn't as powerful as her brother, but she was smart like him. "You're right. What did they want with you?"

I shrugged my shoulders and let out a whistle. Kiyo came rushing up to me, licking my hands. I patted his head and turned to Temari.

"I'm sure. Well let's go. I didn't come here just to save you."


	32. This Close

I bowed on one knee before the Kazekage. He looked over his desk and down at me. I could feel his eyes burning into me. Even though I wanted to look at him I didn't. I wouldn't. Not until I was sure my emotions were in check and I would not fall for him all over again.

"Rise." He commanded.

I did so. We were the only two in the office. I focused my vision on his chin. That way I could see his eyes out of my peripheral vision. For a moment not a word was said.

"You helped rescue me… I read in Kakashi's report that you took on a member of the Akatsuki by yourself." Gaara said. His eyes were ever-piercing and seeing right through my soul.

I swallowed and then nodded.

"You got hurt… I saw the blood on you. Did it leave a scar?"

These questions were off. It wasn't like Gaara to beat around the bush. Surely there was another question he wanted to ask. Why else would he call me to his office so soon after I arrived? Idle chit chat wasn't his thing. Unable to ignore him though, I nodded. He was the Kazekage.

He stood, turning and looking out the window before focusing his attention to me. "Can…" He paused, looking at my torso for a moment. When he spoke again his voice was quiet. "Can I see?"

My eyes trailed to the side. See? I didn't want him too. Partly because this scar was a reminder of my failure, and partly because it was rather grotesque. Of all the people I wanted to find me attractive, Gaara was the number one. Strange how you always want what you can't have.

Gaara sensed my hesitation and turned back to the window. "If you are uncomfortable I understand. I do not wish to force you."

I sighed. When he put it like that I felt guilty for not letting him see. After all this was something I got trying to rescue him. I supposed he had the right to view it. I removed my Jonin vest and set it on a chair. Next I took off my fishnet shirt and did the same. The last thing I removed was a plain white tank top I had took to wearing since I got the cut. That left me in my chest wrap and the bandage around my neck.

I walked up to Gaara from behind. He sensed me and turned around. His eyes grew wide for a millisecond before returning to normal.

"This…" His voiced cracked and he reached out, stopping his hand before he touched my shoulder. I looked up at his cheek, closer to his eyes, as if showing him it was okay.

His fingertips fell on my left shoulder where the scar started. They trailed down my shoulder, between my breasts and down across my stomach to my right hip. Then he returned his hand to his side. "You got this because of me…"

I shook my head, moving away to get my pad. Gaara watched me move and it made a little color appear on my cheeks. Why was I still like a little girl with a crush around him?

_It was the Akatsuki who caused all of this. Not you. Don't think like that Gaara. _I showed him the pad. He read it and stayed silent.

I frowned, going over his words in my head. That wasn't right. _Forgive me Kazekage. I was too informal. _

He read that as well and turned away. "When Lady Chiyo passed away, Naruto told me she left words behind for each of you. What did she leave for you?"

I swallowed. I couldn't tell him it all. Running a hand through my hair and messing it it up I thought of something to say. _She told me that I needed to get stronger so the Akatsuki can't beat me up like they did._

"You're lying."

I blinked. Wha?

He read my expression. "Whenever you get nervous you toss your hair like that."

He remembered? I swallowed. How could he remember something from nearly four years ago? It was almost like he…

"What did she really say?"

I knew I couldn't lie to Gaara. _She told me to forgive you. And to show you that you can be loved. _My hands felt heavy and I knew my cheeks were painted crimson. I didn't want him to know she'd made such an impossible request. The second part that was.

"But that will never happen." The Kazekage almost went unheard.

I took a step closer to him. _I don't need to forgive you. You never did anything wrong. And my voice is healing thanks to Tsunade. _

He turned around to face me. "It was my doing. It was not an accident. I wanted to hurt you at that time."

_I know. But it was society that made you like that. You were not a monster by birth. If you were than you never could have changed into who you are today. And if that event never took place… I never would have found the leaf village. I never would have befriended Naruto or Ibiki or Kakashi or Shikamaru. I never would have met Neji or Shikaku or Asuma or Sakura or Sasuke. I never would have gotten stronger nor had these experiences. I never would have learned the pain of heartbreak or they joy of falling in love again. _

His eyes didn't leave the pad for a good minute. He should have been able to read what I said much faster than that.

"I agree. Everything happens for a reason. Calista Uchiha would not be a fitting name for you." As soon as he said it he froze.

I looked up into his eyes in surprise. He just said that Uchiha wouldn't make a good last name for me. It made no sense for him to even care.

"Who you love is your own business though." He turned around.

I knew what was going on. He was shutting down all his emotions and going into that emotionless ball. It was his defense and I had seen him use it many times. I knew there was more he wanted to say but just needed a push. Without thinking I reached out and put my hand on his arm. He turned to look at me. I let his eyes meet mine.

And my heart stopped. I felt it again. I was not yet over Gaara. On the contrary the feelings I held had just been dormant. Gaara stared back with his green pupilless orbs. It was like he was searching for something. I was searching for something as well.

His hand moved from his side to rest on my shoulder. "Cal-"

"Gaara! Calista's ari…ved…"

I closed my eyes, wishing that this was not happening.

"Kankuro." Gaara greeted the intruder, dropping his hand from my shoulder. "I am aware."

Awkwardly I turned to look at Kankuro. His face was almost as red as mine. I was well aware of my lack of clothing.

"Kankuro."

"Y-yes Gaara?"

"See to the ambassadors suite."

"Of course."

The door slammed shut as he left and I turned to grab my undershirt, fish net, and vest. I slipped them on. My scar was now gone and so was the moment I shared with the Kazekage. Whatever that moment had been.

"Tonight you are to sleep in the same room as before. If the ambassador's suite is in a suitable condition you will move there tomorrow. You are dismissed."

Obeying his command I left. As soon as I exited the room I took a deep breath and slumped against the wall, hand over my heart. What was that? Why did my heart feel like it was going to jump out of my chest? I was sick… yes. A cold. A flu. Pneumonia. Anything.

"You seem pretty shaken up." Kankuro leant against the wall besides me.

_Shouldn't you be checking on the suite?_

"Already did. It looks like some kids got into it. The place is torn apart. Guess you're stuck sleeping closer to Gaara." He shot me a grin.

I raised an eyebrow. Why did I have a feeling that instead of kids, some puppets got into the Ambassador Suite? What a pain. _I see. I have no other choice then._

He glanced at me. "Why didn't you come back to Suna after we got Gaara? You could have you know. It would save you the pain of traveling back injured."

_I couldn't. _

"Couldn't or wouldn't."

_Both. I'm not like most Shinobi Kankuro… I'm a coward. _I sighed and turned away towards the room by Gaara's. Kiyo was waiting for me.

Yes… I was a coward. I had run away. I didn't want to face Gaara because I was afraid. And yet I kept ending up back here with him. I kept ending up in these situations. Fate must really hate me. _Why is it like this Kiyo? Why can't I just live a peaceful life? Eh? _I thought with a sigh.

Well I had some unpacking to do… I could stress over Gaara another day.


	33. Young

That day happened to be the very next one. I was called yet again to his office. I bowed like before until he told me to rise. "I have an assignment for you."

I looked at him curiously, waiting for him to continue.

"Three ninja were slaughtered on a D rank mission to the land of tea. We have reason to believe it was the Akatsuki. A Jonin and two Genin students were the victims."

I swallowed. Was he going to send a team out to eliminate the Akatsuki and wanted me on it? I could understand seeing how I had more knowledge and had lived to face them twice, but it was still foolish. They were insanely strong. The only ninja in Suna I would trust to fight one would be Gaara. Maybe Temari… just maybe. Even back home Tsunade, Shikaku, Kakashi and Guy were the only ones strong enough to take one on by themselves. Maybe Naruto if he could control his temper. Or Shikamaru if he wasn't so lazy.

"The only student remaining was able to escape the scene. Consequently he is now without a teacher. I want you to take on this student and train him."

That was not what I was expecting. Not at all. _As you wish Lord Kazekage. When will I meet this __student... I mean __ Genin? _Perhaps I should call him a student.

"Now." Gaara nodded towards the door. It opened and in walked Kankuro and a little boy.

He had red hair a few shades darker than Gaara. It was straight and long and reminded me a little of Neji's. It was held back in the same fashion by a piece of ribon. His skin was tanned and his height was a little over 5 and a half feet. Tall for a thirteen year old. Most striking were piercing yellow eyes that when put together with his hair made me think of fire.

"This is Calista. She will be your teacher from now on. You are to obey her as you obeyed your last master and respect her wishes. She is trusted by the people of Sunagakure and she should be trusted by you." Gaara looked the boy in the eyes. He showed courage looking back at him and nodding.

"Good. You two are dismissed."

"Yes Kazekage." The boy bowed, turning around. I bowed in suit before following.

What now? Did I take the boy somewhere and talk to him? _Will you come with me? _I asked.

"You're the one in charge aren't you?" He snapped.

I sighed. He didn't seem happy about this at all. Who could blame him. The kid just lost his teammates and master. It would be like me loosing Jiraiya, Asuma, Kakashi and Shikaku. Not easy.

I led him through the streets of Suna and up onto a nearby buildings roof. The wind blew our clothes about but the sun was warm enough to ward off any chill. When the child sat across from me he stared at the rising sun. I stared at him.

"Are you gonna say something or are you just gonna sit there."

I reached out and bonked him on the head.

"Hey! What was that for!"

_Why do you think I use this pad? I see you have no patience._

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" He crossed his arms.

So not only did he look like fire but he had the attitude of a firecracker.

I bonked him on the head again. _Show some respect._

He rubbed his head but didn't cry out that time.

I turned my head towards the sun as well.

"Ey... are you that white dragon they all talk about? The one that destroyed an entire village with a single jutsu? Who save the Kazekage when he was kidnapped? I heard she was mute!" Suddenly there was something else in his eyes.

I was silent for a good minute before I knew what to respond._ Someone once told me that legends from the distant past are often exaggerated, but eventually someone outdoes them and that's when new legends are born. I don't know if I'm a new or an old legend. I'll leave it up to your imagination._

He scratched his cheek, clearly not understanding. "My names Shou."

_It is nice to meet you then Shou. _ I smiled under my mask. Shou meant fly. Flying away… I hoped he could do that one day.

"Hey… if you're really the White dragon then you went up against the Akatsuki right? "

_I have met four members of said group yes. I have only fought two of them though._

His eyes shone "Then you can know how to defeat them right? You know how to kill them?"

I looked at him with a hard face.

"They… they killed my teacher. They killed my two best friends Sari and Taki. They…. They died in order to protect me. And the Kazekage won't send people out to kill these guys. I don't know if they can even be killed but… "

_Do you wish to avenge your loved ones? Do you wish to kill these two Akatsuki members?_

"Yes!" He stood up. passion rang in his eyes.

_Then our training stops now._

"W-what?"

_There are many reasons why people kill. The main ones are Land, Money, power, revenge, religion, Love, peace, and Sadism. In return there are eight main causes of death: Anger, Greed, Madness, Intoxication, Despair, Sacrifice, Old Age, and Loneliness. Of all the things to fight for, revenge is the one I will not forgive. _

"You won't teach me just because I want to avenge my friends?" He pointed accusingly.

I stood up, towering over him. _Yes. Revenge is a poison. A Shinobi that practices it only keeps their wounds green. _

"What would you know? You've never lost anyone. You're strong! You can protect everyone you love!"

I smiled sadly down at him. _I wish that were true. But I have lost. And I will lose friends again in the future. It is what it means to be a Shinobi. _

"But… just because it happens it doesn't make it right. They need to pay for what they did!"

_Listen to me Shou. I do not know you at all. But I have seen firsthand what revenge does. I can tell you are not to the point where you can no longer change your path. You can decide for yourself if you will walk in the dark or if you choose the light. Choose getting stronger to protect those you love rather than killing those you hate. _

Suddenly I thought of Sasuke and Naruto. Those two had chosen different paths. Sasuke walked in the dark now. He fought to kill those he hated. It was the path he chose when he left. Even if they dragged him back he would never see the light again.

And Naruto had chosen the path of light. He fought not for revenge but to protect others. The two were on different courses now and unable to be stirred off of them. When did I realize that?

"Fight to protect?"

I nodded. _Yes. Fight to prevent others from losing their lives to revenge. Get stronger to protect and not destroy._

"I… I don't want anyone else to feel this pain."

_Then let that be your ninja way._

Shou looked up at me and grinned. "I fight to protect those I love, not destroy those I hate… I think I can do that."

My hand went to his shoulder. Perhaps having a student wouldn't be that bad. Perhaps we could both learn from one another.


	34. Could You Be The One?

"Sensei! Sensei!"

I rolled over in my bed. Perhaps it was my imagination but I could have sworn someone was calling me. I ignored it and settled back into the fluffy bed.

"Sensei!"

A tongue licking me snapped me back to Reality. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, looking over to the intruder. Instantly I was awake, grabbing my pad.

_SHOU! You shouldn't come into my room like that. I might wake up suddenly and accidentally hurt you thinking you were an intruder. _

"I don't think a war could have woken you up…" He mumbled

_What was that?_

"Nothing!" He grinned, rubbing the back of his head. "I tried to wake you by knocking on your door! But The Kazekage wanted you immediately so…"

I sighed. _I see. God job. Now get out so I can change._

His face turned red. "Yes ma'am!"

When he left I smiled. It had been two days since I started training him but he was something special. He had lost everything that day and yet he was able to find a purpose to live. And then there was an unexplained bond.

When I was dressed I stepped out of my room with Kiyo to see him waiting.

"What are we doing today Sensei?" He asked eagerly.

_Well I can see if we have a mission to do. If not we can train a little. And get a picture together ne? _I turned to let him see my pad as I knocked on the Kazekage's office door and then walked in.

"Really? That would be so cool! Our first picture!"

Together we bowed and I shot him a grin as we did so. He giggled.

"Rise."

We obeyed and looked at him expectantly.

"I have a mission for the two of you. It is a B rank escort mission."

"Eh? What kind of escort mission is B rank?" Shou exclaimed. I smacked the back of his head. He was a lot more like Naruto than I would have guessed.

"You are escorting the son of the feudal lord of the wind country. Traveling from his estate in the east he was attacked. You are to escort him to the north. It is suspected that he is being targeted. " He turned his gaze to me. "you forgot your mask?"

I nodded. It was in my room.

Gaara stood up and took off his white scarf. I watched him with a beating heart as he wrapped it around me, adjusting it to cover my face and hair. I was glad it hid my blush. Shou looked between us with a small smile forming.

Just as Gaara sat back down the door opened.

"These are your Guards Lord Kaisekari." Gaara pointed to the two of us. We turned around.

He had shoulder length purple hair, an elegant black and white Kimono, and deep black eyes. He did not look to us in a friendly manner. "These are my escorts? Six Jonin level ninja from Iwa attack me and you trust a little girl and a child to protect me?"

"I can assure you Lord Kaisekari. This girl is a Jonin and one of Konoha's most skilled. Six Jonin or sixty, you will be safe." Gaara responded calmly.

I mentally sighed. This was going to be a pain. At least I could keep to myself. If Naruto was here I could only imagine what he would say.

"HEY! Take that back! My Sensei and I are more capable than a jerk like you could comprehend with your little brain!"

Yep pretty much that. And then he'd charge at the lord. Pretty much like… like Shou was doing now. I moved fast, springing two steps forward and grabbing Shou by the back of the shirt, glaring down at him. He crossed his arms. I was pretty sure I was going to call him little firecracker from now on.

"And undisciplined as well. You can't be se…ri…ous…" His words trailed off.

I tilted my head in confusion.

"Ah how rude of me! Of course you are more than skilled enough to escort me. I can just see the power in your lovely green eyes. Absolutely sparkling!" His attitude did a 180 degree turn around as he grabbed my hand, moving it up to his lips. "I am so sorry for my earlier attitude. I must have had too much sun. How could I ever mistake a beauty like you for someone weak? Ah! So silly!"

I dropped Shou in shock and looked to him. He had a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh. I glared.

And then I saw the scarf on the floor at his feet. On the floor and not on me. It must have come off when I launched at Shou.

Gingerly pulling my hand away I took the pad off of my belt and scribbled on it. _Of course you are forgiven Lord Kaisekari. You merely spoke your mind._

"Oh dear you've lost your voice haven't you? Such a pity! I am sure it would have been as beautiful as a thousand…" He seemed to stumbled for something to relate it to. "crickets. And I insist on you calling me Kai!"

Crickets? I didn't think that was a compliment but I brushed it off.

Gaara cleared his throat and I turned around to him. Shou moved to stand beside me but Kai nudged him aside to take that place. Kiyo was asleep near the wall the entire time. The lucky Wolf.

"You will depart today. It should take four days there and back. You are dismissed." Gaara closed the open folder on his desk.

"If it's all the same to you Kazekage, can we depart tomorrow? Thing is I really want to see this village." Kai crossed his arms.

Shou and I exchanged a look but said nothing.

"You rejected the offer for Kankuro to give you a tour yesterday evening. What has changed?"

"N-nothing. I just want to look around. And I want her to escort me." He jutted a thumb in my direction.

Great…. Now I was on tourist duty with a lord who was obsessed with my looks and I couldn't risk insulting him by refusing because he was the son of the ruler of the land of wind. Worse yet he didn't seem that nice. At least Shou seemed amused. I shot the brat another glare. He was _still_ trying not to laugh.

"I can arrange for a Shinobi to escort you. Unfortunately Calista has responsibilities elsewhere in order to prepare for tomorrow." Gaara countered.

"Oh… well…" He turned towards me. "If you have free time come find me. I will be waiting for a nice long tour."

I knew he wanted more than just a tour but I smiled anyways. _Of course. Kai._

He seemed pleased by me using his name and left. When the door shut I raised an eyebrow at the Kazekage. _I don't have that much to do. I could have given him that tour. _

"I figured I would save you the trouble. I didn't think you would enjoy leading him around." Gaara stood and walked past me. At first I thought he was going to leave but he stopped at Shou's feet and lowered himself, picking up the white scarf.

I started to write out an apology for dropping it when he wrapped it back around my neck. "Keep it." He said. I looked up into his eyes and swallowed. Lost in them. He didn't seem as effected and moved away and to his window. I could no longer see his face but I could hear his soft voice. "You are dismissed."

I left, forgetting to bow. As soon as we were out Shou started laughing. "YOU! You like him! You sooooo like him!"

I covered his mouth. He was being so loud I was positive that Gaara had heard.

He mumbled something that sounded like "denial"

I flicked him on his forehead and started walking away.

"What are we doing today Sensei? What do you have to do to get ready for the mission?"

I put a finger up to the scarf I was wearing. _How about we go get that picture taken?_

"Yeah! I can put it next to my… my old squad picture." His words trailed off as he looked to the side. We walked out of the door and into the sandy streets.

I didn't say anything. He looked like he needed to talk a little.

"You know… I made a promise with Sari and Taki that… that the next picture we took would be when we were all Chunin. But it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I feel like I might be breaking a promise."

_You speak fondly of those two always. You know… they sound like good people. And if you died would you want them to never take another picture? Would you want them to be stuck in time?_

"Of course not."

_Then I'm sure they would feel the same. They would want you to live the best life possible. _

"I guess you're right." He shoved his hands in his pocket and looked at the people walking down the streets. "How did you get so smart? You always know what to say. I don't think I'll ever be that wise."

I chuckled. I remembered thinking the same thing about Shikaku. I never planned on having a student this young. I didn't respond but just continued walking towards Kuchata's house. He was the sands photographer.

"Calista? What can I help you with?" The pleasant face of an old civilian smiled at the two of us.

How did he know my name? Well… I was the leaf village's only ambassador and I did look strange. _We were wondering if you could take our picture. _

He grinned. "Of course! Come! I'll get my camera and we can pick a nice place ne?"

"Alright! Where should it be Sensei?"

I looked around us, my eyes falling on a cliff. _If we go up there we can get a nice picture with the rising sun._

"Yeah! Hey! Kuchata! We found a spot!" He hollered.

Kuchata appeared with a large camera in hand and raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yep! On the Gold cliff."

The old man laughed. "Alright. It's a walk so let's get going."

Together we walked through the town and up to the path. I realized this would be the second picture I ever took… And I remembered the first one well.

I had been late catching up with Jiraiya and Asuma in a small village. We had just finished a mission and were on the way back. Jiraiya had sent me to gather some information and I'd lost track of time.

I was in such a rush that I didn't slow down when I saw the door to the inn he said to meet him at and barged in. Just as I heard someone say Cheese I ran into Jiraiya.

Apparently some girl wanted a picture with the legendary Sanin and Asuma and just as it was taken I knocked her out of the way. Jiraiya with his fast reflexes had wrapped an arm around me to try and keep me from falling but the force was too much and he started to go down too. As he went down he grabbed for something and only caught Asuma, pulling him down too. The end result was the three of us in the picture together. Jiraiya and me both had messy hair and all of our mouths were open in shock as we fell right for the camera.

I had kept that picture close to me. It was one of the few possessions I actually took with me everywhere. And this picture would be another one.

"LORD KAZEKAGE!"

I looked at shou and then to who he was shouting at. Gaara stood outside a flower shop. I found it interesting that Suna had such a shop but I was even more curious as to why Gaara was there. Was he getting something for a girl?

It was none of my concern. Wait… he was walking over to us. Even though my face was hidden by his scarf I felt like he could see through it. And I hated that. I lowered my head in respect when he came closer.

"Shou, Kuchata, Calista." He greeted, looking to each of us in turn.

"We're going to get a picture Kazekage! Me and Calista!"

This kid was as forward as Naruto.

"I see. I hope it turns out well." Gaara inclined his head and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Shou shouted, looking from me to Gaara. "Will you take one with us too?"

And there went my heart again. Shou was getting a good bump on the head when we were alone.

"That would not be appropriate. A squad picture is to be between the teacher and students."

"But you're like a teacher to us all! It would be cool! Tell him Calista Sensei!" Shou looked at me with big eyes.

Oh he was getting two bumps now. I hesitated in grabbing my pen before calming myself down. _Of course you would be welcome Lord Kazekage_. I had sealed his fate really. He couldn't resist both Shou and I without seeming as if he did not like us. Part of me was being selfish. I wanted a picture with the Kazekage. After I had that I would only need Shikaku, Ibiki, Naruto and Sakura. I really had made a lot of friends. Another reason why I didn't regret the way things turned out. The only thing I would have changed was G-

NO! I couldn't think about him. I couldn't want to be with him. I had to get over this. But it wasn't easy with people like Shou interrupting and interfering.

"Are you coming Sensei?"

They were already halfway up the hill. I jumped up to catch them, landing next to Shou and giving him a look. He smirked back. I think I was failing at the whole 'boss' thing.

The cliff was sandy and rocky like the rest of suna but we got there right as the sun was behind it, making a nice scene. Shou grabbed my hand and pulled me over in front of it. I placed the hand on his shoulder. Gaara walked over slowly and stood beside me, a foot separating us.

"No, no, that won't work." Kuchata complained, frowning. "Please move a little closer to the girl Kazekage-Sama."

Gaara did so, brushing his shoulder against mine. I lowered the scarf of his I was wearing to show my face and hair. This was so awkward I could feel the air stiff with tension.

"Better! Now One… Two… THREE!" He snapped the photo. "Excellent! I'll get this all made up and the copies to you immediately!"

"Thank you. I should get back to work." Gaara turned around and looked at the two of us. "Calista, Shou."

And then he was gone in a swirl of sand. I sighed. He was just like that sand. Impossible to hold onto. You could catch it, but it would just slip right through your fingers.


	35. After All This Time

"It's no use! I can't get it!" Shou finally threw the Kunai down on the ground. "Why do I have to use that stupid Jutsu stuff? And what's up with that elemental crap?"

I watched him rant his anger out, sweat rolling down the side of his face and his hair sticking up out of his ponytail. He needed to vent his frustration before he was ready to continue and I would wait.

"It isn't fair! People expect me to be as strong as you since I'm being trained by you but I'm just falling behind! I can't do anything right! I can't even use my Kekkei Genkai!"

_Bloodline trait? You never mentioned one to me. _

'That's because I can't use it! I'm the failure of my family. My dad, my grandfather, all of them were skilled in it. But I can't use it!"

_Have you tried asking your father or mother to train you in it? _I asked gently.

"They're dead." Was his curt reply.

I felt guilty for asking but was glad I knew. It was sadly common for a ninja to have lost their parents in battle. _Can you tell me what this bloodline trait is?_

"It's wind sensing. My dad could listen to the wind and sense the smallest changes. It let him know what was going on around. Like a sensory type. And apparently if you get good enough you can have control over it. I can't even hear it though. I never could."

I furrowed my eyebrows in thought. _My two elements are wind and water. Perhaps if I worked with you using my wind release you could start to hear it. We can limit the amount of time focused on your other skills and dedicate it to your Kekkei Genkai. I don't think it's impossible for you to master, I just think you need a little more help. _

"If I was good enough I wouldn't need help…" He was still bitter but his eyes weren't as dark.

It had been two weeks since we first met, and each day I learned a little more about Shou. He excelled in Taijutsu, struggled in Ninjutsu, did not know if he had a natural element, and he could do only the most basic Genjutsu. He was not as skilled as some, but his will made up for it. Like Naruto and Lee mixed together. And sometimes his moody behavior reminded me of Sasuke.

Sasuke... I looked up into the setting sun and let out a sigh. I wondered where he was; what he was thinking about. If Naruto and Sakura were any closer to rescuing him from Orochimaru. Jiraiya had told me that giving up on Sasuke would be best. Even though most of my feelings for him had faded there was still a pang. And I still cared about him greatly as a friend. To know that he was being used and that I was helpless… there were no words to describe the frustration. I couldn't even help them to rescue him. I had other responsibilities. I just had to trust in Naruto. And pray that Sasuke would live on. Even though he would never come back as the same boy he was when he left.

"Sensei?"

I patted Shou's shoulder. _Let's get a bite to eat._

* * *

"Lord Kazekage?" I knocked on the Kazekage's office door. No response came. I knocked again and still no response. Curiosity got the best of me and I opened the door a crack. Then a little more. The office was empty and tidy like normal except for one thing. A bookcase against a wall had been knocked over.

I tilted my head, walking over to it. All the books were scattered about. That was odd. I should at least set the bookcase upright. I lifted the large wooden case up on its side and wedged it back to the wall. Since I did that I might as well pick up the books. Save Gaara some work.

I decided to follow basic alphabetical order with the books, going by the names of them. Most of them were information books. There was one on bloodline traits, one on Jutsu, one on the history of villages. I planned for it to be a quick job but I continued to get distracted. I was halfway done when I picked up a book on the sage of the six paths. This intrigued me. As soon as I started reading I was engrossed, almost not believing that he could have existed. He was said to have created the moon? That was unfathomable. Who could harness such power? He was the one who had taught us all we know about chakra? About Ninjutsu? What I really wanted to know was how he died.

It didn't say. I assumed it was just old age. After all, how could someone kill him? He sealed the ten tails in him and he imprisoned its body in the moon! Such awesome power… would there ever be anyone who could match up to him? I wouldn't think so. Not even Gaara or Naruto.

"Calista."

The sound of my name made me drop the book. I had been so engrossed I didn't hear footsteps, and I surely didn't sense the presence of anyone. My eyes went slowly to meet the green ones of Gaara.

I scrambled up, bowing and grabbing my pad. _Sorry Lord Kazekage! I just saw the books and thought to organize them and then I got distracted by one about the s-_

"You don't need to apologize." He interrupted my writing.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, glad my mouth was covered by my mask. _It was inappropriate for me to barge in here like this though. I should have asked. _

He didn't respond but walked over to the window he seemed to love so much. Something about the way he was standing… something was bothering him. Perhaps the same thing that resulted in a knocked over bookshelf.

"When did this happen?" His voice was more raspy than normal. His eyes never left the spot ahead of him.

I tilted my head to the side. He couldn't see but he must have guessed I wouldn't get it. Whatever he was talking about.

"When did we become this way? When did we stop knowing each other?"

How did I respond to that? I looked at my feet. It was a good question, but now one I would have expected him to ask. Personally I supposed that we just grew into different people. Gaara had softened up and at the same time became much stronger. I too had grown stronger and I wasn't quite as innocent as before. I wasn't as talkative that was for sure.

_We grew into separate people lord Kazekage. _

He turned his head when I walked up beside him.

"Why do you call me that?"

_Because it is what you are… the Kazekage. _I wrote down, confused.

"I do not like it. You have been here a month. There's no need for the formality."

It was so hard to get in his head. With that distant look in his eyes as if he was observing me from afar. _I can not call you Gaara…_

"Why?"

I was forced look away from that gaze. Truth be told I knew exactly why. Because if I started acting informal it would just make it harder to forget him. To move on. _Because it will set a bad example. People will misunderstand what we are to each other. _

"And what is that? What are we?"

The next words were just as painful to write as the ones I'd showed him three years ago.

_Nothing._

I wished it was anything but true. I wished he was mine to hold. That we were in the same village and he loved me like I had so long ago. Constantly I wondered what would happen if I went with him after that mission with the bandits.

"I see. You are dismissed. I have to prepare myself for something."

His curt reply cut me. I walked out of the room and into mine. I didn't feel like moping in it. Shou needed my help with his Kekkei Genkai.


	36. Beautiful Disaster

I was starving. Well not literally… but pretty close. I hadn't had food since breakfast at dawn. The sun had set. Usually that amount of time wouldn't mean much to me, but my appetite was acting weird. One day I could go without eating entirely and be just fine, on other days I needed to eat twice as much. Today just happened to be one of those days.

I walked into the restaurant. It was the only one with any selection of raw foods. As soon as I walked in the manager greeted me himself. He was so used to me coming in he pretty much knew my schedule after two weeks.

"Where's Shou?" He asked.

_Out with one of his friends relaxing. It's good to have some down time after a lot of training. _

"Agreed!" He grinned, guiding me over to a table. "So what can I get you tonight?"

I sat down and pulled down my mask. _Any cold tea is fine and… l'll take a plate of any raw meat or fish. And a plain spinach salad._

"Hungry are we?" the manager laughed.

I nodded with a smile of my own and watched him leave, turning back to the empty table. Soon the tea arrived and I took a sip. It was chilled just like I preferred. I gulped it down, knowing that he would bring more with the food. I noticed a few specks of tea leaves down at the bottom and turned it upside down, closing one eye and looking at it. Some said you could read them.

I couldn't make anything out clearly. Using my imagination I could sort of see a sun. Then a dog. And a knife. I saw Naruto with his spiky hair if I tilted it right. I was so occupied with finding shapes that when a drop fell from the cup and into my eye I dropped it in surprise. It didn't hit the ground and shatter though, instead it was caught by someone.

"You should be more careful."

I grinned over at Gaara sheepishly, taking the cup back and trading it for my pad. _What brings you here Kazekage?_

"Food. Even we Kage have to eat." He sat across from me without asking. I wouldn't have refused him even if he had.

_Oh. Makes sense. _I rubbed the back of my head. _Caught me at an awkward time. Embarrassing. _

"You are still clumsy."

_No! I just have my moments! I really am more graceful now! _I insisted, blushing.

A small smile played on Gaara's lips. "That's not what I've noticed."

_You must have sand in your eyes then. _

He looked at me before his shoulders rose and fell three times. I swallowed. Was that a silent chuckle? I was pretty sure it was indeed. _What are you going to get to eat. _

"What are you having?"

_Salad and some meat. Not sure what kind. _

"Then I will just eat off of your plate."

_Eh? I didn't say you could do that! _I pouted.

"Would you really refuse the Kazekage?"

_When it comes to my precious food yes!_

"I think Konoha taught you to be greedy. You used to always share."

_Nope! Back then I was just sharing your food. So it wasn't mine. I bought this with my own hard earned money! Well sort of. It's actually thanks to Asuma I got it. Doing missions with him when we were away._

"What happened between you two? Are you together?" Gaara looked down as if he did not care the least but this was just another topic to keep the conversation going.

Immediately my mood soured. Gaara sensed that because he looked back up at me. _No. We are not together. _

"What happened?"

_I'm not the one he loves. _I smiled.

Gaara understood that much at least. He understood that Asuma loved someone else and not me. "That is too bad."

_I just don't have much luck in the romance field. I think I might just give it up. Concentrate solely on being a ninja. _I didn't know why I was confessing this to him of all people.

"If that is what you feel is right."

My head tilted in agreement. At that moment my food came. The manager looked at the Kazekage and bowed. "What can I get for you lord Kazekage?"

"Nothing."

_Gonna mooch off of me still? _

Gaara smiled. "Perhaps another day. I still have work to get done."

And with no further ado he walked away, leaving me there alone and confused. Didn't he just say he wanted to eat something that was why he was there? I blew out air. You could never understand that guy.


	37. Everybody Hurts

"Calista Sensei!" Shou came running up to me and Kiyo so fast I had to catch him to get him to slow down.

_Yes?_

"The Kazekage's called for you. He said it was urgent." Shou leaned against Kiyo.

Urgent? I nodded me head and looked at Kiyo. He would stay there with Shou while I disappeared, moving as fast as I could towards the Kazekage's tower. I knocked hard on the door three times, opening it when I heard noise.

Gaara was sitting at his desk as if everything was normal, but the unease I had sensed on him three days prior was tenfold. His hands were intertwined. "I have a mission for you. An escort mission."

I almost sighed in relief. So that was all? No attacks. No recent Akatsuki noise. Nobody I cared about was in danger. _Who am I escorting?_

"Me. I am going to Iwagakure departing tomorrow. I am bringing four other Jonin with me."

_Is there a threat of an attack or something? _I knew it was inappropriate but I was dying to know the answer.

"No. This is a visit for peace."

_Oh… like a treaty? That would be good for both villages wouldn't it? _I smiled politely.

"In a way yes. It is to discuss a marriage between one of our Ninja and the Tsuchikage's granddaughter Kurotsuchi." He busied himself with his papers, but it was more shuffling and rearranging already neatly stacked ones than anything else. He was nervous.

_Oh? Who are you sending to get married? If it's Kankuro you know he won't do us well. He can be pretty goofy! She'd want to run back to Iwa in a few hours!_ I laughed silently.

Gaara's eyes held no humor in them. "The only one who can be trusted for something like this is myself. For this village I am more than willing to marry someone I do not love. And in time feelings may develop. Right now our biggest threat is the Akatsuki and their plan. I do not need to worry about Iwa attacking our backs as well."

Marriage. It was a sacred custom. A union between two people that was never supposed to be broken. If married, you were sworn to someone else. You would have a child. And as soon as you had a child then the two would truly be together. Even in a loveless marriage that was how it went. When the vows were said any earlier suitors are wiped aside and forgotten.

I never thought that Gaara would do this. But I should have. You could see it in his eyes. He would gladly die for his village, he had done it with Deidara. It was a good idea… the marriage. It could end strife. End killings. End suffering.

It was a good plan! So why couldn't I tell him that? Why did my hand feel so heavy I couldn't think of what to write. I was making a fool of myself! Finally I managed something. _That is good. _

Gaara nodded "We are leaving at dawn. I expect you to be in my office by then."

_I Can't go. _I wrote without thinking. When he looked at it out of the corner of his eyes I knew It was too late to take it back. Instead I continued. _I mean I shouldn't. You see this could just be a ploy to get you away from the village. It would be best if I stayed behind. You need some ninja left to protect the village after all. _

"You speak wisely… Very well. You can stay. Temari will give orders in my absence."

I nodded.

"You are dismissed."

I bowed my head, and then I moved as fast as I could out of the door without looking suspicious. I ran to my room and there I did allow myself to collapse.

I would have thought I'd be crying my eyes out by now. Yet not a single tear came. My eyes didn't even water. This was no different than when Sasuke left or when I found out I was the only one who was in love with Asuma. And yet it was. Sakura told me once that you never forget your first love, but I didn't think too much of it. Now I understood that. I could probably fall in love with someone else who loved me. I could move on but I wouldn't forget Gaara. It wasn't being cocky, but just an understanding of how things went. There would always be someone out there for you. Maybe I'd end up with someone kind like Choji. I wouldn't mind that. Too bad I hadn't bothered to know Choji more. Or perhaps I would end up with someone silent like Neji.

My nose scrunched up. No. Neji was too much like Gaara. That silent observing type. And he was too obsessed with fate and what was meant to be. I wouldn't want to be with someone as lazy as Shikamaru. There would be no excitement! I smiled and looked up at the ceiling, walking over to my bed and lying down. In my head I went over all the guys in the leaf village and whether or not I would be happy married to them. I decided that Naruto, Choji, Kiba, and lee were the only guys I would be happy with. Of course Kakashi was secretly on the list too but he wasn't into younger girls. And it would be weird being with him. It was hypocritical considering the thing with Asuma but… still. I also knew I would never end up with Naruto. He was too dedicated with training and Sasuke to focus on girls. Besides he was hopelessly in love with Sakura. And even if he wasn't Hinata had dibs. Choji was someone I didn't really know. Perhaps I might like him but he'd be too occupied with food to bother with romance. The same went for Kiba. He was busy and I was pretty sure he liked Hinata.

Finally I had exhausted every bachelor in the leaf village. Nobody seemed to really work. I came to a conclusion. I would just stop thinking about guys. I was a ninja of the leaf village, not some maiden in distress. I didn't need a guy! I didn't need Gaara or Asuma or Sasuke!

At least that was what I would tell myself.


	38. What words lack

Oh my gosh! I have been working on this story for almost a year (The anniversary being the 31st of this month). I can't believe it took nearly 100K words and 38 chapters! And I am still debating writing a sequel because there's so much more I want to do. Thank you all for sticking with it this far. Special thanks to 100ratseminA . I probably would have given up on the story if it wasn't for their support :) I hope you enjoy this! I really do :)

* * *

The day before Gaara's leaving to retrieve his future bride came. The whole village knew and were celebrating. People prepared to see him off the next day and to greet the woman who would become his wife. I almost wore black that day. Almost but not quite. I wore navy blue sweats instead of my white ones and a matching long sleeved shirt. It was similar to Shikamaru's wear with my vest zipped over it all. Even it was not white but dark green. I just couldn't bring myself to wear that light color.

I walked down the streets aimlessly. Shou had the day off. He was with his friends gossiping about the Kazekage and future bride. I bought a few trinkets at shops, I talked to strangers, I did everything I could to get my mind off what was going on.

The evidence was all around me though, and eventually I gave up trying to be in the city. An hour past noon I retreated to my room. I was planning on staying in it the rest of the day until I heard a knock on the door. Temari walked in without me responding.

"What are you moping about?" She asked as blunt as usual. She always told it like it was.

I shook my head. _What do you mean?_

"Something's got you pouting like a little kid. What is it?" She sat down on the small couch in the room, crossing her arms.

_Nothing. I'm perfectly fine. Is that all you needed? _I was dismissing her. I didn't feel like dealing with her attitude. Not today.

"It wouldn't have anything to do with our Kazekage getting married would it?"

I almost dropped my pen, catching it in time.

"That's what I thought. Your acting like a brat because you still like him eh? Can't even get over a childhood crush? Didn't you receive emotional training?" She smirked.

_With all due respect I don't think you know what you're talking about Temari. _I narrowed my eyes.

"It's pretty obvious. Your pinning after a guy who doesn't care for you anymore. A guy who you had small crush on what was it… three? Four? Five years ago?" She let out a chuckle, her gaze never leaving mine.

_Leave. _I stood up.

She didn't take the memo. "Don't you know how to give a guy up? You're awfully clingy. No wonder why you're all alone. That pretty face of yours isn't enough to keep them around once they get to know you."

_Temari get out! _I balled up my fists. Why was she doing this? I had never done anything to her before.

"I bet Sasuke left the village just because he couldn't stand you. That's probably why Gaara's getting married too. He's getting married so you'll stop with your pathetic obsession with him. It's a nuisance for you to love him w-"

_**Smack**_!

I stared at my hand. I never thought I would get so angry. I never thought I would go that far. I actually slapped Temari. But my anger was not yet defused. _I don't care who you are. Who's blood you share. You have no right to talk to me that way. So what? So what if I love Gaara? So what if I'm upset because he's getting married to someone who is NOT me. I have feelings and I have every right to do with them as I please. YOU have no right to tell me what to think! You have no right to criticize my love! You can mock me as you wish but it won't change a thing! I love him and that's that!_

Temari had one hand on her cheek, but instead of a look of shock or anger on her face, she had a sideways smirk, almost a smile. She stood up. "So you admit it. Finally. As I thought, you weak leaf ninja need a push."

I blinked. What just happened? Did she trick me?

"So now that you admit your feelings what are you going to do? Going to finally tell my oblivious brother?" She crossed her arms in a very Gaara-like fashion.

I sighed, all anger gone. So she had played me and done it well. _No. I can't. _

"Fine fine. Be that way. But just ask yourself: Why not? Why can't you two be together? Is there anything stopping you guys?" She walked toward the door and stopped right before she left. "If you come up with a good answer I'll leave you alone."

I sank down onto the couch. What the hell? Of course I had a reason why we couldn't be together. It was because… because… we…

And that was when the weight of her words sunk in. I couldn't think of a real reason as to why we couldn't be together except one. Only one reason why we weren't in love and why I hadn't confessed.

Because I was a coward.

~V~

* * *

~V~

And finally the day came. I didn't sleep the previous night but stayed up staring at the moon. At the stars and the way they were so bright here. So warm and familiar. I also found the picture I had taken with Gaara and Shou. Shou was looking towards the camera with a smile so big his eyes were practically shut. The smile I had on was crooked and my head was tilted to the side. Gaara… I had paused when I saw him. His eyes were not on the camera but towards me, the corners of his lips turned up as he watched my face. It was probably just a strange coincidence but I was happy with the photo.

Before the sun rose the village started to move. People migrated from the streets to the village wall all to watch the Kazekage go and to send him off with love. Shou knocked on my door and called me out.

"Are you coming to see him off?" He asked. The previous three days he had been quiet. Ever since he found out. I nodded. It was what was expected of me. Together we walked silently through the streets. Shou kept looking at me but I pretended I didn't notice.

The walls were crowded with dozens of people. Everyone waiting for the Kazekage. We climbed up and joined them, people giving us a large berth. Temari and Kankuro were standing a yard away. I avoided any eye contact with the female of the duo.

"I thought you liked him…" Shou mumbled.

_In the ninja world, there are many things that come before personal feelings._ I kept my attitude formal, wearing white once more. White… the loneliest color. An absence of anything.

"I don't get it…"

I patted Shou on the shoulder and at the commotion of the crowd I looked down the road. Gaara was walking through the gates right now. Surrounding him were five Shinobi, all Jonin rank. I was glad my mask hid most of my face. I didn't know how well I was hiding my emotions

"Are you just going to let him go Sensei?" Shou looked at me, confused.

_It is not my place to interfere with his future. With the future of this village. _I wrote, turning around and taking a few steps away from the scene. I had watched him leave and that was all I was needed for.

"You don't really believe that do you?" He continued.

I froze. Those words… just as Jiraiya had spoken. He was right. I didn't believe it.

"You taught me to fight to protect those I love! Why aren't you doing the same thing! Why aren't you fighting for what you love?"

I wanted him to stop. I didn't want to be lectured by my own student.

"You're being a coward! If you love him then go after him! You said that there are eight causes of death! But you forgot one! You forgot... regret..." He didn't stop. He didn't see the tears had started to leak out of my eyes.

I looked up. In front of me I saw Temari. She had a solid expression on as she looked at me. To her left stood Kankuro. His face was much the same. All around me: everyone's eyes were on me and Shou. Expecting. They all wanted me to turn around.

I stopped walking away and pivoted on my foot. Gaara was already a hundred feet away from the wall. My hand shook as I slowly pulled my mask down to my neck. He was going to be lost to me again. And I didn't want that. I was scared of being afraid. Naruto came into my head. My vision of bravery. Of never giving up when you wanted something. I wanted to be like him. _Lend me your strength Naruto. _I thought.

"Ga...a…" I tried to say Gaara's name. It came out gurgled. "Gaara" Even though it was a whole word it wasn't enough. I swallowed, closing my eyes and summoning all of my will. "**GAARA**!" I screamed after him. I forgot how my voice sounded. It was so foreign I wasn't sure it was mine.

He stopped walking and spun around so fast the people around him didn't notice at first. He had recognized how my voice sounded after all this time. Everyone's eyes were on the two of us. I dropped my pad. "Gaara…" I jumped off the wall where I was watching and down onto the sand below. I ran.

And for the first time I saw Gaara running towards something and not away.

I crashed into him, wrapping my arms around him. He was probably surprised but he didn't show it. Instead he wrapped his arms around me.

"THAT'S MY SENSEI!"

I let out a half-sob, half-laugh. My first laugh in four years.

"Gaara." I repeated, moving back so I could see his face.

"Calista." He breathed.

"Gaara… I… I…"

Deep breaths. I steadied my resolved and studied my feet, looking at them and clenching my fists. "I'm not brave like Naruto. I'm not wise like Shikamaru. I'm not graceful like Neji. I'm weak and I'm childish and I'm innocent. I'm always tripping and messing things up. I have the worst luck. I have a thousand secrets that I can't tell you or anyone else about. I've only been back a month… so there is so much you don't know. So much darkness. So much abnormality. But… but… I…" I stood up straight and looked him in the eyes, letting my emotions flow through. A smile wormed its way onto my lips. "I love you Gaara. Aishiteru." I spoke the one word most people said once in a lifetime if even that. The true word of love.

His eyes widened before they softened and he reached for my hand. "Then let me protect you when you lack courage, let me guide you when you don't know the way, and let me take your hand when you feel you are about to fall. I will be your strength and good luck charm. Let me learn. Let me learn all of your secrets. Whatever darkness plagues your waking dreams…give it to me. I cannot promise I will be able to erase it… but I can share it. I can make the burden more bearable. If you become mine alone. If you swear yourself to me. If you marry me." He got down on one knee before me, looking up into my eyes.

"Gaara… I…" There were no words in this dimension or that of Gods to describe what I was feeling.

"I don't need you to say anything but one word. Say Yes."

Every road I had taken had led me to this moment. Every heartbreak, every fight, every tear and every laugh. It was more than fate. It was every factor in my life working towards a final goal. Pushing me forward until I reached this spot. Like the lance I had continued to move forward and now…

Now I was a Gold General.

I finally understood what Shikaku meant. And I finally understood what I had to do.

"Yes!" I cried, flinging myself down and wrapping my arms around Gaara's neck. "Yes. I do!"

I didn't hear the cheering from the village walls in joy for their Kazekage. All I heard was the beat of Gaara's heart as it raced alongside mine. And all I felt were his lips, speaking all the emotions that words lack.

**The End**

* * *

Ima tear up thinking about how this is over T_T. I love you all!

And I need an opinion. Sequel? Yes/No? Would you guys like that? Or should I just end it here and let you guys make up the rest of it?


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